Why won’t he call me back?
I know he isn’t trying to play me!
What’s up with this guy?
People hear this a lot. A perplexed lady trying to figure out why a once hot friend has 
now cooled. A guy that a woman involves herself with and ultimately becomes intimate with, suddenly stops being super attentive once she goes into the Tommie Strong book with a GTD entry next to her name. (Got The Drawers) But why? He was stalking your whole life when he was pursuing you. He was responding to texts messages right away. Always available to you whenever you called. Eager to take you out to be in your company. He even kept your email box full with daily conversation while you were at work. Now he suddenly is to busy to elaborate in his emails the way he once did. You get call backs instead of pick-ups when you call him. And instead of calling you to take you out he is calling to come over……late at night. What’s up with that?!
It is easy to see why women get annoyed with this sort of behavior out of guys. How are you gonna lead someone to a point of ascension in a “relationship” and then just all of a sudden fall off the map. Well part of the issue is the difference in looking at intimacy as a point of ascension while a guy sees it as a Climax. For guys sex is the actual climax. While for a lot of women, the climax is moving forward into this new space of relationship bliss is the climax. So while the guy is tapering off and settling into what he hopes to be a comfort zone, she is looking to re-fill the tank and soar to new heights! If it makes ladies feel any better to know this I will share with you that guys feel this withdraw too sometimes. It just comes before the intimacy part. It is not uncommon for guys to be sent into a bit of an emotional spiral when they suddenly get ignored by a woman who seemed to be responding to his advances for a couple of weeks. It happens all the time. Ladies are by for the most beautifully confusing and sometimes fickle creatures on the Earth. A woman can go from feigning some sort of sincere interest in a guy to totally ducking him out like he’s a Jehovah Witness bringing the Holy message to your doorstep. The major difference is that women have given up something more in their emotional disconnect than a man who has really just had a bruise to his ego and a slight emotional confusion that he will certainly recuperate from.
BUT WHY????
It always tickles me to hear ladies speak to why a guy pulls back from an association. I hear all sorts of incorrect assessments that are always some sort of defense mechanism response that is programmed out of an instant reaction to shelter our egos. Even my closest friend who happens to be a woman, used to say that a guy who pulled back from her once was Scared of his emotions and Afraid to make a committment because of his view of relationships………….. Riiiiigggggghhhhhtttttt. (in my Doctor Evil voice). The truth is that guys are not afraid of commitments or afraid of our emotions. That is just some bullshit that we tell women to keep them at bay. Put ourselves in a position to be pitied and not hated or resented. What guys are actually afraid of is getting into a relationship that we are not certain about. Moving too soon. Jumping out the window and getting with a woman just because they had sex. For guys sex is not a guarantee that they want to be with you in a greater capacity. Unfortunately for women, guys have a feeling that as soon as we have sex she is going to expect us to be a couple. Now as convoluted as that thinking is in some sense, it is quite accurate in some instances. And that’s why guys run the disappearing act for a few weeks. His point is to slow down this gravy train to a more acceptable pace. His control mechanism kicks in and he is watching your reactions like a hawk. Don’t think that he’s not.
He’s watching to see how attached you become. Do you react in a flustered or tense manner when he pulls back from you? Do you blow up his phone or keep texting him when you don’t get a response? He notices all that. And most importantly are you still going to be accepting of continuing a physical relationship. Because as of right now, that is as far as he wants to take the relationship.
Now guys aren’t animals. They are not evil creatures. They are just doing what people do. They are thinking exclusively of themselves up until the point that they deem a woman as being worthy of putting her feelings first. And just because you have sex with him, does not mean that he has made up his mind that you are that woman yet.
A few pieces of sincere advice to all the ladies who have been through this.
If you have not yet had sex with a guy…….
You’re in good shape. There is a very masterful art that you need to experiment with to get a guy to not flee after having sex. It starts by not being so quick to sleep with him. Let me repeat this …. It starts by not being so quick to sleep with him. Well…..what is too soon? Now I am not going to nail down like a specific timeframe in terms of days but I will use Steve Harvey’s 90 day rule as a starting point. (Wow…I am using Steve Harvey as a reference point..SMH) I only mention this as a reference to make the point that there are A LOT of women out there who do not wait 90 days to sleep with a man who they have been seeing , communicating with or going out with on a consistent basis. In the grand scheme of things 90 days is not a long time. But for some reason many people don’t get to that point before they sleep together. The rule of thumb that I would share with my daughter, if I had one, was to make sure that you wait until you really feel comfortable about a guy coming around to see you without the expectation of trying to make sexual advances. Let me explain. I you kiss a guy he can consider that 1st base. Well guess what? Progressively moving around the base path with a guy is a horrible idea! Because with each encounter he wants to get to the next base and eventually cross home plate. So when he leaves your house today after some heavy kissing and petting, he is expecting to get further the next time. And he has then attached and estimated time frame for when he should have hit it! This is awful because when a guy establishes a time frame he is going to come over everyday with the expectation to get a little closer to his goal. He is now completely driven sexually and no longer is really getting any closer to you as a person. He just has his eyes on the prize at this point. And afterwards he really does not know you well enough to say that he does not want to se anyone else. I know it is hard to hold out. Especially when other chicks are giving up the goods like free candy. But make sure that he is coming around to get to know you and not just putting in work.
If you have already slept with him and see him pulling back…….
You are in a tougher spot but not without some hope. If you feel a guy pulling back from you the number one thing that you cannot do is, show some sort of negative reaction or emotion. Once you tip a guy off that you are affected by his conscious effort to draw back then nothing good happens from there. Just be cool. Don’t press him for his time. Don’t call him any more than usual. Don’t initiate contact with him any more than usual. But when he decides to double back and continue to sleep with you, only do it at your convenience. The common mistake that women make is no longer sleeping with a guy and making it an obvious sort of decision that you’ve made. Men take such an action as a woman trying to force him to be with her exclusively. And no guy is going to respond well to that sort of control tactic. Just be more subtle about getting him to do what you want. Don’t be available when he wants to come over. If he wants to come over tonight for a nite-cap, tell him that you are busy but that he can come by two days later. When he wants to have movie night dates on the couch, insist that you are tired of being cooped up and that you want to go someplace specific. You pay if necessary. But do not give him the impression that you are so overwhelmed by his company or his sex-game that you are like his puppet on a string. But be subtle. If you are in any way overt about purposely avoiding him sexually or not making yourself available to him then he will resent the idea that you are challenging him like that and things can just get too messy with people ego posturing with one another. Don’t make him feel secure about how much you are into him if he is not making you feel secure about how much he is into you.
A guy pulling back from a lady doesn’t mean that he is just using her or that he will not possibly find himself madly in love with a woman…..eventually. It just means that he doesn’t know yet. For guys sexual intimacy does not equate to relationship compatibility. So he is just pulling back to find out what is what on his own terms and at his own pace. Without a beautiful woman pressing him out. Just be aware and protect yourself accordingly. Because his slow time table might not match yours initially but taking a step back might make a lady see that other than a sexual attraction, there might not be a lot there it bind you to a lazy dullard with no career, who just happens to have broad shoulders and nice teeth.
@jacksonbracey
The Reasonable Bachelor 
I’ve never experienced this but I also wait until I’m in an exclusive relationship with the guy before we have sex so maybe that’s why I don’t quite understand…Maybe I’m a little naive here..so Jackson please help me out on this one, I’m being serious…Wouldn’t a situation like this be avoided if the woman waited until she was in an exclusive relationship with the guy before she slept with him in the first place?
it absolutely would be avoided. Because when a guy has to wait he tends to be more emotionally invested. But too many ladies have been told to asert their sexual independence thinking that it is OK to proceed with a little bit less caution. It empowers women but it doesn’t improve their situation with a man.
Plus it is hard for a girl to wait a respectable amount of time when so many other women are giving it up for free. Contraty to popular belief, making a guy wait is not just an issue of some outdated moral code. it is the key to helping a man build some closeness and sense of committment to a woman.
Sadly women don’t subscribe to this understanding. even when a man is telling it to them.
Sometimes, it is simply difficult to hold out when you really genuinely like someone, have been spending so much time with them, and are attracted to them…. geez!
OKAY, one thing you left out of this incredible post was what is the protocol for asking to be exclusive or can a women ask a man how many other women hes seeing>? I watched steve harveys movie and started waiting, i thought 90 days was a bit much so i gave in when i felt safe at 6 weeks. However, now im dying to know who else hes seeing? is it wrong to ask? I also started freaking out bc usually he texts me mutiple times a day and today i had to iniate it. So my immediate reaction is to fall back, which aligns with what your article said.
🙂
Well certainly I would not say that 6 weeks is to soon to inquire about where things are going. I would not suggest that you bring it up directly after sex but I think that you are well within your right to ask the question. But ask it in a way that doesn’t make you seem like you are pressuring him. Ask the question after your sexual encounters are becoming frequent. Now if you have slept together and he is making no further contact with you then don’t push that on him now.
But ultimately as you guys get hot and heavy, you should be able to ask him if he is seeing other people as well. If for no other reason than to make sure that you continue to practice SAFE sex. And because you do not want to carry on with someone who does not see you as a long tern relationship. If that is what you want. The key to making these conversations go over well with guys is to not make them super dramatic and emotional. Guys freak out with scenarios like that and they believe them to be themselves to be on a slippery slope that might end the sexual realtionship. So as a result, they will often just tell you just enough to keep you on the hook so to speak. But after 7 weeks you have every right to know. Just be prepared to deal honestly with whatever answer you get.
Email me jackson.Bracey@gmail.com
What if you want to just have a sex based relationship? For example this happened to me. We had sex after 4 dates and the guy isn’t messaging me any more. It’s only been a week but I want sex on the regular, but I also want it with the same person (because of STDs and other concerns).
I’m not sure if I’m into his personality yet, but that doesn’t bother me. I’m into his bod and he was good enough in the sack. Why do I have to wait for “the one” in order to have regular sex? Do I have to establish from the get-go that I want a FWB? Should I wait it out with this guy, or try again with a new guy.
Your article is playing favorites to men. You in so many words say women are complicated and men aren’t a animals. Actually any man that leads a woman on then disses her is very much an animal. Animals have sex and just go call the time and have sex with many at once. Men are complicated if they are telling a woman one thing then doing another. If anything they are acting like sex con artists. You excuses as they just being a climax to them, is actually telling them it is normal. It is not normal, even the bible doesn’t say it’s normal. Any man that can do that is emotionally unattached and that is a problem he has. Being a man is know excuse for treating a woman lime a doormat. Its menipulative and evil to lead a woman on for sex. If men were told this more often to their face by their parent instead of saying it is just being a man, they would stop. Because they are using women for sex and many at once, it is the reason why HIV, is higher in women, especially black women. I recently had a boy work my mind and emotions over for a while even said to my face we were entering a relationship and then dissed me afterwards and claim he has no cell service. I tried to break it off and he claimed I was over reacting. He did that after I told him upfront that I’m not about games or being used. I laid my expectations on the table and still he just “climax” as u said. He knew he was using me so it was no excuse.I do not agree with our article in that
Ok…I thought so…thanks for confirming that…
Yeah, some woman I’ve talked (older than me at that) said sex isn’t a big deal so I shouldn’t make a guy wait…I just look at them crosseyed…What next having several baby daddy’s isn’t a big deal either? smh
Thank you for posting on my blog!! I really appreciate the encouragement.
This is a great post. I’ve been in a situation where I didn’t get burned, more like singed because we didn’t make things clear as to what it was. Just seeing what happens doesn’t work. If a man’s main goal, is sex, he should just say that out right. That way I know to check my own emotions at the door and proceed, or just say actually I’m looking for something more permanent. I’ve heard its idealistic for men to tell you that from the start but, it makes things easier. If he does want a relationship, then I would hope he sees the importance of waiting a bit.
how is love to get to know you if that’s a possibility if you would or if you want to contact me at 4:06 jewels 32233 text me but you have a great night thanks bye
nw i realise iv made d mistake of sleepin with him after a month and a half….while im a virgin…. He stills text and calls first everyday but it felt different,as if he is so emotionally away and i dont feel like i got his undivided attention… When he calls,it is a short talk,when he text it is a short conversation..The sad thing is, just days later after sex he got stuck up with extra works( which i dont doubt and is true) and now i dont know whethr itz just becoz of the work or is he just not dat into me anymore…can i have your advice???
Well Kerry….I am sorry that things did notwork out for you the way that you had hoped. These experiences are tough. But the only advice that anyone can give you is to not let yourself be consumed by someone elses behavior. Just concentrate on being happy and everything else will fall into place. Don’t give anything of yourself that you cannot live without. If your energy and focus needs to be replaced then make sure that you only give it to someone who is giving it back to you. I hope this helps you.
I have the same issue as you …….. After sleeping with me …….. He always busy and even at night which is the time we always talk …….. Nothing could improve …… He is the first guy I sleep with…….. I regret that I made really bad decision ……. Now he angry whenever I ask him why he so distance from me…….. I hate myself
Catwap
okhay,so he dump me for no reason a few weeks back and we decided to be friends(well coz of my own pride i dont wana look like im hurt and accept his friendship proposal) we dont kip in touch and ignore each other even when we ran into.. Bt now he is texting and ask me how my work is going…. Whats up with this guy,i mean can you give me a slight info on what the heck he could be thinking…. We are both a peacock proud ppl…
The best thing you can do is to wait. Don’t initiate calls or texts to him. And take your time before replying to his messages. Men automatically think that women are going to pursue a relationship once sex has occurred. Throw him off by showing him that it’s not that simple. And it shouldn’t be. A night of passion does not a relationship make. Men and women are wired differently. Most women don’t have sex with a man unless we feel there is a potential for a long term commitment. Most men, on the hand, do not correlate the two…At least not in the beginning.
Hi i need your advice.. I am talking with this guy through phone, i mean just text messages.. He try to call me sometimes but i never answer the phone coz i prefer just texting him.. So i never meet this guy in person. He have a work in different state, so one dAy when he went somewhere for his job, he ask me to go out with him coz he planning to stop by to the state where i stay because he says its also on his way, so he booked a plane ticket and rent a car so that we can go anywhere when he come because i dont have car,, so when we meet already we went out somewhere, we had fun, he is easy going and we understand each other. And then i get drunk little bit and end up staying to his hotel and then something happened.. And in the morning when we woke up, we went to downtown and had fun, we play bowling and he taught me, we had fun but after that we went back to the hotel coz he need to leave go back to his place for his job. And he said he wants to come again maybe on christmas but what bothers me is the day after he never text me or call me? What is this means? I am really confuse, i never send him message yet coz i want to wait..
I need your advise please help i met a man ones last 2012 after that we talked ti yhe the he wants to see me and i said yes to him after one day he ask me again if we can meet again he wants me to go to his place i dont want to go to his place so he ask me if he can come to my place and i said yes after that we have a lot of question for each other that night we had sex .. After one day i call him he didnt answer my phonecall and he just text that time that ” im on my way home , that night was not what i expected im sorry goodbye” and i replied him that dint feel sorry for what happened comeback soon i said that … And he dont replied me ..i like him but i dont understand why he sorry to me pls help me give some advise guys thanks
If a guy doesn’t call me within a day after sex, we’re done. He is putting u on his terms and will be only calling u when he is horny. A lady should expect a call within a day or bail.
Okey so I have known this guys for about a year, we have been good friends. He know how I am and knows that I’m not like other girls. What I’m trying to say is that he knows I have not done anything with anyone as sex wise. Sad to say I have not had sex for about 2 years and he knows that. We went out couple nights ago with a crew of friends had fun danced and just had a blast. We got back to my friends house everyone else went to sleep except us. Had fun just catching up laughing and the usual. When it was time to go to sleep because we were both tired. We started to cuddle then out of no were the making out came in leading to sex. He made me feel comfortable and had an awesome time. But my question is, why did he went to have sex with me knowing my none experience. In his eyes is this more of trying to get in my pants or trying to move on relationship wise. Just really confused about the whole thing. He hasent txt me after that happened. So I’m no sure if he is waiting for me txt back or like you explain trying to see how I’m going to react to us having sex. Please help. I really don’t want to loose him as a friend
This was a great topic.. love it, im def gonna take all this in… i have this guy im tryna get, but i started it off wrong by having sex with him the second time i saw him, it;s just the zex was different with him it was wierd it didn’t feel like the lame sex i have with other dudes.. we talked had fun, and we weren.t really worried about anything else but us… idk but i sorta wanna reel him in, i just dont know how to? & i was wondering if i should text him after we had sex and he left? is that a good idea? or should i wait?
