Let me be clear…..I don’t mean “sisters” in the black women sense.  I mean “sisters” in the literal sense.  Like, same mother same father type of thing.  Can I date sisters?  And even further, can I date cousins, best-friends or co-workers.  At what point does the closeness of an existing relationship supercede an opportunity at love?  I for one have never really struggled with such a dilemma because I have always tried to value my existing relationships.  But as people get older they somehow start to place more of an emphasis on things that they have yet to attain over the things that they may have had all their lives. 

I cannot imagine a circumstance that would make me ever date the ex-girlfriend of my brother, cousin, close friend or any other such relationship that I would think would be obvious to most other people.  I say most obvious to other people because I think this is sort of common sense.  Unfortunately I have known other people to cross these lines in pursuit of their own personal happiness or even seedy urges that may or may not come.  Because when you start to date your boy’s ex-girlfriend, you really don’t know how it’s going to turn out.  You can just follow what you hope to see happen.  Even though you already have an established friendship with your current friend, some people are willing to totally throw that to the wind in the hopes of something with someone else.  And I say throw that to the wind because it is not too often that people are totally ok with a close friend dating their ex.  I for one have no pride issues in saying to a friend that I don’t feel comfortable with you dating my ex-girlfriends.  Some guys like to  reflect and aura that displays total control over their emotions.   And when another guy approaches them about dating their ex they give these nonchalant, “I’m to cool to care”, sort of responses.  Not Me!  I will look at you like you are some kind of damn fool and tell you NO without hesitation.  But not everyone does that.  As a matter of fact, a lot of people don’t do that.  Granted we’ve all seen a few too many episodes of Maury Povich and Jerry Springer where some loser comes out to confess that he has been carrying on some clandestine relationship with his girlfriend’s sister, aunt, cousin, BFF, mother, Mail carrier, church usher, son’s school teacher…etc.  All that.  But I am talking about real life, sane people are doing this!  People who I, for the most part, have a measure of respect for.  People who I have applauded for being fairly righteous people.  So maybe it’s just me……is it? 

I tried to give it a lot of thought.  What was really so wrong with this?  I mean seriously?  If we are all meant to find happiness in this world, should I allow my selfishness to keep my ex-girlfriend from being happy in this world?  Even if it is with my very closest childhood friend?……………..YOU DAMN RIGHT I AM!  What the hell was I thinking?  Under no circumstances do I ever want to catch my ex-girlfriend in some sort of romantic circumstance with my closest friend.  Not because I’m hatin’!  Not because I am selfish or bitter!  But because it’s not right.  It’s not necessary.  Because there are 330 million other people in this country alone.  You mean to tell me that you really couldn’t find someone else?  But mainly because we shared something.   A bond that is uniquely our own.  And that bond is like a ribbon.  A ribbon that flies alone in the sky as a representation of our love! (did I just jack Stevie Wonder?)  And for each relationship I have with anyone who I am close to, I carry a ribbon.  And under no circumstance do I want my ribbon to inter-twine with anyone elses ribbon damn it!  I want my relationships to be sacredly separate.  I have told by best friends things that are unique to our relationship.  The same thing goes for the women that I have dated.  Closeness is not just closeness across the board.  There are different layers and levels.  And seeing someone who I was once closely involved with share that same closeness with someone else from my inner circle makes me dreadfully uncomfortable.  Almost like all of my secrets and unique experiences with the two of them have been jumbled together and are now just being passed around like they mean nothing.  Like the sacredness of them have been devalued because they are no longer just between us.  I mean seriously.  I realize that this is going to happen in a lot of cases when someone moves on to another love.  People get really close when they are dating.  And they tell each other everything.  Some of that might extend to the telling of some of the private things that I have elected to not share with the other.  And not that I feel ashamed of anything but it just feels like a violation of my trust.  And having to look at the persons who are now together and sharing in my most personal moments just makes me feel nausea. 

I think this is possibly one of my most trivial but still fairly measurable fears.  But to be fair I have vowed to never actually do this to anyone I have dated.  Partly because I would instantly suppress any casual attractions or urges that I would have for a friends significant other, but mainly because I couldn’t handle a friend or relative doing that to me.  So don’t worry all the women I’ve loved before.  Sharon…..I won’t date your older sister even though she keeps emailing me saying that we should get together for lunch.  Don’t worry Evelyn.  I purposely avoided visiting with your cousin when I was in LA because I think she is unbelievably hot.  And Angela….sweet Angela.  I purposely avoided getting your sister a job with me because she told me that she always had a crush on me and I just don’t think I needed that type of pressure, because just like the last two women I referenced, she is also waaayyyy too hot.

Jackson.Bracey@gmail.com

@jacksonbracey

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