It’s really interesting to me to see the difference in what I have valued about a woman’s appearance in the past as to the way I view things now. I can remember the first party that I ever went to when I was in college. Or even the very first time I went out to a real club when I was around 18-19. The women were so dressed up! The tightest jeans I had ever seen. The flyest shoes…. And just this overall look about them that made them look like budding movie stars. Man……….all I was used to were cute girls with back packs and trendy little bracelets and earrings. But to see young women who were in my age group, and see how much more attractive and mature this new style of budding adulthood made them look…..I was blown away. It’s sort of like the way you feel the first time you go to a real 5 star Steak House. You’ve been eating Sizzler for years but the first time you go to Charlie Palmer’s you stop and look at everyone else with this dumb expression on your face that says, “Have you guys always known about places like this? How the hell have I been living?” It is truly eye-opening. And guys love it! We sort of feel like we’re dating a class of women who belong in movies or something. But as this affection for this new dressy class of beauties grows, it gets to a point where it fades just as quickly.
So let’s fast forward a few years and see where I am after being a few years out of college. I have had my fill of experiences dating girls who are all glitzed and glammed out. Mainly because I have met them in places that most 20 something people meet! Clubs and bars…duhhh! So here comes a first interaction with a woman who I have met while out being social. I decided to ask the lady out to a movie…..Which is a terrible first date idea, but that’s another story. So I put on a pair of jeans and some sneakers with the idea of having a very casual encounter with this lady to see what she was all about. I am dressed casually but still a little trendy and neat. I get to the movie theater ahead of her and buy the tickets and wait for her to show. And SHOW is exactly what she put on. At 1:40 on a Saturday afternoon she shows up to the movie theater with her highest heels, her tightest jeans and some glasses that would have blocked out the brightest of paparazzi camera flashes. So as she approached, clearly I noticed that she looked just as stunning as she did the night that I met her. But I still couldn’t help but feel a little uneasy with how she was dressed. So I tried to look at myself to examine what the hell my problem was. Was I feeling inferior because, she was so dressed up and I was just comfortably casual? No….I feel like I look nice when I dress down a little and on top of that I like to know that my date looks nicer that I do. As a matter a fact, my goal in life is to one day marry a woman that makes people look at us and think, “Damn! How the hell did he get her?” Just kidding….. (Am I?) Was I somehow stigmatized into believing that this somehow equated to her being high maintenance? No. I don’t think so. Although I can see where guys feel that way. Imagery means a lot in peoples psyche. But the fact that she offered to pay for her ticket and that she agreed to see a movie that I suggested without hesitation, in my mind sort of crossed out the idea of her being high maintenance. Could I have been troubled by the idea that I thought she was drawing too much attention to herself? No. Maybe if she were dressed provocatively then that would have been my problem. Most guys are not too keen on being with a woman who is showing everything that he wants to be exclusively for his eyes only. But this young lady was not flashing the cracks or crevices that are usually not seen to the naked eye unless you are a NFL Cheerleader.
I just couldn’t really put my finger on it initially. So I went on with our date which wasn’t very eventful initially because we could not do a lot of talking while the movie was playing but half way through the previews I looked over at her perfectly made up face and wondered how comfortable could she really be? And that was really it for me. She just didn’t seem to be relaxed. She seemed as if she were on an interview and that anything short of all of the make-up, the designer bag and shoes, and the skin-tight jeans and she would not feel good. And for some reason that bothered me. I have this vision of glamour that I like. It is great to be out and see women really dressed up. It gives them another look that makes you appreciate them in a different way. As a society we love the glitz and glamour so much that we try to emulate it and observe it as much as we can. I know a zillion women who have been to some version of Glamour Shots photo’s to get those perfectly airbrushed pictures of themselves. And how many red carpet shows are there on TV now. We have them for the Espy’s, the Oscars, the Grammys, the MTV awards. Next thing you know we will have a red carpet pre-show for the Sunday service at the local mega church. But as much as I like to see those things on occasion I never find it to be a truly genuine representation of who a woman is. I see it as a shiny wrapping that is decoration that covers the prize inside. And when I go out on a date with a woman I just kind of want to see the prize. I want to see her at her just every day, happy, confident and comfortable self. Now maybe all of the pomp and circumstance are what make her comfortable. If so, I can understand that. But the fact that she may need that to be comfortable kind of makes me even more uncomfortable.
Men can indeed be just as complicated creatures as women on occasion. The very thing that attracted me to this woman was the same thing that put me off when we finally got together. And as a result, I have sort of evolved a bit when it comes to how I choose a woman to approach or be interested in when I’m out. I now tend to look right past those women who I drooled over in my 20’s and look more towards a woman who is a little bit less flamboyant and more understated in her presentation. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that I seek out homely Harriet, but there just seems to be something that makes me comfortable about being with a woman who seems comfortable no matter what she has on.