About a week ago I came out of a 6 year relationship which was very upsetting but a relief at the same time. At the weekend I met this guy very randomly and both got quite drunk, and I ended up at his place where we kissed and a little more… I couldn’t stop thinking about him all weekend as he aroused something very powerful in me and I texted him on Sunday and asked if he wanted to meet up. I went over to his place and after a little bit of resistence on my part, we had amazing sex, which I think I regret now. He is a very emotionally withdrawn person and also just got out of a relationship where he was very hurt. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, I was looking forward to a few weeks of peace, but I find this guy so attractive, its like I’ve been hit by a bus. Anyway, he was very warm physically but very closed emotionally and didn’t really take much interest in getting to know me or complimenting me, even though he was very nice and respectful. I took it to either mean that he is just not into me, or he is scared of getting hurt again. I have decided not to contact him, if he wants me, he can call himself.. Is this a good move?
Nicole I would say that you are doing the absolute right thing. It is easy for people to get attached to someone too soon. So you are doing the right thing I believe in falling back and letting him drive your future interaction. Let him express his interest for you in a way that is beyond sexual. If he is emotionally distant I get that. It makes sense. But that just isn’t your problem and not your responsibility to take on to work him through. Let him figure our where he is before you guys start hookin gup again….. If you actual want something substantial to develop. If you just like to hook up with him, then by all means have at it. Just protect yourself at all times! Good luck!
Thank you for your comment 🙂 I have a feeling he won’t call and I have to let it go, sad as it may be. I will spend the next few weeks finding myself spiritually. That is the best thing. Thanks again
Whatever happend did he ever text you again I’m in the same position as you were
My advice, move on. Do not invest yourself into someone who is not emotionally available, unless u are okay with being a bootie call, if u r, then u can’t complain if he just cuts u off for no reason or with no explanation .
When you say pull back, shouldn’t the guy be making some sort of effort though? I dated a guy for ten weeks, once a week with phone calls, texts, etc in between. After spending the day together, we had sex and we spent the whole next day together and engage in more intimacy. (He offered to go to movies but i declined due to plans). The following week he was affectionate (perhaps even moreso than before) only to act flaky about a date and then stop calling altogether.I called him once Ans we spoke and all seemed to be well. Since then we haven’t spoken in over two weeks. Not sure what to make of it….
Suze
Don’t make anything of it at all. I know it is tough but fight the urge to be consumed with what he is is doing or thinking. In the end this on again off again type behavior just isn’t enough for you. If you want more than that then don’t tolerate it now. HE might be a good guy but who cares if it is not in a way that makes you comfortable. Just let him roll.
He should indeed make some sort of effort to match what you put in. If not, don’t you put in a greater effort to compensate for what he is not doing. This one didn’t work out but I am sure that another one will.
This totally makes sense. But what if he never called to begin with. We would talk about once a week to make plans. He’s not a chit-chatter and neither am I. We had been seeing each other, just about every weekend, for 3 months. We had sex for the first time 2 weeks ago. Since then he has not called. (So is it no calls in 2 weeks, which is really bad and he’s probably just done with me? Or is it just 2 less calls than usual and not that big of a deal?? )
I met this guy and we talked for hours at an eateryand they he wanted to leave and have me either go to his place or come to mine since we met halfway. Well we went back to my place. We were just going to watch some TV and talk but then he started kissing me and it just happened….we had sex. I don’t do that ever! He called me a couple days later and we made plans for the next weekend. This time I went to his place and I thought the plan was to just watch a movie but we ended up just having sex again. I didn’t really want all this to happen but I let it. I guess I was sucked in by him telling me how perfect I was, that I was so beautiful and how he loved my body and my confidence…(which I’m not a confident person) maybe that’s why I did it. Well to get to the point….he won’t talk to me now. Why do guys build you up and make you feel special and then break your heart? I think that is so cruel. He made everything seem like it was good…. he even said that an old girlfriend wanted to see him and he told her that he met someone else…then all of a sudden he won’t talk to me?? WTH … I made the mistake of sending him an email for Valentines telling him how I felt…and no I didn’t say I wanted a relationship or that I love you or anything…then when I didn’t get a responce I called him and of course he didin’t answer and I know he was home. So is this all totally screwed up?? I’m just confused …. the funny thing is that the sex for me wasn’t even that good but I still liked him. Should I just let this go, chalk it up to a bad experience and forget it?
It’s interesting how foggy our sight becomes when we meet someone. This blog was really eye-opening. I’m in my very late 20s. I’ve always had intimacy issues, so it’s always been hard for me to feel comfortable being physical or vulnerable with guys. Some months ago I met a guy who I immediately connected with. We had good conversation on the phone. He would text me or call me everyday for the few weeks leading up the our first date. It was a nice, simple date, as were our next couple of dates, and there was always a lot of physical affection, kissing, petting, etc whenever we were together, and I was surprised at how easily I slipped into it given I’ve often been afraid to be close to anyone in any way. After knowing him a little over a month we had sex. Here’s the topper: he was my first. What can I say? I’m a late bloomer. That night, we lay cuddled up, and I had the best, most peaceful sleep I’d had in awhile. He even called the next day, asking how I felt about it, wanting to make sure that I still felt okay with him and everything. It was nice. After that point, we had another date or two, had slept together once or twice more. We were both kind of mind blown by our sexual compatibility and sexual connection for various reasons. He’s shared very personal things about his life with me, before and after we’d slept together. But things have now changed. Some time after the second month, he became increasingly distant. Less calls, less text messages, and always an excuse and reason for not being able to go out with me anymore. A couple of our recently planned dates never happened because he ended up caught up in doing something for a family member. The last time we were to have a date he ending up not showing. An hour and a half after he was supposed to be there to pick me up, he sent a text saying he had to do something for a family member he takes care of. Then, it ended up being that he didn’t show at all, and hours later sent a text apologizing and saying he’d make it up to me. I used to see him at least 2-3 times per week. Now, it’s going into the fourth month that I’ve known him, and I only see him once maybe every 2-3 weeks. And we talk maybe once a week, if that, but he typically only calls now when he’s in transition, and doesn’t have time to stay on the phone but for a few mins, but he apparently just has a very busy life. Our last convo, a few days after he left me hanging on our date, he seemed very shut off and distant. He keeps telling me he cares, but I don’t feel it. He wants us to be exclusive, and tells me he hasn’t been with anyone else, but I’m finding that harder and harder to believe since he all of a sudden can’t seem to find much time for me anymore (and let me add that I have never accused him of being with someone else, so this comes up in conversation because I tell him that I wouldn’t mind if we weren’t exclusive, but he continues to express that he doesn’t want that…and neither do I.) He was burned by his last relationship, but is holding on to me, and asks me to be patient until he is ready for more. He expresses that he doesn’t want to be with anyone else, and that he just wants to be with me exclusively. But I have mixed feelings. We hardly talk, or see each other anymore, which also means we hardly even have sex now. And, if the sex as amazing to him as it is to me why aren’t we doing it more? I have expressed my feelings toward him, and it seems to be pushing him away. But I don’t want to play games. I don’t want to ignore his calls or texts, or make myself seem busy and unavailable at times when I’m not. I just want to be open and honest about how I feel. So, if he’s not ready, I know I should just move on. But if he’s being completely honest, maybe my trying to get close really is pushing him away? Or maybe he’s not that into me even tho he says he cares but barely calls or sees me? He’s says we’re exclusive but I feel like if he were sneaking around with someone else this behavior would make more sense. I just wish it were simpler. It is to me. I like him, but I want to know more about him, but the more I try, the more he closes off. I’m at a loss. And it just seems so soon for things to have taken a turn.
I am sorry that you are going through this sort of confusion. I think many of us have been at this point in relationships for different reasons. We are always searching for a cut and dry answer and it can be really nerve racking and emotionally draining. But no matter what we are feeling I do not think we can allow ourselves to be guided by our emotions if they do not match what our mind is telling us. The bottom line is this. You cannot spend your time and efforts and energy trying to authenticate the validity of this guys feelings. He could be messing with other girls or he could as you say be trying to slowly walk into his relationship with you in a way that will protect his wounded spirit from his previous relationship. What I know for sure is that it does not matter. What matters is that in a relationship you need to feel comfortable with your time spent together and your amount of communication. And right now it doesn’t seem like he is able to give those things to you at the rate that you require.
What I also know is that you are gambling with your time and feelings to just hang around and hope that he gets on the same page as you. He very well may feel like this is a normal dynamic in a relationship. But I doubt that such behavior is what you desire. A boyfriend that you never really see or speak to isn’t really a boyfriend. I hate to give advice because I am no expert and I do not try to pass myself off as one. but I will say that in any relationship I have I need a woman to be what i need her to be. If she is conflicted about whether or not that is who she can be or what she wants to be, I totally understand and respect that. But I allow her to figure that out on her own. not with the comfort of having me standing on the sideline waiting for her to be what I would like her to be. You should let him figure this out on his own. Not as a way to force his hand or give him an ultimatum. but for the purpose of you being able to move along with your life and not sit around waiting on someone to decide if they want to be with you. Don’t cut yourself off from other relationships or activities. Do your thing. Meet people. Hang out. Don’t sit around and pine over this situation. HE could very well be a nice guy and just need to get his head together. Or he just might not truly want to move forward with you. His words of sincerity are important. But his actions are equally important. And until they match all his talk means nothing.
I hope this helps you. I hope you are well.
Thank you. I’m fine. It was a momentary freak out. I had an epiphany after having a very eye-opening conversation with a close friend the other day. Looking at the bigger picture, he never actually changed…I did. Things were really cool in the beginning. We both were busy, and barely had any time to spend together, but always maintained contact, and continuously got closer, and then I had to quit something I was really involved in and began to focus solely on the relationship instead of myself or other things. So then it became that small things that were no big deal to me in the beginning just got escalated in my head. Silly things. He has never been anything other than what he’s said, yet in my head I started to make things up and sweat the small stuff. In short, I panic when I get close to someone. And when I, for whatever reason, begin to feel they are slipping away (and he wasn’t), I start to push for more. He’s been sweet, honest and good to me, and recently all I’ve been is a jerk. I don’t blame him now for being hesitant to call me or spend time with me. Who would want that? I pushed, and all it’s done is push him away. And all I had to do was just relax, enjoy him and let the relationship grow naturally. So, if and when he calls me I will apologize and maybe we’ll be okay. Or maybe he’ll want to move on, which is okay too. Lesson learned.
Wowie, I’m just speechless. I must be more like a man than a woman (although I have all the prerequisite parts to be a female. :P). I have never once thought of sex as a precursor to a relationship, nor have I expected a man to jump into a relationship with me simply because I had sex with me. As to the baby-daddy comment up there, thanks, but the only “baby daddy” I have going on is my husband — the father of all three of my children, lol.
Sex and love are two very separate things in my mind, and keeping them that way has saved me an awful lot of heartache in the end. I absolutely understand that not all ladies can do that, but if you cannot, please, do not have sex until you are in an exclusive relationship (like someone else mentioned). It’s not fair to you, and it’s not fair to him to do otherwise.
I had sex with *him*, not me, lol.
Me neither but if a guy tell u to our face he ain’t just about srx and looking for a commitment, then he shoudnt be using anyone for sex, that includes u.
I have a question…So I had a thing for this guy I met through other friends. The first time I really talked to him we ended up making out. After that it was a bit weird, but I still had a huge crush on him..so weeks later I see him at this party, we end up making out again, but then we end up having sex (my first time and I was pretty drunk). He knew it was important to me, so I asked if we could talk about it. He agreed so we talked and decided to get to know each other better. After that, he would text me first most of the time and on weekends ask me if I wanted to hang out..but it was always late at night (booty call?) and involved drinking at a friend’s house. We had sex again another night, but I was drunk again. After that I felt so terrible about myself…So the next time I slept over with him I said I didn’t want to do it anymore. He kept texting me the week after, but just casual conversation. Then one night he invited me over late again..made me dinner, had a candle…we watched a movie and he was all over me. I could tell he just wanted the movie to be over so we could do “stuff”. The movie was over and we started kissing, but he could tell something was wrong, so I told him that I didn’t want what we had to just be physical and I wanted it to mean something. He said he didn’t want to be “tied down” like he was in his last relationship. I pretty much made it clear I didn’t want to have sex again until I had a relationship with someone. The convo ended and we went to sleep next to each other. No spooning, no talking, just sleep. I woke up the next morning and left without saying goodbye. I sent him a text saying I didn’t want to wake him, but I had a good time. He has not talked to me since…it’s almost been a week. I don’t care if we date or not at this point, but it would be decent of him to at least say something. I did nothing wrong and I don’t think I deserve this.
First let me tell you to wipe away any sense of shame that you might have about something that you did. It is done now and you cannot take it back. And moving forward just keep these experiences as a way to continue to learn and make good decisions.
Now with that said, you slept with him too soon. Too soon for you. Too soon for him. Too soon if you want a relationship to develop naturally. Neither of you really knew each other well enough to know if you would even like each other outside of the physical attraction. And in having sex with a guy quickly he has no incentive to back track now at this point. We are all sexual beings that need to feel some sort of stimulation and satisfaction. But with men even moreso, his thinking can be muttled by sex. Muttled to a point that he is not seeing you for who you are once you interject sex into the eqauation. Women like to use the ideology of “making a man work” for sex. I reject that thinking in the sense that it sounds like you are testing his worthiness. While there is some truth to that it creates a thinking of someone’s worth being more valuable to anothers in a way. Obviously I have a male biased opininon but I think that women should force a man to get to know them before they have sex. And once he knows you, assess whether or not he is actually your friend and whether or not he really cares for you. And whether he is really likeable enough for you to care about outside of the infatuation that you have for him becuase of some simple attraction. A few dates with him where sex wasn’t an option and you may have figured out that you don’t even really like dude.
Now at this point you are concerned that he is not being a nice person and not showing you any type of decent cordial behavior. I do not want to speak definitively for your feelings, but I must say that it sounds a bit like you really like him and want him to be around in the hopes that he will take things where you want them to go. I can tell you one thing for certain. He is sitting at home a little bit ticked thinking to himself, “how is she gonna sleep with me and then all of the sudden just say she doesn’t want to do it anymore. She must think she is going to force me into being her boyfriend”. Now right or wrong that is most likely his perspective. And you should really consider just chalking this one up as a loss and moving on. Because it is going to be damn near impossible to change his impression of you. Which as it stands right now is “hot girl who I want to continue to have sex with”. He is going to have a hard time backing up to seeing you as a girl that he wants to get to know. Sex is such a distracting thing. But definitely do not make yourself just openly available to him unless that is all that you want. If sex is all that you want, then that is fine as long as you are being safe and protecting yourself. Just be honest about whether or not that is ALL you want.
Remember to put yourself first in all situations until you advance to a level where you have been invested enough to consider someone elses feelings as important as your own. ALWAYS protect yourself and be SAFE. Emotionally, physically and Sexually. Don’t be embarassed about the way this went down. We have all been there. Young and jumping the gun too quickly. Being your first encounter like this can be tough. but you can grow from this and know for the next time. Just always be patient with yourself, and put your well being first. Be well and email to keep me posted. I am always around to listen.
Thank you for clearing this up for me. Since I still haven’t heard from him, I had the notion that he was just mad- thinking to himself that he did all of that just so I wouldn’t “put out”. It’s still pretty hard knowing he’s just not going to talk to me anymore after all of that. I kind of get the urge sometimes to just send him a text and say “So, I guess you’re done talking to me now.” But I know that will make me look bad. I know there are so many guys out there for me that I will have better luck with…It’s just difficult to let this one go for now. Sometimes I wish I never met him. But thanks once again! You definitely know what you’re talking about 🙂
It is not about forcing him to be on your terms, it is about not allowing yourself to be used. Its about assuring u get the most important care and attention, and that is to your emotions. I see it like this you are a five start meal and just offered a sample, now its time to earn the meal in some way. In the long run he will either respect you or see his efforts to just use women for sex is starting to not work and decide to shape up.
First of all this is bullcrap. It might be a general rule but it does not apply to all situations. I had sex with a guy several years ago on the FIRST DAY. It ended in a 2 year relationship. Then I did this again a little while later with a guy I met in a bar once. It didnt end in anything, but only because I was afraid of ending in another 2 year relationship and i didnt want him to call me even though he insisted.
Yes, sex does not automatically mean that the man will like you. However, it also does not mean the man will not like you. Personally, I find it to be a much more grey area when women decide to follow some stupid rule like “90 days”. You know what, it may be that the man will fall in love after 90 days. Or he might not. Let me add that when I wait 90 days, I end up being so bored to tears that I rarely want to sleep with the guy after that time period. Because 90 days doesnt mean anything. Maybe he just thinks youre hot and is willing to wait 90 days to screw you.
Is it probably a good idea to not sleep around right away? Probably, I mean sleeping around can be emotionally damaging, dangerous, etc. But you know what, I’ve suffered plenty of emotional damage with men I didnt even sleep with, men that just strung me along for no reason, or that I dated for a long time and they decided to cop out on me despite my good girl and monogamous leanings. Being a good girl doesnt necessarily lead to a good relationship, and being a bad one doesn’t necessarily lead to a bad one. Yeah, its not what you heard in church but it’s true.
True, I was a good girl and always been commitment type and not sleep around and still the few guys I invested my entire being in, strung me along and lied to my face. Now I do not want sex at all unless I’m married or engaged and shown emotional love. I’m going a separation right Noe and my husband and I told him this and he is getting his act together after stringing me along for years, depriving me of sex attention and conversation. I flat out told him I’m not giving him any kind if sex at or getting back with him, unless he shows me he wants to love emotionally and values me. But if divorce, the next guy will need to put a ring on it, and he will be required to have a real friendship with emotional love, or we ain’t having sex, meaning no intercourse. I’m fed up and never going through it again, without at least being engaged. So he has to deal with the shame of using me for sex or cheating on me, if he decides to.
Hi there reasonable batchelor. I really enjoyed reading your advice today and a lot of it made a great deal of sense. I have another conundrum for you:
I have been very good friends with a guy for about 8 years. To start with, he was pretty into me and I was fairly oblivious to his advances or interest. At this point, we were very close friends. When I looked back on it a few years later, I realised what was going on (i.e. him liking me)
So, about a year after I met original guy, things ticking along nicely in the friendship domain, then I got into a long-term relationship with another guy, who didn’t like this chap and tried to stop me talking to him. I did, for a while. We went our separate ways (me and original guy) to go to uni and so on. About 3 years ago we got together unexpectedly having met up for a drink. Stuff happened and so on. Leave it about a year, and it happens again, more intense this time, and again, slightly less intense within the space of a few months. Texting has always been sporadic between these meetings and I had always been the keen one, barring a few instances.
Recently I have seen a lot more of him, having broken up with my long-term partner. When I first became single, initially he would initiate these meetings. Once or twice I even said I couldn’t make it. About a month of this, and I initiate a couple of meetings. He came on very strong with me after one of these, kissing etc, didn’t go as far as the real deal. Then we went out for a few a couple of weeks later (initiated by me), and again, he initiated being a bit romantic e.g. kissing etc and a lil more. I had to leave though. The day after he contacted me to go for food. This was really nice, too, almost like an afternoon date, really, but I had to get going after. Then I text him, possibly came on quite strong and he seemed quite put off. It’s been that way since but I asked him to go out a weekend ago. He agreed, unwillingly, saying he was broke etc but eventually said yes. It took a lot. Anyway, then stuff happened (real deal – not even in the evening so drunkness wasn’t an excuse) and I haven’t heard from him at all since…
I’m really not sure what to make of it, or whether I should text him… I’m not sure what changed to put him off, somewhere about a month ago?
My friends and I have this feeling about women as being super fickle and not really easy to please. Hard to read and a general pain to have to deal with sometimes. but the reality is that men can be the same way.
I can’t give you any advice because I am not aware of the full dynamic of what you and your friend have going on and even more so I don’t think that realtionship experts are real. What I can do though is talk to you like a friend. Which in my mind you are to me since you read my Blog!
So now…. This guy at one point was your friend. A long standing friend at that. But as usual sex sort of clouds that whole dynamic. not sure where you guys stand. AS friends, Sex partners or two people trying to build a relationship. So you should just do whatever makes you feel good. if you like just being intimate with him then cool. If you want something more then be straight forward with him and ask him about it. Now that is a hard thing to do for sure. But you can simply keep flaoting in a sort of limbo situation that he is controlling or you can take control of the situation and have this whole thing on your terms.
It can be really difficult trying to read someones feelings. My first inclination when people start to act distant is to drop it. because in my mind either they do not want to be around me or they simply just are not the type of person that I am going to be content with. Either way I should probably leave it alone. But from what you have said, if this was your friend at one time you should be able to simply engage him in a convesation. Just remember. Know what you want before you walk into the dialogue. If you don’t have a plan for yourself and what you want then you will basically be following someone else’s plan. and by plan I mean simply being in a position that will make YOU happy. Think about YOU in this situation. And even more importantly, make sure that you are being safe!
I hope I helped a bit.
Email me later and let me know what happens…..
jackson.bracey@gmail.com
Let me ask everyone this, if men weren’t trying to use women, how come many won’t sleep with a woman who establish with them before hand that they only want to have sex with them and nothing more? This is before he says it. If she tells him that, he looses interest or straws at agreeing. The reason being is because they want the woman to feel something deep emotionally for them before hand so the sex is as intense as they want it to be. With that said, it is evil and menipulative and cruel. It all sums to as many women say, “leading her on” what’s crazy is afterwards they try to act like it wasnt what they were trying to do and you just happen to fall for them. Yet you were just sitting their as they worked you over with charms, even looking u in the face and lying and saying “I’m not going to hurt u”
I am married. I have repeatedly told my husband how I’m tired of him gettin off & not me. He shows me no affection, he’s argumentive, when he’s home I watch tv alone. There’s no foreplay, no intimatcy. My husband is in the marines. I’ve been married for 8 years & have been faithful the entire time…even when he deploys. He does some crazy out of control things on top of not pleasing me in the bedroom. I went out with some friends and the bartender at the club started talking to me & we hit it off. We exchanged numbers & he came over that night after the club & we had the BEST sex ever. I thought that would be the end of it but that happened several months ago and he still calls sporadically of course! We lost touch for a while & I looked him up. We picked up where we left off. He even went so far as to tell me he loved me. He says he likes/loves me, but he goes weeks at a time w/o calling me. Something that started out as just sex for me now has my emotions all tangled up due to him saying the “I love you” thing! Oh I forgot to mention he says he’s married too…but not living at home.
First off let me say that I am truly sorry that you are having this sort of trouble. Married life can be really tough. especially when you have a husband who is deployed into rough situations. MAybe his experiences in his deployment are partly responsible for he disconnected behavior. And while I certainly wold not applaud the idea that you went out and hooked up with someone else, I am sure that it was all born out of a sense of desperation and discomfort for what yo have been dealing with. During stressful times people often do bad things in search of comfort. We just have to not let our behaviors become normalized to the point that we no longer think them to be wrong.
Have you thought about some real counseling with your husband? Do you still think that you ultimately want to be with him? Is your infatuation with this new guy real or is he just serving as a reservoir for your pent up feelings that have not been addressed in your marriage? These are questions you have to try your best to deal with. I also have to say that I think that you know what happened with the bartender was wrong and that you can’t let your hurt feelings keep pushing you to do bad things. Bad to your husband. Bad to the other woman. And bad on your spirit. This type of stuff can sometimes cause us to do thinks tha haunt us for a long time. And I am a true believer that what goes around comes around.
You might find your way yo being with the bartender. Who knows. But he is not the issue right now. And don’t let that cloud you from getting things together in your marriage. If you don’t want to be with him any more, say it and get that weight off your shoulders. Then any relationship that you build after that is supported by solid foundation. Or maybe you want to give a real strong effort to lay down the law with your husband. Let him know that you need him to be a more compassionate man in your life. I just hope that his deployment is not so awful that is is hardening his soul.
Whatever you decide to do be safe. And don’t allow anything extra in terms of drama to cloud the tough decisions that you already have to make….
Good luck to you. Keep me posted. Jackson.Bracey@gmail.com
Take this from someone who knows. I went 20 years through that. He will continue to argue u when u try to tell him or needs, and the reason is because u married or bootie call, he is emotionally unattached. If u remain he will drive u crazy emotionally trying to get him to feel u to the point where he cares his u feel. When u have emotionally connection the sex is very personal, close and passionate. He has not romantic or compassionate emotions for u and that’s why the sex is like that. You connected with the bartender emotionally so the sex was real and better. Let’s just hope the bartender wasn’t faking his emotion. If u do not leave u will just get angrier and fustruated and grow hatred for him
Sorry about typos, my android changed my words.
Thanks for this! I totally calmed my nerves after just having sex with a guy I have been dating for 10 weeks or so. I have been driving myself crazy the last day. I am just going to fall back and send out good vibes. Nothing dramatic.
I have a question. I met a guy about two weeks ago, and we’ve had sex. The last thing I heard from him was “Goodnight Beautiful”, and that was that. I tried texting him when I notice that he did not greet me as he usually had in the morning and became upset and left some angry messages for two days straight. Yes, I slept with him quick, but I waited a year to sleep with my ex and we fell apart soon after. The difference with this guy was that he practically begged me to give him a chance, and explained to me over and over how he was tired of the dating game and wanted a relationship- I mean why lie to that degree just for sex? I know that it was soon, but like I said I know waiting for sex does’nt mean that he won’t change after he gets it. We are both in our 30’s and professional adults, is getting a woman’s panties that serious!? I don’t want or need him but I’ve forgiven him, still I don’t truly understand it all.
Dee I am sorry to hear that this has happened to you. It sucks whehn someone is not entirely forthcoming with things and it can be damaging on a personal level to have to go through this sort of stuff. Some people can be weird like that. You nver really know. I was talking ot a friend the other day about a girl that he was dating and was starting to really be into. They talked daily, and went out frequently and over the course of a week out of no where she withdrew from him almost cmpletely and he couldn’t figure out why. Even more he couldn’t get a clean answer from her because she stopped answering his calls. You never know what gets into peoples minds. Whai I will sat is this. That if a guy desires you enough to have sex once, he will most assuredly want it again. So the sex is not his issue, I would say. It is something more. Something that has absolutely nothihng to do with you, your decision to sleep with him or any other idea that is probably running through your mind right now. It is all his issue. And it is not something that you should rack your brain to be consumed with understanding. If he has something going on, then you go on about your business and cut your loss. and be wary of him coming back into the fray when he is over his issue. Some people are cool with the idea of going dark or into a shell when things are going on. But in most cases that is destrimental and nerve shaking for the person that they are dating.
Be strong and don’t linger on this issue. It is his loss. Your gain. Just don’t stress yourself trying to understand his issue. Hope it works out for you.
Let me know how it turns out! jackson.bracey@gmail.com
Hi Reasonable Bachelor,
It’s been over two months since my initial post, and I must say that I have been very busy. I have dated since and have been enjoying life, busy with work and considering going back to school if time allots. I have forgotten about the man who fell off the earth and didn’t bother to contact me partially because I’ve moved on, even met other interesting guys and although I’m not in a relationship, I’ve learned and my standards have improved as well as the quality of men that I date. To cut to the chase, I received several emails from the man that posted about today, three to be exact. He claims his aunt died and that he’s lost his contacts. He also stated that he just shut down. He asked me to call, says that he missed me that he’s sorry.
Like you said, he would most likely try to come back again.
My plan is to ignore him, like he did to me. If he’s telling the truth then its just unfortunate. Thanks again for the great advice it really does give much needed clarity.
Thanks Dee! I am glad that things are working out for you. And I won’t take any credit for any sort of advice. I will just say that you made a good decision for you. And until you are in a serious relationship with someone you should put YOU first.
Too bad that this guy has been through some things. I think that is truly unfortunate. But that is not your issue. And the whole “Shuttting Down” syndrome that people go through is not a cool trait to exhibit when you are in a relationship.
Glad to hear that you are dating! I think that a positive spirit in a woman is very attractive and always brings good people into her life. Stay in touch!
Jackson
JAckson.Bracey@gmail.com
“Don’t make him feel secure about how much you are into him if he is not making you feel secure about how much he is into you.”
This should be in bold. And probably neon lights, too.
Hello. And thank you so much for hosting this blog were we can read and try to understand what really makes us tick. Its easy to think we are alone in our thoughts and refreshing to read its really more universal than isolated. So I will post my story and ask for feedback:
3.5 years alone, healing from a rape. May 4th, met a man (we will call him Sam) who was at a casual Sunday festival with friends. We spoke. He didn’t ask for my number and I didn’t offer it. But he knew my name. Due to events of the day one friend has his wife come to get him – he was drunk. I asked Sam if he left his wife at home, too. He said he didn’t have a wife. he asked if I would be back at the place we were the next Sunday. I told him I won’t commit to it but its possible. What I did not tell him was I didn’t want to get hopeful and show up to find him not there. I wasn’t sure how I felt about meeting someone at this time in my life. he came back with “So, say about 3Pm then?” And I replied again I was not going to guarantee I would be there or at what time.
The following week I did go after shopping and lunch. Just casually showed up at 4PM. He was there. We spoke, went to dinner and he asked for my number. I gave it to him. He texted me later that day saying he had a nice day. I replied the same. Then he called to take me out for my birthday. He picked me up and we went out 4 days before my birthday. He had plans on my birthday. We had a nice time. No kissing. He called the day before my birthday staying his plans changed and he wanted to take me to dinner ON my birthday. We went. Again, nice time, no kissing. He stopped by the following week with lunch. I live on the beach so we went for a walk with my dogs. No kissing. Dinner again 3 days later. This time I cooked – he was impressed.
Something was eating at me – he hadn’t invited me to his house. And he was always coming to my town – not having me go to his. So I asked. He said he was up for a promotion and since he works in public service for his city, he didn’t want questions about his personal life interfering with his career. This made no sense to me. I asked why dating me on his home turf would be an issue. He stated those he worked with didn’t know about his separation yet. WHAT???? I brought him back to that 1st day we met when I asked of his wife and he said he didn’t have one. He said he thought he had brought it up he was separated. I told him it must be someone else because he never told me. He looked shocked. And I was pissed. he spoke of the 10 year marriage ending 5 months ago due to her not being trustworthy. Said she moved out and was living at her mothers house. I listened. I then asked him to leave.
He kept calling and texting. I pulled back some – I had never dated someone that was going through a divorce. I’ve dated someone with an ex wife from hell though. Never ever want to go through that again. And I told him so. He said to give him some time until after the promotion which would be end of June, early July. He even told me of how the wife came to get her things and took all the furniture out of the house. Each time I asked questions, he answered. And I did some digging on my own to learn if it was the truth. And it was. He hasn’t lied to me to my knowledge to date. My head thinks if he ended a marriage due to trust issues, he wouldn’t be untrustworthy, right? LOL.
More dinner out at restaurants. Movies once. Motorcycle ride once. Cooked 2 more times. All this over a 2 month period. Then the texting heated up. He was more visual – I played it cool. I still wasn’t sure. I’m a passionate person and I’m a one person dater. I could tell he was into me – calling me every day, texting all day, seeing me 2-3 times per week. I didn’t always respond to him, sometimes waiting a day or too to reply. He burned up my phone with messages.
Then 2 weekends ago he came over after work. We ate dinner, relaxed and he started to fall asleep on my couch. I grabbed a pillow and blanket for him. I went to my bedroom to go to sleep. Next thing I knew he was laying there next to me. We both stared at the ceiling for about 5 minutes. I laughed and asked – are you as uncomfortable as I am? He said yeah – are you? I said yeah. He asked why. I said its been 3.5 years since a man was in my bed. he said its been 10 years since he was in another woman’s bed. We fell asleep on top of the covers spooning. He left the next morning with a deep hug and kiss.
A week went by and he came over this past Sunday. He brought a back pack with him. I didn’t ask questions but I made a mental note I didn’t ask him to spend the night. The back pack remained by the door. Dinner, several beers, a few yawns and there we were again on my bed. This time, not staring at the ceiling. The sex was deep, frequent throughout the night and into the morning. He had to leae at 7, but he stayed until 10 snuggling with me. Kissed me deeply and held me before he left. Called me that afternoon and again that night. I asked when I would see him again. He said he had a busy week and would plan for this coming Sunday.
Haven’t heard from him since. I haven’t called him or texted him. reading all that is written here and other sites, all ive read tells me to not bother him – let him come to me. Is this right? Do I just wait for him to work himself through? SHould I reach out and text or call him? Would that be chasing? I like him. Not in love yet. But I could go there if all formulates as it has been. I don’t want to have “the talk” and chase him away. But I DO want to know what he is thinking. I’m human. And I am soooo new at this. My thoughts are conflicting. Should I just let it be to see what will be??
Thanks so much for “listening”
Really touchy situation. And I can totally see how you could fall into a situation like this. Time seems to have brought the two of you closer and closer over the months.
However I will say this. he is married. Separated or not. That always throws some extra clouds into the sky for you. He really needs to handle that situation before anythign more serious materializes between the two of you. Because my experiences tell my that divorces are not divorces until the papers are signed.
IN terms of moving forward I think you are handling this whole thing well. Don’t press him for his attention. Just call him as much as you normally would. If you want to see him, call him over. If you don’t want to see him….Don’t. But keep your expectations low. Because right now you have a connection but it does not entitle you to anything with him. But when you do get in front of him tell him what you want. Consistency. Not his undying love and attention but some consistency for what is going on. If you guys will spend the night when you both can then cool. Just be consistent. adn whatever develops from there just does.
As a side note I would tell you to be cautious about serious expectations from a man who is trying to get out of a marriage. Many times people like that are not immediately ready to go right back into the flames and passions of matrimony.
But keep doing what you are doing. Don’t ignore him. Just keep the association on your own terms. Your convenience. ANd when the opportunity comes up, have a serious conversation with him about what you want. At this point there is not shame in that. And if after all these months he does not respond sensibly then he just isn’t the guy for you.
Hope this helps. Email me and let me know how it turns out.
Jackson.Bracey@gmail.com
Thank you. Considering my age (46 – and yes to those of you younger, even your mom has these issues), I felt it best to stay the course of my own self discovery. While successful alone over the past 3 years, its so much sweeter when you share it with someone. Unfortunately, his separated status means he is not 100% to be with me. And therefore, I need to make sure I don’t get hurt by being 100% available. On the other hand, he being 43 and currently separated, I also know he may want that ego stroking bachelor period once the marriage ends. I would be a fool tho think he would want to be involved with me right after. It may not be me he falls for for the long haul. I’m doing my best to stay true to myself and not be needy. In fact – its just the opposite – I need to pretend to need because I am too independent. I’m just stuck in this hard place where I want to be the nice, caring passionate person he’s come to know, while at the same time, deal with him on my terms, not his. Its a struggle in my head!
Thanks again. I appreciate the wisdom!!
All makes sense to me. Guess I better just lean back.
I slept with this guy last night that I met three weeks ago and we causally talk on the phone and text every other day since then. We hooked up and went to bed he didn’t touch me or speak to after we hooked up he took a shower changed and got into bed (I pretended to be sleep bc I didn’t know what to say -___-). I felt horrible because I was confused. I woke up and crept out and left a note that said his name and bye with a smiley face. He txted me a few hours later and said “nice note!” I waited hours to txt him and I said “I thought so too, what’s up” He usually txts back really fast but he hasn’t said anything back yet. How should I approach this situation?? I kind of want to call and ask why he didn’t speak to me or touch me after we had sex. (The sex amazing BTW for the both of us he talked during sex moaning and letting me know he liked me lol ) but anywho help me out on this one!
I think the question to ask here is what are you looking for from him? I think that if you guys just hooked up a day ago that he has a littel wiggle room to not be right back in your space before you conclude that he is not interested. And it might be too early to be overly concerned with the cuddling thing. I know for myself I don’t like to cuddle because it gets so hot. But I sort of tolerate it on ocasion.
I will say this. 3 weeks is not enough time for a guy to generally establish serious feelings. SO if I were you I would not really expect that as of yet. But I would urge you to examine if that is something that you legitimately want from him at this point as well. I can imagine that at this point you only know SO much about him. And moving forward don’t let the physical intiamcy become the focus of your relationship with him. You guys still hang out. Do fun stuff. Get to know each other and connect on a more important level. To guys sex is the prize. And sometimes we take our foot off the gas once we have that. But if you want something to grow with him, make sure that you get to know him. And let him know you. IN ways that are not tied to sex.
To early to tell about whether or not he is pulling back from you though. Be cool. I am sure that he will be back in the fold, Wanting to relive the exciting night you guys shared. Just remember to be safe and put You first!
Let me know how it turns out
Jackson.Nracey@gmail.com
This is the first blog I’ve ever chosen to follow. Kudos. I am out of a LTR for the first time in… really, my adult life, and I feel very out of my depth. Your perspective is very insightful and you’ve helped me to reflect on my posturing and change my tactics… From 16 year old to adult female. Please keep the information flowing. 🙂 thanks!!!
This was an interesting read. I’ve been of the scene for some time. I have been in an exclusive relationship for 12 years. We grew apart and decided to move on.. for the last two years I’ve been celibate but have desired an intimate relationship. Imet this guy who’s 6 years younger then I am and there is definitely some chemistry. He has made a pass but I don’t know if I should or how to respond. We have some much in common and I see him whenever we have departmental meetings. He’s charming and lights up when he sees me and always make conversations. Its been six months since my breakup and I’m interested in male companionship.
Sounds like you are in no short order for suitors. Most important thing is that no matter what you do that you protect yourself and put your feelings first. I am sure that after some time you are ready to be intimate with a man again which is totally undeerstandable. But the key for you I believe would have to be honesty about what it is that you want. Physical intimacy or emotional. Make sure that you are on the same page with your suitor so there is no confusion on either side. good luck!
I stumbled upon this blog after googling “he didnt call after sex” LOL… puzzled? just ask google. Well heres my story…
After a night of fun with the bff, we went back to her guy friends house. He had some friends there and we all watched tv and talked… as the night crept into the wee hours of the early morning, slowly people started scattering to other rooms of the house. I was left with this guy, we will call him D. Now D was FINE!!!! OMG tall, dark, handsome, make you wanna thank his momma! LOL we talked, laughed, and laughed some more. I could tell he was quiet but I am to so moments of silence werent awkward… it kinda just flowed.
He stood up, grabbed my arm and said “come over here” now I got worried because unlike my friend, I was not here for a booty call… more like friendly support lol anyways, he guided me to the longer couch and we ended up CUDDLING!!!! WTH omg i was so confused! what guy likes to cuddle? and cuddle with a girl he just met? He didnt grab my ass, try to kiss me, or make me feel uncomfortable… I actually didnt want to leave, it felt so right… *puzzled look* This was so wierd to me and a little of a turn on because I like when a man goes for what he wants. Anywho I ended up leaving an hour or so later with the bff. He didnt ask for my number and I didnt offer it.
Between our mutual friends we played a little game of number tag I guess, but never exchanged numbers. But I was confident that I would see him again.
Well I did, at a bbq back in June. As soon as I walked in and said his name, he jumped up, hugged me and asked me where have I been. I havent had that reaction from a man in a LONG time. Im like ummm does he really like me? Am i reading his cues right or is this all in my head?
We spent the whole time at the bbq together (although we didnt come together). He kept starrting at me and smiling. Then he finally asked for my number, then he stored it as “wife” IS THIS GAME HE’S RUNNING ON ME? like wth dude! He proceeds to show our friends his phone and says “thats my wife, yup that one right there” and smiles.
As the night cont. he asked for a kiss, and I said no. He continued to ask and I continued to decline. He ended up taking me home. Stll no kiss.
Well for the next month – things went downhill. No calls, no txt. We made plans twice and he stood me up twice. Once he said he fell asleep, and the other was a family emergency. I think he was just getting me back because I guess not giving him a kiss hurt his ego? UGH idk… thats dumb.
Anyways I deleted his number, I mean the man is gorgeous and has a lot going for himself, but so do I.
So I got a call/txt from him last week. He said he missed me and although he hasnt been a man of his word, really likes me and wants to get to know me better and spend more time with me. I agreed…. Did i make it to easy? No, why should liking someone be a chore? this is supposed to be fun, plus he gives me butterflies and makes me smile.
Well that night he picked me up after work and we went back to his place. We watched movies, talked, laughed, and I finally kissed him. Well that was the straw that broke the camels back because we ended up having sex (AMAZING!). He kept complimenting me all night, told me he thinks hes in trouble, said he really likes me and wants to see where things go as far as it becoming more.
I spent the night, The next day we had lunch and then went our seperate ways. He is really nice to me, compliments me, and does all these sweet things, but he is so withdrawn.
I know he works a lot and has a son from a previous relationship but I am a firm believer that we all make time for what we want. I havent heard from him since, minus a few txt messages that we sent after he dropped me home. I finally called today but didnt get an answer…. I dont know what to make of this? His signals are mixed. Sometimes I feel like he is into me, other times I feel like hes forgotten about me. Am I looking for to much attention? Am I not reading his cues? What should be my next move?
I really like this guy and we have a lot in common but Im stumped. Help!
Hilarious commentary when you said you wanted to thank his momma! That was pretty funny. I am not going to tell you that the guy does not really like you. I beleive that he does. But he has to be able to back up his words with his actions. And more importantly you have to be prepared to accept the fact that even though he is a nice guy that potentially he cannot give you the level of attention that you require. Because ultimately the attention you require is about making you feel comfortable. And based on what you have told me here it does not seem like you have asked for to much. I think it is reasonable to expect a man who talks you up in public as much as he does and pursues you with such vigor, that he would call you more consistently. It seems like when you are on his mind you are on his mind but when you are not….you’re just not. Don’t break your neck over this. allow him to meet you half way. And if he cannot you just have to realize that he isn’t gonna work out. Either that or settle for having a relationship with him entirely on his terms.
At this point it is not out of line for you to tell him that you just want his action to match his words. And not in the sense that you want to dominate his time but just that you would like to hear from him more often. And tell him that calling you to say hi sometimes makes you feel confident that he is really interested in you the way he says. Men who care like to assume the responsibility that small things like this will make you feel better.
Let me know how it turns out! And friend me on facebook if you have one.
Jackson.Bracey@gmail.com
it was fun reading all these message really some are facts and true and really i have learn t a lesson from them good wrk pals
hoping some one can give a feed to what am going to say
If u have slept with this guy more than once but on my terms rear phone calls unless when u need too talk and may be just say hi and if he calls he wants sex then one morning he calls and says can you come over i want some sex i have spend 3 weeks without sex
u respond like ” what happened to the other one then he responds that the other other in ha ps really i never thought of this as a relationship ma whole life sometimes i used to consider it as a game of sex as when i want to i do get it
but then is it necessary if he calls u after sex or not
some times it does hurt coz he makes it as if you are any depending on wat u will read say some thing pals cheers
am cool nice to be here
I had sex with my ex months after a huge fight.. He is in a relationship at the moment but we had sex after a conversation on sunday and since then he hasn’t called me. I have sent him three messages since then but still he hasn’t said a word and today is friday.. I would like to know what he’s thinking and what to do for I’m not sure if he’s into me and I still have little feelings
I met a guy through a friend and immediately had a huge crush on him. On paper we are a perfect match, both single, and attracted to each other. We hung out one night and he got flirty and asked me to get lunch with him that week which I did, but then he didn’t set up another date. Then we saw each other out a couple of weeks later and he was super attentive and sweet with me, and at the end end of the night he went for a kiss but I didn’t let him because we’d been drinking and it was right in front of a friend.
Over the next two months we were in a little contact, mostly me initiating, and hung out in groups and always seemed to have great chemistry in person but he was never asking me out. He does work about seven days a week and bartends all weekend so I know he’s very busy but I know he would make time if he really wanted to.
So then about a month ago we finally ended up alone after going out with friends and as he was dropping me off we kissed and since I’d been drinking I decided to stay with him instead of driving home, but I told him in the car that we weren’t going to sleep together so I wouldnt give him the wrong idea. Once we got back to his place we ended up naked together and making out, and he told me that he was really glad our first kiss happened liked that and not the time he had tried. He also told me that after I had turned down his kiss he thought I wasn’t into him, but now he knows. When he wanted to have sex I wouldn’t let him and he didn’t push it at all and said sweetly “Yeah we should wait, but it’s going to be a great summer, ” so I assumed that meant he wanted to get to know me and spend time with me. It felt like a really romantic, intimate night, and afterwards went to sleep and cuddled the entire time until we got up in the morning. He held my hand in the car on his way to drop me off and we kissed goodbye, and a little later I texted him a smiley face and he texted back a winky face.
However, since then he still hasn’t made an effort and when I’ve tried I get the vibe he’s kind of of blowing me off. It’s taken all the strength I have, but I’ve completely resisted the urge to send him any sort of emotional or upset message. I’ve been so confused and can’t help but think I moved too fast with him physically before we really got to know each other, even though we didn’t go all the way, and he’s pulled away assuming I want to force him into a relationship. I guess I’m just wondering does this still fall into the sex category even though we didn’t go all the way (he went down on me), or do guys consider this kind of thing a tease? I know it doens’t matter, because in the end he’s not giving me what I need, but I just want the male perspective.
First let me say this is a great question. And you are totally normal for feeling some kind of way about his reactions to being around you for something more serious. He seems to be giving all of the emotional affectionate cues that would make you think that he is really trying to make something serious between you two. Not being an asshole and being a gentleman when he is with you can be a good sign. However….the fact that he only does these things when you are together is a problem. A big one. The fact that he does not follow up with you is causing you the sort of confusion that you really do not need.
What you guys did physically is not a reason for him to pull back from you with any feelings of “been there done that” Because in essence he has not gotten anything from you. If Anything I would expect him to pursue you more because he was so close to entering the “magic kingdom”. But him pulling back says one major thing to me as a guy. he likes you enough to pursue you when it is convenient for him but he is not going to stretch himself to make the sort of effort that he would need to make to be your serious guy. And that is not an awful thing. That is just how he feels about you. It is no knock against you it is just his opinion. The awesome thing is that you were smart enough not to sleep with him too soon so you have really lost nothing in this deal.
HE clearly is not prepared to give you the sort of comfort and security that you would need from a relationship so you should just move on from it all right now. Messing around with him any further would just be an exercise in frustration. YOu would be taking a gamble and wishing upon a star that one day he will be who you want him to be , when all the while he is showing you who he actually is. SO if you proceed with further contact with him you should move ahead at your own risk, Do things at you own convenience and always remember to put YOU first and protect yourself. hit me on my email and let me know how it turns out. And be happy! this could be a lot worse than just some hurt feelings over a lack of phone calls. YOu could have actually given up the goodies to this dude! lol
Jackson.Bracey@gmail.com
Thank you for your thoughtful response. I think you hit the nail on the head, and that was what I thought too, that it’s more a matter of convenience for him but he’s not going to step up to be what I need in a relationsip. I haven’t contacted him in a couple of weeks and I’ve deleted his number and finally unfriended him facebook last night, and I’m trying to move on! I’ve been tangled up with the wrong men before and luckily I’m getting out of this one before I got in too deep. Thanks again! 🙂
I think it’s decent advice but men giving this advice never mention how the man that you’re dating will simply sleep with other women while waiting on you. So what you waited 90 days…he’s been sleeping with other women and then you join the pack. I tried the 90 waiting period for shits and giggles in my last serious relationship. Guess what happened I was turned off by him sexually and could not see myself continuing to have sex with him so I dumped him. I don’t believe in arbitrary waiting times. I recently had sex with a man after two weeks and guess what I can’t get him to stop calling and texting and making plans to see me. Are we in love…no; that takes time and it may never happen. Being a goody two shoes will not save a woman from heartache with men believe me and plenty of ex-wives can attest to this. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. Keep your legs closed and remain untouched or do what you feel in full realization of the consequences. Women deserve to have sexual pleasure and should not be made to feel like whores because of it.
Update the guy that I slept with after only two weeks is now my boyfriend and he asked on his own without any push, suggesting or hinting from me. He doesn’t believe in arbitrary sex waiting times or judging women based on how long they wait, his words not mine. The way he asked was so old fashioned and gentlemanly, it was perfect. The take away in all of this is that there are no hard and fast rules, only probabilities and deviations. This whole process, from meeting to being a couple took 5 weeks.
That’s Awesome! Congrats!
I made a big mistake and slept with a guy after a few weeks of dating him. He had a dozen roses sent to my work after our 4th date (I hadn’t slept with him yet). Later that week he delivered cold medicine to my work (in person) when I got the sniffles.
Finally, that following weekend, we spent many hours hanging out at his place and we ended up having sex. However, I didn’t let him finish. I wasn’t ready and I probably shouldn’t have even begun. Anyhow, we went to bed and he stood with me the next morning for a while, talking about this and that. He asked if I would come visit him at his new place where he was moving (same city) and that we could go to a local restaurant up there. I had to leave and he walked me to my car and almost seemed like he didn’t want to leave.
A few hours later I get a text telling me that a movie I wanted to see was still playing in the theaters. He didn’t ask if I wanted to go. I said “Great!” and didn’t hear back from him until later in the evening when he asked how my studying was going. Again I said good, he said good and that was that. Again, no other response or follow up fro him.
Am I wrong to assume that he should respectfully be contacting me a bit more today and making plans to see me again? Did I ruin it by sleeping with him too soon? I rarely have sex with a guy before dating him exclusively and at least for a few months. He also said “I like hanging out with you.” Which to me made me believe he wants something casual. But why go through all the trouble of getting me flowers, etc?
I will say this Destany. Just relax a tad bit and take a big deep breath. You met a nice guy, took it a bit to far to fast but it is not all lost. he seems by your post to be pretty attentive so far. I am not sure if you want him to call you repeatedly through out the day or what, but I think he is far from avoiding you. And what’s more he seems like he is open to seeing you more.
I would say this though. be mindful of being indecisive about the whole sex thing. Know what you want to see happen before you get together before so you have no regrets. At the same time be cool enough to tell him that you are sorry about giving him an awkward impression of what your interest is. that way he can know that you are not playing games with him but simply trying to hold on to your morals or emotions. I find that guys generally respect that in women. makes them feel like you have not done this sort of thing with everyone.
Keep me posted
Jackson.Bracey@gmail.com
I like your advice…I am going to listen to your advice and heed your warnings signs and let you know in a couple of weeks how this all pans out…I was never graced with patience but I really like this guy and I am going to stick to your advice and hope things pan out!
Is it possible that guys just get werid after really great sex too and they arent sure what they want?
I definitely agree with… what guys are actually afraid of is getting into a relationship that we are not certain about… THEN how do I become that relationship he is certain about.
I dated this guy for about three months or so and things were great, we saw each other 2-3 times a week and did fun things together and enjoyed each others company. At the end of those months he broke things off with me saying he didn’t feel a connection, or he didn’t know whether or not he wanted a relationship, and he wanted to remain friends. I said I didn’t think I would want to be just his friend because I obviously had feelings for him. A couple weeks went by and I text him saying hi , he showed up to my house that very night a little drunk saying he missed me and kissed me. The next day he apologized for his behavior and told me to disregard what he said. I told him we could try to remain as friends and see what happens. We made plans to hang out the next day as friends and ended up sleeping with each other for the first time . We talked to each other right after and discussed what just happened and he considered it a “slip up” He knows i want more from him. And ever since that night I have yet to hear from him,its been a week. I have not contacted him because I think if he wants to talk to me it should come from him . Help???
Just a test becasue I would like to make this post as anon as possible ps love the read you make perfect sense on all the replies I really need some Male advice because I’ve put myself in such a sticky situation please help thereasonablebachelor
I’ve already done the insecure email thing… though there are extra unusual circumstances in this situation. Maybe it’s over before it started, I don’t know. But for a woman it’s hurtful and I don’t know why men and women have to be made so differently. If a woman is not someone who sleeps around, sex means a lot to us and we need some kind of reassurance that the man is going to stick around afterwards… when we don’t get that it hurts like hell!! I seriously hate this!!
Totally undestand that. men value women for not sleeping around. They really do. But it is important for women to protect themselves emotionally by challenging a man to proclaim is committment before going to that place with him. It is hard to do in today’s society with so much sexually influence.
It’s a weird situation though, coz we already discussed that we’re not into full commitment and we want something in between friends-with-benefits and a relationship. Maybe that can’t work, I don’t know! But it’s been quite coupley and very comfortable when we’ve been together, and felt like a bit more than we’d both said we were looking for. Thing is, I found I liked that, I think he did too! I dunno. He has responded to my email today actually, and seems his usual self. So I’m now going to play by these rules and see if I can keep this going at least a while longer! Thank you for the very insightful article. 🙂
That sounds bad, ‘not into full commitment’. What I meant is, we have things going on in our lives that mean we can’t commit right now to a full on relationship, boyfriend/girlfriend type thing! But there are feelings there and we’re very at ease around each other. It makes the whole ‘casual’ thing kind of difficult! But I also don’t want it to stop!
Ok,so over the past momths,i been a little naive…sleeping with guys..thinking that sex on the first date really wouldnt affect anything..well recently, i got a new job and notice that one of my coworkers seem interesting in me…so i gave him my number and we texted..texted texted day 3 he came over to chill and he just kept touching me in sexual places, i was really trying to get to know a guy rule, but i got horny from him doing that, so we had sex…:(..now hes doing the drawn away thing..its crazy because we work together so now i have to toughen up and work with him, now dont get me wrog, at work we still talk, play around etc..but when i leave work, itslike the communication has died down, ill text him..and he usually responds, but it doesnt seem like the guy i met before sex, i was going to snap but my friend said dont, and after reading this im glad i didnt. Im not expecting a relationship, i just want things to be back normal, but then again i dont want to tell him im not expecting a relationship, because last time i did that..a guy really took advantage of that….but today i didnt text him at all..he didnt text me, i just want to know, should i just act like we never met?
Thanks for all the post on these issues. I’m struggling to understand and be patient with the guy I’m currently seeing. He lives in another city about an hour from me and we are both very busy people, but we met on a dating website and after a few weeks of emailing, met up and clicked straight away. We’ve been meeting up for about 8 weeks now. After I went to his to watch movies about 10 days ago, we ended up sleeping together. This was after I recently brought up the question of what page he was on and stating which one I was on. After getting a response I was happy with, I was comfortable sleeping with him.
Due to both of us spending Christmas with our families in different parts of the country and working we haven’t seen each other since that night. We were supposed to meet up for a quick meal a few days after but he cancelled saying his DIY that day was taking far longer than originally thought. Anyway, yes I’ve had texts from him, and multiple on Christmas day but definitely no phone calls. I stupidly left my phone at work for a few days and just logged on to the dating site to email him just to tell him this, when I discovered he’s been logging on there recently.
I don’t feel I want to question him about it directly as it is still early days and I’d probably sound much more accusatory than honestly intended! But it does make me feel very insecure about the whole thing and now I haven’t heard anything from him today, and just 1 message yesterday evening.
Any advise would be welcome. Thanks, Ellie
Sorry I took so long to reply to this but I want to try to speak to your concerns a bit.
I think that we can sometimes get ahead of ourselves when we become close to someone and in doing so we get a little frantic about things like communication. How frequently we call and the how long we talk become things that we are concerned about. I would say to you that if you are used to a certain amount of communication before sex happens then that should not take a drastic turn after you have sex. But I understand the patience that you are showing by being understanding around the holidays. (BTW…how did you make it without your phone?!!?!?! I feel naked without mine! lol)
But I think that the issue is your concern over whether or not you aer the only person that he is dating. I am not familiar with how dating sites work but I do know that if I had a profile, that I would not only log in when I want to send a message but i would log in to see who is sending them to me. I think that it may be a bit to soon to question him about what he does on that site but it is totally fair to you to ask him if he is seeing other people. It is fair to ask him if he sees the two of you working towards an exclusive relationship. That is sort of what getting on a dating site is about I feel. To find serious relationship people. Now that being said I do not know exactly what he has already told you. But I do know that it is not wrong for you to want to gauge his expectations and where his head is. The key is to be friendly about that conversation. And not pose it in a way that will make him feel like he will be less than direct and truthful.
I hope this helps. Email me and let me know how things develop.
Jackson.Bracey@gmail.com
Hi, firstly thank you for taking the time to answer my post! I’m sorry I’ve not replied before now but to be honest I’ve not known what the hell is going on in order to put into words!
Things are still very up in the air. So, the week between Christmas and New Year, I didn’t get much response from him so that’s why I emailed you here. Then New Year we spent apart with our respective friends. He was texting me a lot that night which surprised me in a good way, did this not mean I was in his thoughts… Then messages were back to the levels of before we slept together so that was ok too, but there was no mention of when we were going to see each other again, so I asked if he wanted to meet up one evening that week. I don’t assume the guy has to initiate all the time but I know he works more than me so sometimes I’ve waited until he’s got some free time. However, what with my ‘wibbles’ over everything, I wanted to see him.
His text response was thus: ‘well I really need to be home by 9 as I’m up for work at 4, so it would have to be an uber quick meet up! 😦 and unfortunately I’m back on lates on Fri, so I’m off the map for another week 😦 Poop.
After not seeing me for over 2 weeks, I interpreted that as a blow off. Wouldn’t you? It struck me as the kind of message a guy would send if he didn’t know how to end things. So, I waited a day before replying because I wasn’t sure how to respond. In the end I put this:
Texts are easily misread in terms of tone of voice. This is not an angry tone, just inquisitive and slightly pouty.. I’m someone who values honesty. If that was a brush off then just be honest because it feels I’m low on your priority list. I like you and I’d like to continue meeting up but I’m not so sure on your side of things.
He replied a few hours later saying sorry, he wanted to ring, but the DIY went on late so could he ring tomorrow. He said by no means was it a brush off and he was just miffed he has such little time to see me. etc.
To be honest I wasn’t sure what to make of that because he could have just put his tools down for a few minutes to call but he didn’t. Yet, he called the following day and spent some time saying lots of nice things and explaining how many work things he’s juggling and that I’m the first person he’s been with since his last girlfriend a few years ago, and he hadn’t realised just how busy his work hours are until he started seeing me.
I listened and as usual got suckered into continuing even though he’s said things like his work’s only going to get worse, etc. I don’t think I can continue to ‘see’ someone if I can’t share time with them to get to know them properly! We’re at the stage where we should be seeing a lot of each other to see if we really do work well together.
We’ve been messaging regularly since then but I’ve still not seen him and he hasn’t mentioned when he is free.
Sigh. I don’t think I’m going to continue down this path much more if he can’t find time to see me. In a past job when I would work up to 80 hours a week I started a new relationship, even longer distance than this one, yet I found time to see him. We made it work at the time. Now, this guy just doesn’t seem to care enough about me to make room for a relationship. And if there isn’t a relationship then what is there? Texts are getting old fast, but it’s such a shame because we have a lot to talk about when we’re together and I haven’t felt so relaxed and myself around someone in a long time. I see so much potential between us but at the moment he’s not doing my self-esteem any good at all. 😦
Sorry to have rambled for so long!!!
Ellie
Wow, that really was a long post, SORRY!
Hello,
Well, I just met this guy online. We got on really well and texted each other all day for 5 days straight. Honestly I wasn’t really looking for anything but something caught me about this guy, maybe the fact that he was from Israel (Im from a diff country as well) and seemed to be cool and more interesting than most guys I have met. I told him after 5 days of texting that I was going to a birthday party at a club of one of my coworkers and that he could come over if he wanted to. He came to my house first, we talked and went to the party. I had a lot of fun with him and my friends. After the party he stayed over my place and we ended up having sex. The sex was amazing, so many times for all night long. We were supposed to work the next day but he stayed in my place for a little longer. We cuddled and everything, then he said we were really good together at the party. He left and before that he asked to friend him on Facebook. I did that later on, he accepted it. An hour after he left I even texted him “I had fun with you, thank you for coming” and he answered right away “For sure… It was superfun :-)”. Then that was it. Next day I texted him “hey cutie” and he answered me with a smiley face saying he was great going to go shopping in a bit, so I told him to have fun, he said “thanks!!”, and that’s it. I know it wasnt even a day since the last text but I guess I screwed it up now. I guess I just didn’t expect that I was gonna like him much, and I kinda feel bad now. I don’t even know if I’m gonna see him again. We girls can be so weird emotionally, I really didn’t want anything serious with anyone and now I feel bad. Do you think I totally screwed it up? I don’t think I should take a next move. Thank you for reading!!
Hi Reasonable Bachelor,
After reading all these posts I’m realizing I did my research after the fact and stupidly slept with a guy after a week on date number 4. What’s baffling to me is he already said he wanted to be exclusive, referred to me as his gf and so I thought we were in a relationship.
I knew as soon as we had sex something was wrong. He was withdrawn, emotionally detached and texted me the following day to cancel our date and that was it.
I don’t even know why I slept with him so soon other than I felt like we were bf/gf and it was alright. Now I know that is not the case. I don’t expect to hear from him again and while I know there is no way to avoid this in the future, I’m not sure how to handle myself going forward.
Thanks.
Confused
Need some advice. So this guy i dated on and off for about a yr (we went about 3 months without much contact- texting wise) then reconnected in late November except this time he calls me alot more instead of just texting like before. I made sure I didn’t see him before I was ready bc I would end up sleeping with him again like before and I’m not looking to just hookup with him. vday weekend is first time I saw him (he gave me a beautiful necklace from expensive jewelry store) and it was great but after I left that weekend we’ve had no contact. I don’t get it. I thought maybe he used me as just a hookup but Everyone tells me he’s emotionally invested in me in just the way he acts and treats me and from what they can see. and he does act like a bf but w/o the title. but why pull and push with me? Why give me something pricy if he’s only looking to hookup? How should I deal with this?
Great advise! Thank you, helps looking at this from a guys perspective. I made the mistake… I’ve always had a thing for this guy, for years. We slept together, now he hasn’t called or contacted me in 3 days. My best friend 2 of the best bitches I know, told me I need to be more of a bitch, cuz guys take advantage of nice girls. I’m naturally very optimistic person, I decided that that I love this quality in myself & I’m not going to change into a bitch ( no matter how empowering that may feel) because I love myself no matter what this jerk feels about me.
i work with a guy; a much younger guy. he’s 38 i’m 51. he’s married, i’m single. he’s worked there for years, I just started 8 months ago. i’m his supervisor. our “relationship” started out as an alliance against the other supervisor. as time went on, we ended up on a date which led to my couch which led to him getting a BJ. I have since came to my senses, told him that I must not be involved with him personally and that I no longer need the alliance; I will be a supervisor first. now he won’t speak to me. in fact he can barely even look at me. i’m wondering if he had feelings for me, or if he’s just scared now that i’ll cost him his job. any words of wisdom here?
as a woman…..and a professional psychotherapist, i must say this is a great, down-to-earth article of saying many important things about ‘communication’, intimacy, and the important reminder that a man giving a woman ‘space’ to reconsider (rather than freak out and take it personally), and pointing out some important different gender styles is very valuable….to both sexes. thanks for sharing!
I am a bit at a lost. So I met this incredible guy on the train, we talked for hours, then exchange addresses and email and numbers. For over eight months we constantly talked, texted but could not meet because I was living abroad, for a work placement. Then we met in February, spend the whole day talking and exploring edinburgh. I live just on the border between England and Scotland, he lives further up in Edinburgh. At the end of our first date, he did not kiss me, just a hug and I was a bit upset I must admit. then he texted me later that night and said how much he wanted to kiss me but could not because he was not sure how I will react since we had more a friends thing going on. I replied back saying he should have kiss me, I wanted him to. So he asked me for another chance. I agreed we met again in Edinburgh after two weeks, and we ended up in a hotel that night. the next day he was all nice and warm and we were supposed to be meeting in the afternoon. Then he texted me back saying he suddenly had a work emergency and I should just go home, he will be in touch. Since then his sms, been rare, he does not reply to me until several hours.
I am 25 years old, he is 42 years old. If it was a guy my age, I would have been like, its clear , the guy is keeping me up as an option,it is just sex for him. I do not want a commitment from him, but I do really liked him as a friend, and I am a bit unsure how to go about getting back to the friendship state. Also he does randomly text me at times getting all passionate, then withdraw the next day saying, oh I was drunk, stressed, forgive me for being too explicit.
I know he does not fit my expectations of a man I would like to have in my life, I would never be able to go beyond just a fun relationship with him, for several reasons, he is divorced with kids, and quite cynical, not what I want in a life partner for sure. But I do want to see him, because as friends we really connected, however I dont know if I was the only one who felt the connection. Did he then just wanted sex and not want to have any sort of relationship with me once this is done? I do not want to give him the impression I want a relationship when I am not aiming for this, but on the other hand, how do I tell him, hey I like you a lot, and want to pursue our friendship, when he does not seem to want to, or is just into sex??
I need some answers! I have have been in love with a guy that used to live two streets over from me. We have been intimate off and on for the past 15 years no questions asked. We never even brought up relationship statuses all these years. Recently we were hanging out all the time, talking, texting, going out with friends even eating dinner at his mom and dads house and out the blue everything changed! We were at his brothers house cooking out and all of a sudden he confessed to me he has a girlfriend. I was crushed because i wanted more from him. I was almost in tears, but held them back and he left. His brother and his sister in-law told me he always talked so highly of me and how much he likes me and that he was Stupid for not seeing how awesome of a girl i would be for him. I was so upset and angry I told him we are not even friends and never will be because he hid things from me and I told him friends don’t do that. I’m very sad because he made me laugh and soooo happy whenever i was with him. I feel like i lost a friend and a potential lover. He told me to be patient that he is just “talking to me” that he is confused and when he is around me he thinks naughty things and having a girlfriend makes it complicated. Should i continue to be his friends with these strong feeling or just let him go. seems this has been a problems for 15 years…………..
OK so I met this really nice guy online. We actually have mutual friends which made it nice to know that he was someone safe. To make a long story short…. we hit it off. Text and calls all during the day and night every day. He asked me to be his girl! We Had sex the first time after 6 dates or 6 weeks. Then 2 days later got the everyone giving him crap about what the hell is he thinking? He hasn’t been divorced very long. It was final before we started seeing each other. So he said after we had been exclusive that he needed to slow down. Of course my emotions set in. I first told him that I couldn’t see us going back to being friends and that maybe we should just cut our losses and move on. Then the next day I was kicking myself for being an idiot. He wasn’t ending the relationship, just wanted to slow way down. So I tried to backtrack and told him that I could slow down. I didn’t want to loose what we had. Too late! He said I freaked him out with my reaction. I made the mistake of texting him how bad i felt and really opened up to him on a very emotional level..of course no response and now i Haven’t heard from him in a few days….. is it a total loss.??? His last text was “. I think I am done… 😦 ”
I think I really messed up something great! 😦
OK so I just got my answer. Its been 2 months now. – Yes I screwed up! I even had texted him a couple more times since my post. When I probably should of followed the no contact rule. I was thinking there was no harm since we were bf/gf when we had sex. My mistake! He has never replied and when I asked if he wanted to go do something strictly as friends his reply was “I’m not interested and I would appreciate no more contact from you”….. WOW!! Ok. I have learned a very hard lesson!……. 😦
He didn’t even have nice teeth….
Me and a guy finally slept together after many months of him pursuing me. I knew I liked him, but I’m in a relationship (that I don’t want to be in). I heard from the guy twice, but that’s cause I initiated conversation. I have to admit, he did come quick, and after he did, he said, ” Oh, you’re funny.” When I realized what he was talking about, I didn’t reply cause I didn’t want to embarrass him. He knows all I wanted was a sexual relationship with him, so when I wasn’t hearing from him, I began to text asking if it was something I did or what happened, and that I was confused. After a few days he replied saying that I did nothing wrong. I recently saw him and blew the horn, I then waved and he waved back. A few days later I texted him saying that I was still confused, I didn’t know what was up between us, but still, no reply. If only I had read this prior to showing him any emotion. Do I continue on like nothing ever happened?
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This is a great blog and even at 43, I am learning wisdom from this thread. I have been dating a separated man since January (now mid-May) and we only slept together for the first time last week. He initiated it and texted his boss to say he would be late to work as he wanted to be with me longer and dropped me off in his car to my work. Prior to the physical we have been seeing each other once or twice a week, all very joyous, fun and easy company. We get along very well with great ease. I saw great potential with him and was happy to bide my time getting to know him. He has met my family, been to my workplace and knows where I live. He holds my hand crossing the road because he is worried about me and he never fails to ask ‘how I am’. He asked me last week to meet his mother (prior to us sleeping together) and to come with him on an overseas trip.. He has been separated for >2 years and there are no kids. He said he was ready to move on and has previously dealt with his breakup through counselling. However, I last heard from him more than a few days ago and that was merely an sms addressing some practical matters (about collecting a bicycle). Nothing at all about what’s just happened and changed between us. I can’t help thinking this is not good and would be utterly devastated if he cut me off. I really like the guy and we had a solid foundation of friendship prior to anything sexual. I’m floundering right now, even though I know I need to be strong, as it’s just so hurtful for them to withhold after first time sex. Right now I feel utterly like an itch that he had to scratch and merely a vessel he ejaculated into. If I don’t hear anything more within a week, I’m really going to be get depressed. And he was one of the nice ones. What more does a girl have to do? It shakes your former positivity, core beliefs and knowledge of self.
Hello! I know this is kinda off topic but I’d figured I’d
ask. Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe guest writing
a blog article or vice-versa? My website addresses a lot of
the same subjects as yours and I believe we could greatly benefit from each
other. If you happen to be interested feel free to shoot me an e-mail.
I look forward to hearing from you! Great blog by the way!
I’ve been dating this guy for like 3 months. And while we keep playing the game of him not callin me and me pretending to not be interested and vice versa. While we have slept together, he’s said that he didn’t want to date anyone else but nothing else has been said but every time he drinks it’s all he says is how much he likes me, how he wants to marry me and he’s in love with me. What’s the deal?
Brilliant blog! Thankyou xx
I just wanted to say thank you! I am normally a pretty relaxed person and don’t tend to freak out or get upset easily, but I’m starting to really like this guy..I slept with him way too soon though, and I felt him pull back.. and I started to feel hurt and sad about it. But then I read your article and I feel much better and definitely am going to take your advice!! So thankkk youuu 🙂 it really helps to hear it from a guys perspective!!
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what about when it comes to ex’es
hi i need help
i just slept with a married man, i know he is not mine but i just hope he”d send at least one sms..after our thing he called the next day but i missed his call so i called back he picked up and i could not hear anything i think he was mumbling ..and he dropped the phone i smsed and he never replied….i just want to know should i text or wait..mind you we work together 😦
How do you go about an ex boyfriend that you still hook up with?
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I want to testify about how DR.kokotemple bring back my husband who left home for two years to south Africa for a tourist, where he meet another woman and he was bewitch by the lady,my husband refuse to come back home again,i cry day and night looking for who to help me,i read a news paper about a powerful spell caster called DR.kokotemple and i contacted the spell caster to help me get my lover back to me and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods well fight for me.. he told me by mid-night when all the spirit is at rest he will cast a spell to reunite my lover back to me. and he did has he said 3 days after my husband com home and he was crying beging me am sorry. am so happy me and my are back for good. Thanks be to dr.kokotemple In case u nead a good spellcaster u can contact him on this email address dr.kokotemple@gmail.com
dr.atitiokotemple@gmail.com my thanks to you for a great works
When I married my husband I was already pregnant and so I didn’t have a job. He had a really good job though so I was able to stay home and take care of our son when it was born. When we had our second child we moved to a bigger house, but then strange things started to happen. Things would fly off the walls and doors would slam at night. Our oldest son talked about seeing figures and hearing voices. We consulted a medium and they said the house was haunted. After living there about a year more with only minor occurrences we moved out. That was when the bad luck started to happen. Everything started to fail, with my husband’s job, our money and our luck in general. I went back to the same medium and they told me that a spirit had followed me and placed a curse upon me for disturbing it and not being respectful in the previous house. He tried to remove it but was unable. The misfortune kept going on and getting more severe as I tried to search out someone to break the curse. But when I found atitiokotemple spell he finally did it. Things started turning around almost immediately after he cast the spell and have been great from there! This was really a miracle for us, thank you atitiokotemple spell from the bottom of my heart!
Posted by. miss mercy
testimony
Thank you! My husband stopped to fill the divorice papers and things are going much better now. As you said, I think that with time everything will be as it was before he met that evil woman. It’s good she’s out of the way now. God Bless You. you can also contact him at homeofhelpingsolution@yahoo.com
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THE GREAT POWERFUL SPELL CASTER THAT
BRING BACK MY EX BOYFRIEND.
I just want to say thank you prophet ahmed for all you have done for me.
He is back now. That very powerful spell caster STOP THE DIVORCE – and get my ex boyfriend back.
My name is Joy Philip, from Canada. I never believed in love
spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went for a business summit
early this year. I meant a man who’s name is PROPHET AHMED
he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone,
lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or
luck spell .I’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to
marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down because our
relationship has been on for 3years. I really loved him, but his mother was
against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster,i
told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At
first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try.And
in 7 days when i returned to Canada, my boyfriend(now husband) called me by
himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his
mother and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I
didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my
boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now
and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and
our lives became much better.in case you are in any situation you can contact
prophet ahmed at his email solutiontemple399@gmail.com or his personal cell +2347053375151
Thank you for all your help prophet.
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Hi. I’m in a predicament and I’m trying not to get emotional about it. I met a guy that ive been talking to for a little over a month. I slept with him on the second date and felt bad about doing it and even told him so. We went about 3 weeks before doing it again, but during that time I was at his house almost all the time and he even wanted me to sleep over sometime. We recently slept together again and he was very verbal about how much he enjoyed it, but in the past few days afterward I haven’t heard much from him. This is coming from him saying good morning and goodnight nearly everyday and periodic conversions throughout the day on phone and text….I’m confused right n ow and don’t know if I’m overreacting.
Hi. I work in the Hotel industry and we are undergoing some renovations at the moment. I’ve met one of the contractors and we went out for supper a couple days ago. I see him all the time at work and then we decided to go for a ride a couple days later. We ended up having sex for the first time in his truck. After that, he wasn’t texting me as much as he was but still conversing. The next day I was hoping to get together again but after the second text he made it clear by saying ” he thinks tonight is going to be an early night” I got the hint and said. Right, Well good night. He wrote back multiple times asking what is wrong, its bugging him and to answer him with several sad face emoticons. I stayed strong and avoided returning the text. The next day I saw him at work and I caved. I sent him a text saying that I forgot my phone at my friends house. I didn’t want to make a big deal and risk loosing him all together. He surprised me in the maintenance room and kissed me and asked me if we were going to cuddle later. So, after I was done work, we had sex again. We fell asleep afterwards but the odd thing is that he never compliments me, never asks about my life story, very quiet in bed & serious. I know that this is my fault because I shouldn’t expect much from this guy seeing as they are leaving soon and I was probably just someone to fool around with along the way. I just hoped that this one time, I could get my own love story to tell. That maybe, he doesn’t show affection because he never has a girlfriend. He did mention that he would visit me because he has nothing holding him down back home. I don’t know if I believe this, but I would like to very much. Tell me how can I hook him before he leaves to make him want to come back and visit. What should I do to get this bachelor want to commit. I don’t need a proposal, I just want some help with signs so that I am not such a basket case and worrying that when he leaves, he will leave for good. PLEASE. HELP.
Oh & should I text him good night tonight or should I just wait until the next time he decides to msg me?
My name is Cynthia and my ex-boyfriend dumped me 8 months ago after I caught him of having an affair with someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don’t know what to do, so I visited the INTERNET for help and I saw a testimony on how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so I contact this spell caster and explain my problems to him….. he cast a spell for me and assure me of 3 days that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my peter came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married. Once again thank you Dr Ejemen spell caster, you are truly talented and gifted contact his email:(ejemenpelltemple@live.com}
I am Shana, wants to say a big thank you thank you thank you to Dr EJEMEN spell for everything . To everyone who doesn’t believe in spell, I was one of those ones at first. I wasn’t quite sure if I wanted to do this since I’ve tried others so-called spells casters and they did not work and was a waste of my time and money. However, when I read through the testimonies of other people at this website and after I talked to Dr EJEMEN who answered all my questions and was very nice and sincere about everything, I decided to give it a try. I figured it would be my last try to get my guy back. So my story is that I was at my office when the guy I am in love with told me that he wasn’t in love with me and never will be and that he didn’t want to speak or see me again, especially since he was talking to this other girl. When I talked to Dr EJEMEN about it, he let me know which spells would be most appropriate for me and I chose the ones that was to get him back to me and stay with me and want to marry me.As soon as he started on the spells, my guy came back into my life! It was a miracle to me and I’m so thankful for that. Things have been going well, and pretty much according to what Dr EJEMEN said would happen. He’s always there when you need him,you can contact him via email ejemenspelltemple@live.com
Very helpful. I need to pull back and wait to see what he does. Wow, that is do simple but really so powerful b
I have searched the Web for help with this and your blog seems to be the only place where real advice is to be found. A few months ago I met this guy at a store he works at and the reaction I had to him was unlike one I have ever felt with a guy. I was so attracted to him and could tell he was into me too. Every time I was in the store I found myself wanting to ask him questions and get to know him and he kept hanging around me and talking long in return. The third time I saw him it was obvious we were both into each other in a way I knew I needed to not wait again until the next time I happened to come into the store and saw him again. Later that day I went back to the store and handed him my phone number with a short note that told him to text me.
Following the famous “3 day rule”, he texted me on the third evening around 8:00. At close to 2:00 a.m. we were still texting until I fell asleep. That was on a Tuesday. Every day thereafter we texted for the next few days about casual stuff, getting to know each other. On Friday we really started flirting. Later that night he asked what I was doing and wanted to know if I wanted to watch a movie.
So naturally I was freaking out and had hardly any time to get ready. Well we were having a great time and were soooo attracted to each other that it was just a natural thing that we had sex. I was careful to not say I hoped he’d call after but did let him know how much I like him and realize I acted too eager about him being in my life and continuing to see him. Anyway , things left on a good note, he stayed with me awhile and we held each other, he kissed me goodbye a lot and told me he would text me later.
He texted me right when he got home and then continued texting me throughout the day. I asked him the following night if he wanted to come over but I could tell he wasn’t wanting to again so soon so I dropped that.
Anyway, he continued texting me the whole next week every day and throughout the day. It’s been a whole week of this and I was feeling impatient as to why he hadn’t asked to see me again yet. On one end I knew that my precious eagerness was too hasty since we hadn’t known each other that long or well.
This article helped me understand that he is probably trying to slow things down and get to know me more. I sensed that before but didn’t have full peace with it until I read this. His desire.to initiate contact with me hasn’t lessened after us having sex and, in the week we’ve been texting everyday it is starting to feel more comfortable and less awkward with how little we’ve known each other. I’m going to make sure to not wait for him by trying to squeeze him in my schedule if I already have plans and show him that I have a life. I hope he doesn’t wait too long to want to see me again but at least now I know if a couple more weeks go by with electronic letters (we both hate the phone) it’s still a good sign that he’s interested and to give him some time and space. Thanks!
THE GREAT POWERFUL SPELL CASTER THAT
BRING BACK MY EX BOYFRIEND.
I just want to say thank you prophet ahmed for all you have done for me.
He is back now. That very powerful spell caster STOP THE DIVORCE – and get my ex boyfriend back.
My name is Joy Philip, from Canada. I never believed in love
spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went for a business summit
early this year. I meant a man who’s name is PROPHET AHMED
he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone,
lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or
luck spell .I’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to
marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down because our
relationship has been on for 3years. I really loved him, but his mother was
against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster,i
told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At
first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try.And
in 7 days when i returned to Canada, my boyfriend(now husband) called me by
himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his
mother and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I
didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my
boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now
and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and
our lives became much better.in case you are in any situation you can contact
prophet ahmed at his email solutiontemple399@gmail.com or his personal cell +2347053375151
Thank you for all your help prophet i promise to share this Testimony to every body in the world wide.
Dear Bachelor
This is a great thread with great advice. I really hope you answer my comment.
I have been driving myself crazy this week. 5 days ago I nearly slept with my ex boyfriends best friend. Im still kind of friends with my ex (broke up 2 months ago) but he’s away. I know I am still healing from the breakup. I have been attracted to this guy for a while. I wont cheat on people though… So me and this guy got drunk and our attraction came onto the open. Girls hit on this guy ALL the time and he does nothing about it. he has been getting over his ex for 2 years and hasn’t slept with anyone else and is “looking for love”. I don’t think he is looking for that with me but I am an extraordinarily attractive woman. So I don’t sleep around but I hate being celibate for long periods. I have a raging sex drive and try to have a good fuck buddy when I am single. I think I can have sex and a connection with someone and not get emotionally attached….I think I have in the past successfully. So I went further with this guy than i planned…. We had crazy chemistry and ended up raging horny but had no condoms. So, in the am he goes out buys condoms and comes back. We try and have sex but it was a fail as the condoms fucked it up being to small for him. fail….So we say we will do it again one day as we don’t do one night stands…I know I said some naughty cheeky stuff like “Im using him to get over my ex” and shit like that. like its just sex and told him I like to have a fuck buddy. So he texted me a couple times saying how nice it was cuddling and doing stuff. I texted him told him I was embarrassed as I was drunk :(. So nothing all week. So I text him say I had a nice time and want to see him again. he say’s awww. then I say teasing “so, what you gonna do about it?” and then nothing…. I know I should be getting this out my head and getting over my ex and moving on with my life that had had allot of other stress and changes. I don’t even want a relationship with him I just want sex. Im also concerned that we would fall for each other… Help me snap out of it please! I still want him to ask me out again! 😦
My ex-boyfriend dumped me 8 months ago after I caught him of having an affair with someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don’t know what to do, so I visited the INTERNET for help and I saw a testimony on how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problems to her….. she help me cast a love and return spell and assure me of 3 days that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my Roland came back knocking on my door and begging for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married. Once again thank you Dr.Kate spell caster, you are truly talented and gifted contact her email: (katelovespell@hotmail.com)
Heya just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the images aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different web browsers and both show the same results.
I slept with an awesome 21 year old(and I’m 41),…didn’t really care he did nt call back:)
Hi everyone. ..well I met this guy via online dating and always choose not to let myself get carried away or take everything guys tell me seriously until actions match the words…so this guy he realllly seemed go like me he wrote me poems and we’d discussed sex and not jumping into anything….he said one day before we had met that he would make me his gf soon…I said slow please! friends first then we’ll see….he knows I’ve been hurt badly in the past so I am cautious…so every day he continued to get to know me was attentive and without fail I got a good morning message and it was always him leading the contact…
So we had our first date and hit it off…he was a bit too intense though…it was like he was deeply in love with me…he looked longingly into my eyes..held my hand and kissed me….we didn’t have sex..
He contacted me after said I was beautiful and that we really connected I said I thought we did too but I had to be honest and found his intensity quite scary but I’d like to meet him again but without pressure he agreed…so he said he will prove to ke hes a good guy and to get to know each other and prove hes genuine he invited me to his town we went out to a local bar and met his friends along with their wives and gfs….all seemed great..to see him in his own environment to get the bigger picture of him and his life made me feel secure and made him more attractive to me.
That night we kissed and petted. …he asked me what I wanted ultimately and did I want a boyfriend. ..I said yes…he said he wanted girlfriend…not long after we ended up having sex which we both thought was great….after he continued being attentive as usual but then gradually he pulled away..I just felt it…instead of good morning beautiful it was just a simple good morning. …I suddenly had turned into a friend. …he continued to make sexual innuendo though…so at some point I said I didn’t want it to only be about the sex..he said not to be silly. …anyway…he continued to pull away slowly. …but still asked me on another date….which went great…we saw his friends too and after I stayed at his he was sooo affectionate and loving and we of course ended up having sex again. …everything seemed fine….I went home. ……….nothing. …hes totally withdrawn. ..one message not really saying much….today I waited for him to contact me..no good morning nothing. …..so I decided to say hi to him. ..had a very guarded convo which he ended and I mentioned I’d finally got round to watching a video he sent me… a song called the start of something good..which he said was relevant to us….I said it was a nice song but not sure if that relevance still stands now….he said to stop being silly..and called me a div with a smiley cheeky face and an lol….
Whats happening here? Is he just processing stuff…or just pretendinghes not like all the other guys who go cold? Hes a councillor and we touched on the subject of my experiences and he said he wouldn’t do any of that and that he’d be open and up front….
Any advice? Thanks x
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hi Ive slept with a guy that I really shouldn’t have due to awkward circumstances. Im not single and nor Is he. I mad a comment about being single if I had to be and then a week or so later he texted me with general chit chat and then it got flirty. He asked for a picture but I declined as I thought it wasn’t right as I didn’t know he that well. After several texts back and forth we then arranged to meet up that night. I mean don’t get me wrong ive fancied him for ages so it wasn’t a hit and miss kinda thing. Anyways after having sex he then explained that im young and should be enjoyin myelf and that it was just fun.
Havent thought about it I just texted after saying shame it had to written off like that would have been fun to have thought it could have gone further and he said well I don’t wanna lead u on. I then thought true and lets see how it goes.
Seeing him everyday I get the daily message of how r u? good weekend? and it carries on and after several occasions of me saying you coming over hes already had something planned.
I mean what do I do ??
I understand its nothing serious but why has he not come back again??
Is it me or is it the fact hes not interested and shall I just leave it?
I was thinking just forget about it if he texts don’t mention anything about meeting but neither has he?? whats the point in this??
if hes not interested why doesn’t he say?
help me :)))
This is true bc my friend was friends with benefits with her man before they became serious she never really freaked out so he saw she was cool. Wifed her.
Thanks for the honesty♡
Ok what about this guy that I was seeing and he had a family emergency and left for a few weeks. So the night that I had spent with him after much time on the phone he asked me would I be okay at work that same day I left him. He told me countless amounts of times he wants to settle down and have kids. He asked me would I co,me back over that weekend, although he left to attend to his family emergency. He even said he needed to make a copy of his keys for me (that I never asked him for). He was so warm and sweet and then it seems like during his time up north he spoke to me when I was having some issues with a roommate. When his phone was roaming do to him not being in the area he emailed me back asking me was I ok and asked me for a picture. He came back three weeks later and I had spoken with him and he continues to call me “babe” – he has told me “I’m always welcome at his home”. He doesnt seem to be dodging me knowingly but continues to tell me something is wrong with his phone. How could someone say all those things to you that you did not ask them to say to you bc you didn’t assume anything would come from your knowing them and them seem to make it their business to say all these things you never asked them for and when you call them they say “oh text me later” “call me later” and never pick up. I don’t want to just drop in on him but there is so much I’d like to get off my chest to him I already feel stupid for continuously calling and never getting a text or a call back. How can someone not receive your texts, calls and emails all of a sudden which honestly haven;t been too many. I feel like a complete asshole thinking that maybe he’s busy or he’s sleeping or something really is just wrong with his phone but I don’t want to look like a creep just stopping by his house but I feel like he’s leading me on also intentionally trying to make me look crazy bc I actually want to talk to him. I’m seeing other ppl and doing my thang I just don’t wanna feel like maybe im messing it up for myself or starting stuff elsewhere when I may hurt his feelings if everything I been doing is out of pure nonsense bc he really isnt dodging me at all
he has someone else…. move on. sorry
PLSS I NEED SOME ADVICE!!
I am 21 from the Caribbean N IM confused ( He is 21 and Dutch). I recently moved to Holland to further my studies and one night sitting in a restaurant 2 guys came in and one of them sat right next to me… as he sat down he kept staring at me in my eyes and smiled at me… at first I thought he was weird but then he started talking to me and asking me where I’m from, my age and name etc… he then preceded to ask me for my number and my Facebook, we sat there for like an hour just talking and laughing then he left, he gave me a kiss on the cheek and left. as soon as he left he texted me… “HI Its Simon Kiss” the next day he added me on Facebook. we started talking 24/7 for weeks exchanging pictures, he said he wanted to date me and that he has a car and he would like to pick me up and bring me to his house with his parents for BBQ etc. we became very close. he always told me how beautiful and sweet I was, he would be the first to text me everyday. he even told me he would like to go back to my home country with me for a vacation, he called me babe, sweetie, beautiful queen and all that good stuff. when he was at work bored he would ask me to come over but I would say I couldn’t, cause I really couldn’t
I remember he had mention that he had just gotten out of a relationship of two years, and that he was enjoying his single life, he also pointed out that he think we should just see what happens between us. I had just gotten out of a relationship of 4 years so I wasn’t rushing into anything either I was just going with His Flow, but the way he spoke to me showed me differently, Now remember we had only seen each other once in person.
a month ago things took a turn… he used to txt me every morning,,, then on one morning I saw he was online but I received no text from him… I thought he might be busy… well the day ended and no texts from him… the following day would be the same no text… so I would just say hi, and wish him a good day he would just say thank you same to u and that was it…. it got so bad that after a week i asked him what’s wrong and if I did or say something he did not like… his response was that he felt that I wanted to be in a serious relationship and he is not ready for it!!! he also said we are texting each other too much and that he will text me when he wants to.. I was shocked!! because he was the one that started everything, he led me on, he invited me to his parents house, he was the one that seemed like he wanted to be with me.
A month later after we completely stopped talking to each other… after I forgot about him and deleted his photos and everything… I was vacationing in Czech republic and after a month of not hearing from this dude,, I received a text from him saying… Hii Fenella , I was in your city last night… I missed you!! I cant sleep!! I think I wanna meet you again!! 4 am in the morning!! I was like WTFis wrong with this dude!!! after that he has been talking to me again sending photos again… he also said he wants to make a date to see me as soon as possible this weekend on Friday… he also added that he is interested in me as a person,, and yeah the Old Simon is back again… I am still confused as to what is happening here…. I am crazy about him, but I don’t show it.
any advice on what might have happened here, and what should I do…. because honestly there are more men interested in me and are ready to start dating me but here I am waiting on this dude like a fool…. should I wait or should I just date others?
date others, but keep seeing this dude as a friend… Guys feel crowded when there’s certain expectation, it’s hard to explain… they like to feel they can come and go, if they feel you like them more than they like you, they will disappear until they start missing you… and when that happens, they come back. if you get mad at them and make them feel guilty, that’s the end pretty much. but, if you treat him like a friend, “hi, nice hearing from you. I hope all is well. we would have to get together one of these days 🙂 talk to you soon”, then you will have more chances of eventually developing something more serious… it takes time, you shouldn’t hurry love. good luck!
I realize you like this guy a lot but texting/talking to each is a lot to me(I’m a woman btw). I remember being younger (18-22) and doing this constant communication (calls, texting, etc.) and then hanging out with the guy often. We seem to think that when we like someone (lust, sexual attraction, physical attraction, instant attraction) we’re suppose to talk/hang out with him every day…”be inseparable” but that’s not true. It certainly doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you.
I think it’s fine if you go a whole week or even more without talking to each other or maybe a text to check in here or there. I mean you said it yourself, you just met him. Obviously, if you were in a serious relationship, it would unacceptable but even then going 2-3 days without communication is fine. What matters is when you do get together, how does he treat you? How do you guys interact? Remove physical and sexual attraction, do you have anything else?
Honestly, I think you should back off and slow down. With any man, you should take things slow. Lust happens immediately. Love takes time…a long time to develop. Plus, I’m sure you had a life before he came a long, I’m certain you still have one now.
As for me, if I just met a man (no previous friendship), I will usual communicate with him 1-2 times per week via text then see him for a date. After the date, sometimes 2-3 weeks will go by before the next one. But, this is my space, the way I operate because I like to take things slow.
In my experience, men who call/text every day and want to hang out all the time are usually needy, co-dependent, and insecure. Just some thoughts.
I promise to share this testimony all over the world once my boyfriend return back to me, and today with all due respect i want to thank Dr idielu for bringing joy and happiness to my relationship and my family. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things until i loosed my boyfriend, I required help until i found Dr idielu a male spell caster, And he cast a love spell for me, and she assured me that I will get my boyfriend back in two days after the spell has been cast. two days later, my phone rang, and so shockingly, it was my boyfriend who has not called me for long, and made an apology for the heart break, and told me that he is ready to devote the rest of his life with me. Priestessyewa released him up to know how much i loved and wanted him. And opened his eyes to picture how much we have to share together. As I’m writing this testament right now I’m the cheeriest girl on earth and me and my fiancé is living a happy life and our love is now stronger than how it were even before our break up. So that’s why I promised to share my testimony all over the universe.
All thanks goes to priestessyewa for the excessive work that she has done for me. Below is his email address in situation you are undergoing a heart break, and I assure you that as he has done mine for me, he will definitely help you too. idieluspiritualtemple@live.com
what a wonderful world we are living, i still doubt this spell caster how he did it!!!
My mouth is full of testimony, Am blessing my husband left the home for two years to south Africa for a tourist,he meant a prostitute and he was bewitch by the girl my husband refuse to come back home again, i cry day and night looking for who to help me, i read a news paper about a powerful spell caster called Dr LUKE MAN and i contacted the spell caster to help me get my lover back to me and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods we fight for me.. he told me by mid-night when all the spirit is at rest he will cast a spell to reunite my lover back to me. and he did in less than 3 days my husband came back to me and started crying that i should for forgive him, i,m so happy for what this spell caster did for
me and my husband..contact on his email SUCCESSSPELLCAST@GMAIL.COM is the best spell caster in the whole wild world.
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Me and my boyfriend were seriously in love for 3 years and we were planning to get married but one day he came to my house and told me he was no longer interested in our relationship simply because he was dating another lady who promise to buy him a car and to sponsor their wedding. And i suffered a heartbreak for five months and i was not tired of loving him. One faithful day as i was browsing through the internet, i saw a testimony on how a spell caster helped a man to get back his wife after two years of losing his wife because he was no longer having a job. through this Email dr.marnish@ yahoo. com, i sent an email to dr.marnish contact him for help and surprisingly my boy friend came back 3 days after the help of the spell caster. and now we are happily back together. He is the most trusted, genuine and real love spell caster
wendy Buckler
This article is right in one respect, that men see sex as an end in itself far more than women do. But it’s completely wrong about withholding sex. I’ve had a few experiences where I wasn’t sure about a guy and told him I’d prefer not to get intimate unless there’s a relationship, then they maybe cool off for a while to think about it, a few months down the line they say they’re looking for a relationship, have sex then dump you.
It’s essentially an act of mini rape – it says ‘don’t think you can control me by withholding sex’. It’s kind of an act of revenge because this type of loser feels deep resentment that his sexual feelings are so strong, and he blames the woman – using her makes him feel better.
Then there’s the other scenario, the man who’s been sweet to you for maybe a year or more, you’re ‘friends’, sort of, you quite fancy him but you’re not sure, he makes strong moves one night, you have sex then it’s bye bye. He doesn’t text and is happy to sacrifice the ‘friendship’ you thought was genuine because he got what he wanted.
Men in their 30s are often the worst for this, they’re just starting to get better at pulling women, and there’s a kind of anger at all the times they’ve been rejected, so with each casual shag that they follow by ignoring the woman (who then texts and gets worried, feels used etc) his power increases. It makes him feel in control of his ‘game’. Or rather, less at the mercy of his sexual feelings. It’s quite militaristic really and it has nothing to do with looking for love, it’s more to do with getting better at seducing the woman they’ll ultimately want ‘the one’ etc. In the meantime women’s bodies may as well be rubber dolls
It’s not just about avoiding a relationship because they just wanted sex. It’s an act of anger and control, and women should know that this anger exists, men learn to cover it by using a gentle voice and gentlemanly manners, till sex has happened then it’s shitty behaviour all the way
Now, in contrast I met a man a while back, had sex with him the second time we met, and we then had an 8 year relationship, 5 years living in. Forget about ‘withholding sex’, no – rather, look for reliable behaviour, someone who makes you feel secure, you know EXACTLY where you are with them, no games, a good feeling in your heart, relaxed. That’s your cue to get intimate and it happens very very rarely. So women, know that iron control of sexual feelings is vital to your happiness!
Don’t agree with u saying don’t tell him how u feel. U can in a mature way. Telling a woman not to is also gagging her and telling to take it laying down, especially that was lied to by the guy and didn’t assume he was Ito her like what happened to me. I trusted a guy who told lies to my face, cancelled dates right after having great sex, sent on casual text and even was to ignorant to give me my jewlery but left it on his porch. He even said to me before sex ur six a good woman u make it hard for a man to use for sex and then assured me it as not his intentions, that should of been a red flag. Well finally after a few days I told him to given bracelet and I felt he took me for granted and I was done, moving on. Which meant he is not alot to send me casual text, no contact after giving met bracelet. Even after he lied to my face and used me for sex, after meeting him on a dating site and his profile was lie. I was very mature when texted I was moving on. He proceed to accuse me of asking for to much time, though I never called him or asked for his time, againorw lies like abuser do, he proceeded to act arrogant and even said “no man could give me the time I need” again, I me never stocked his phone. His behavior was a result of me refusing to send nude pics and let him string me along, and not stocking his phone in which he was use to. U see it doesn’t matter if a woman breaks it off with the guy maturely, or do or don’t say anything to him about not calling, his lies will be to any new woman or any respectful perso that knows him is that u was clingy when u wasn’t. That would be his defense even if like me u never called his one one time after sex like he didn’t call u, but texted for nude pics, which u didn’t send. The point is once u have sex with a man, he will use any lies or frames on u at anytime to look like he is getting out clean and u was the problem, when actually he didn’t call cause he used u to dump his sperm and move on. The best u can do is block his number and if He had ur stuff handle it by email so it is definitely on record if he continues to be ignorant because u called him out. Here is how I handle it always. I tell the guy I don’t feel he appreciated me and I’m moving on and don’t want further contact, of course he get arrogant and tries to say ur clingy cause he is mad cause u just stopped him from having sex wit u again or stringing u along and that was his intentions, u messed up his game to soon or shall I say caught on to soon. The trick is to catc their game before he gets seconds and third rounds of sex out of u, especially if u are great lover and he tells u during it like guys tell me. Then if he response trying to accuse me of being clingy, I block his number. Would a clingy girl block their number, no. So right there u pushed his lie right in his face. One guy got so mad cause I wouldn’t have sex with hi on first night, he proceeded to tell people he knew at my job that I was blowing up his cell, again I never called his cell. I knew he was just trying to use me for sex, so in text reply I told him I was not interested. Guys retiliate why claiming ur clingy even if u never was clingy.
Thanks thereasonablebachelor for enlightening me on some part of my confusion. Other part of this context is what I have experienced and the other taught me on how to understand and manage the situation better. “Don’t make him feel secure about how much you are into him if he is not making you feel secure about how much he is into you.” These lines just struck me so much. He’s less sweet now than the last days and its 36 hrs since our last encounter. And I understand it better now why he behave that way. Thanks a lot. 🙂
First off for anyone who say they never thought sex was a precursor to a relationship like someone on here, I have only heard emotionally detached people say that and those people have had way to many sex partners and is the reason why stds are spreading so much. If sex is just flesh coming together then that shows how much also value ur body. So people who treat others like their just a bootie call without giving them notice upfront that is what u attend to be, u don’t care about ur body. These type of women and men will be rushing out by the age forty trying to find a wife after sleeping with 100 people and then lie to their partner or wife to be. So I believe anyone who sleeps with a man no matter how soon, and ends up being ignored afterwards or used for sex, should rush out get tested and immediately block the person number and never answer their calls again. People like that is a health risk. I know someone with HIV cause their girl shows to have multiple partners without being upfront. She knew he had it when she began dating him but didnt care. People who want bootie calls don’t care about the risk. If a guy doesn’t keep in touch within a few days or just drops a lame text, cut him off immediately. U will know he had intentions on using u for sex if he reacts upset or tries to make it like ur clingy. No one is clingy who expect some kind of real communication days after sex. They are just mad cause u didnt give them a chance to do it to u again. I flat out told a guy I don’t appreciate him trying to use me and I was done and wish no further communication after he gives me my necklaces by dropping it off at a library. I was avoiding seeing him. He had promised to return my knecklace I left. He got real mean and Nasty and of course tried to accuse me of being clingy, and he tried to get my home address. When u stop the booty calling before it begin don’t agree to see him even to swap belongings. He will use that time to justify howis treating u and to snub u and feel u out. Tell him u do not wish to see him ever again and arrange to have a friend pick up ur things. If he doesn’t have ur address don’t give it to him. Guys don’t like it hen u catch them at their game before they get really started and then will menipulate u and retiliate. Sometime by lying to people and saying u were obsessed. So avoid all communication once u tell him he is cut. Block his number within a few seconds after. He used u for a quicki, so cut him off on ur terms. The bottom line, the very moment u even begin to suspect ur being used for sex, u probably are. A woman’s instincts are strong. From my last experience I have learned to never ever take anything anyone say so early on, at face value. Some men will say anything to get what they want and some women will do anything to get what they want. Dates are supposed end with him walking u to ur door and a kiss goodnight or u walking him to his door and kissing him good nite and getting in ur car and u going home alone. No matter what u dont stray from this rule to go separate ways after. You stick with it for some weeks. This is so u dont feel cheap or foolish. U also don’t have all kinds of sex to start when u do. Meaning not in all kinds of ways, don’t perform like a professional prostitute. Tease and get him thinking. If a man is for real he will take weeks to get to know u, but also if he cuts u off after investing weeks, at least u have the right to come right out and call him a jerk and a hole before cutting him off. But I have taken the other road, no sexy unless we are exclusive and all the cards are on the table. Meaning nothing to be assume or to decode.
I’d like to know how to ask him to wait for having sex until i feel comfortable. Because it happened to me like 2 months ago. I met him on my friend’s bday party. We made out that day and he asked me to come to his place but instead i asked him to meet tmr. So we had a first day next day. Having brunch and dessert, and then he askes to go to his place for a movie and dinner. We went and as he said we watched a movie and he cooked for me. He tried to have sex but i made an excuse that i had a period. So we just made out.
2days later we had a date again. We had a dinner and then he asked me to go to his place again. So i told him i dont want to go because i am not sure if you like me or sex. He said he liked both. He likes me thats why he wants to have sex. But i wasnt ready to have sex yet so he said he wont touch me at all.. And then we went to his place. But yea he tried tp have sex, but we didnt. I refused.
3days later we argued a lil bit.. Like i think you want just sex. And he said “so did we have sex? No! You alwayd do whatever you want! I felt terrible when you refuse having sex with me. I wanted to have sex cuz we can be a little more closer” ..
After the argument i felt my mind is little opened. So yea we made up and had sex.. But then after sex he never hugged me or kissed me.. Then the next day no calls. I texted him then he texted me back we should stay as friends.
It is my first experience no calls after sex!!!!! 😦 feeling aweful!
Please let me know hos to refuse having sex until im ready. Cuz i think the way i refused having sex was wrong.
Possibly the most rational and sensible article I have read explaining men’s behavior.
Awesome comment! Thanks. glad you enjoyed!
i have this guy we jst met a few weeks ago. we have been very close, phonecalls and chatting all together. until we met last weekend whereby we already had sex and now he is slowly withdrawn, no more phonecalls a few texts that he might reply after two hours. been tryin to act all cool, but def dying on the inside. i like him sooo much thou but it seems im loosing him faster than i knew,please help
Sorry but your article clearly says guys are game players. Pulling back to see your reaction……etc, that is jet I mind tricks and games and is emotionally abusive. The question is not why she is getting ‘attached’ why doesnt he see it as sex being something special and not just a climax and do not say it is cause he is a guy. Then are people who live as guys and girls. Gender has nothing to do with it, the person do. I know a few guys who never behavior that way with women and are upfront always. They get offended when those type of guys are considered me. Those are animals, not humans. To be detached from sex emotionally to the point that you play with the girls emotions, you pull away immediately, is a not a person with a spirit that lives in the light. Also saying she come with holy this and that is not true. Many of us do not come preaching after sex. What gets me, is soon as I cut the guy off after I see he plays these games after the first of sex, then he accuses me of being cold. “Blame shifts” I refuse to be struntil along til he wants to have sex with me again many times, before he can make up his mind as to if he wants to keep his word, that he ain’t looking for a bootie call. I feel like this, since you say this is how men are, then don’t knock women when they won’t have sex unless married before God to someone who practice what God says on how to treat a woman.
That is her gaining control over how her emotions and spirit is treated, as well as assuring that her body is given to someone who will value it. And please don’t say then she is treated her body like a prize because when a man pulls back after sex, testing her…etc he is treating his emotions and heart like a prize.
Hi all,
I just want you to know that you’re not alone! You never are! I am going through this as we speak, with the “hook up” happening Friday night. He is a “client” of mine at work so that doesn’t help make me feel any better.. That I can just move away or drop him! I’m not new to this but I really like this guy.. We had such a connection over the phone, had exchanged texts at times (me more than him I’m not ashamed to admit) but I liked him as a person! I enjoyed him.
Well I really was a little emotional and lonely on Friday and was sick of all the back and forth, so I straight up texted him “I wanna see u” and he responded “are you nearby” and I said yes I am coming to the area. (We live around an hour) now maybe I did go there for him but I wasn’t looking for a sexual encounter lol..
I suggested we see a movie or just hang out. He kept asking me where I was staying.. I thought he was just concerned for me but really he was asking so we could go there and hook up!
Now that I think back on it, the texts and things he was telling me in the weeks prior such as “If you were local I would come and see you tonight” and things of that nature were all probably meaning for sex! I totally didn’t see it like that. I actually thought he wanted to “see me” and spend with me!
I feel really dumb and naive right now and I feel used. Of course he didn’t stay after the sex and he pulled the “what time is it, oh I have to go” thing which is the WORST
Why did I even let him come to where I was staying! Like come inside.. And I should have just left as my brother says.. I do feel ashamed but the only thing that is getting me through this right now is me knowing that I will not TEXT him again.. And I can only hope he is expecting I will since he thinks I like him so much.. Which yes I really did.. That’s the only thing I can keep is my dignity after the fact.. So terrible
What a load of shit
Most inane article I’ve ever read. The fact that you ASSUME that a woman who has sex with a man automatically wants a relationship is inaccurate and sexist.
Opinions vary. But thanks for the comment !
I’ve made this mistake 3 times with the same man. Each time I thought there would’ve been a different outcome. After the second time I expressed how hurt I was. We didn’t see each other for about 6 months until last night. We had a great date and then came back to my house. He stayed over and I haven’t heard from him since this morning. We left off with him saying he will call me later.
I set myself up for this disappointment and it is what it is. I’m not surprised, just hoped this time would be different.
I am dealing with it now. A guy I was friends with for about 5 months and then began dating a month ago. I couldn’t wait to have sex with him and finally did. Now, he pulled back. The thing is for me, it’s going to turn me all the way off to him.
Agreed. You go girl. Good for asserting you.
so i met this guy while coming from work ( he is late 30s and am in mid 30s ) ,we just talked and exchanged numbers . We dated for a while like 3 months or less and i just felt him withdrawing back / ghosting and i never heard from him again ,3 months later he contacts me and said he wanted to see me . I told him I was busy and we should meet later . He kept saying messages like “hello” i would respond then we would chat. one sat afternoon i was bored at home , he called me up and said he wants me to come over , i told him if he wants to see me he has to make the effort . so he came , we chilled and now its almost bed time and this guy says ” lets go sleep ” . i was like but you did not communicate anyways next time … he got shocked( facial expression ) and he said ” next time ?” . I explained you know what I am tired forget about it and we slept . There was a heavy make out session and I refused the sex part with him, he went like , ” you always do this etc …” .
Here is my thing , he s not my boyfriend, I just felt no need to give in to his emotions and mine ,I got carried away and i just said . “i was not ready then still not ready now “. He got really mad and turned away to sleep. next day he just woke up , sat on the bed for 2 hours and did not say a word while on his phone , i continued to sleep when i woke up “spoof ” he was gone , no goodbye nothing .I sort of thought at least it was polite enough for him to say so considering he overstayed his welcome , i cooked for him and this guy i just welcome him into my home with all manners then he just treated me like that ..
So I woke up so angry and i texted him ” i really hate your moody persona and you dont know how to communicate , lose my number and dont contact me again ”
There was no reply 2 hours later i texted ” i hope you saw my message , please dont ever contact me again ” . Its been 14 days he has not said a word , nothing and i am getting worked up here is why ?
1. why cant he text back to say sorry
2. did i over react / did i expect too much
3. was this guy up to no good after all ….
I want to shoot another text something like ” this is why i never slept with you and never will and am so glad i did not,there is no reason for you to get angry over lack of sex after all i am not your call girl / girlfriend thanks for showing me your true colors ” . With this xcter you will never win with the women of this world “.
Please help should i contact him again or just let go but the thing is i feel used somehow
Hi girl!!! Totally write a note to yourself or an email to yourself, you don’t even have to hit send but it’s ok if you do.. But let this assclown go.. Because that’s all he is
He never intended to be committed to you and he certainly isn’t trying now. I’ve seen this so many times in my life so please don’t feel you’re alone. I feel people show you who they are very early on and it’s up to us to accept it or not.. And I think you’re doing yourself a major stress relief by letting this one go! It’s not you baby doll.. So don’t stress. He won’t ever change and you were smart to figure out that he’s a jerk. Trying to make you feel bad and leaving without a moments notice and then not contacting you, flush! Next! He’s a jerk.
Hugs!!!
thank you so much for this , i just wonder why i had to put up with this crap. i will ot waste my time feeling this way coz clearly he doe not care… the temptation to text / call has been so much but so far i think i am better off without giving any reaction …
thank you again
You’re welcome, don’t mention it. Never make him feel secure about how much you’re into him if he doesn’t make you feel secure about how much he’s into you. I’m learning to live by that statement.. and take some time for me (and YOU) I’m really sorry that he left you after those months.. and ghosted. That to me, is like the biggest red flag. and it hurts because you want an explanation as to “why” he did that, but does it really matter? I’m learning that unfortunately people can just about say anything these days. I love you gets tossed around, as does I’m sorry, along with a butt load of other excuses! So I’m trying to remember actions over words, actions over words. And any guy that’s just going to dissapear, I don’t care what his “explanation” is, who does that? Especially without any regard to your feelings. Honestly it would seem to me like that was a blessing in disguise.. because I wouldn’t want you to spend more than 3 months with him, for him to do the same thing… OR for this to become a repeat cycle.. so great job for realizing something wasn’t right.. It doesn’t really make sense. But sometimes I think, in a way, they knew what they were doing. They got what they wanted or maybe didn’t get what they wanted.. which is no reason to leave you hanging. Good luck to his future partners, because I doubt he will have any, like you said. I know you want to say that to him.. but honestly.. you knowing that is enough. Those people very honestly don’t change. =)
Lots of love,
Kelly
This is so awesome that you all have chimed in like this to support her. Thanks Kelly
You are very welcome, any time!
you are always the most important person on your priority list until you find yourself in a committed situation where you are looking out for each other.
The Best I’ve ever read in this! Honestly! This is enlightenment!
Thank u!
Thanks so much for saying that. I am glad that you liked it.
wat if never calls again after the first date which is at night and you end up having sex buh intially told you he wants a relationship
This is one of the best articles I’ve ever read in this topic ! Thank u from the bottom of my heart
Sincerely Jasmine
I’m what you call a total gf package. Let me explain. This guy & I hooked up & had amazing sex, even cooked breakfast & did a few house chores for him. Left him my phone number didn’t receive a call. I wanted this amazing sex some more. How do I get what I want? Messaged him on FB, he replied. We had a nice chat. At times he didn’t respond. I was persistent until he told me I could come over. Our sex was even better, I had a lingerie outfit & gave him a blow job he would never forget. Told him I only wanted an open relationship (which is the truth). Baked rolls for him & showed him another use for icing. In the morning I cook him breakfast in bed, did light house chores for him. When I left we are on really good terms. However I want him to call me not FB message me! Since I don’t like FB anyway I deactivated my account. He can either call me or not. Personally I don’t care. You know why ladies? Bc I know my self worth, plus I see it as practice. I can’t do relationships, personal reasons. Ladies you need to give the man such an amazing unforgettable time that the power will be yours. But you see I can numb my emotions where I can’t feel, only with my brain. You need to set aside your emotions first, get a feel for the guy than decide where you’re going from their. Don’t ever be mean, always be kind. The only time I’m mean is when I’m two steps ahead of a player & call him out on his game.