I remember being in college and the whole dating situation was really about, how can I get this girl back to my apartment to fool around with me.  It was rarely about any sincere courtship.  It was about hunting and conquering.  And while some of that was just the nature of young kids who have a new sense of freedom, another part of that is making the most out of what little you have when you are in school.  Most of us didn’t have cars.  We didn’t have an excess of cash for dates.  And many of us were lucky to get an off campus apartment by the time we were juniors.  So what else could we really do besides bring company back to some simple little apartment for popcorn and television? 

So when I got out of college and got a job with an actual salary, I thought that the dating thing would be just as easy.  Meet a girl….call her up…chat a couple of times…invite her over.  Simple.  Just like college right?  What girl wouldn’t want to come sit on this leather sofa and watch this premium cable?  WRONG!  Now my invitations to come over where not met with the same exuberance.  It is kind of different when the women you date now have their own place with their own cable and aren’t trying to escape some crappy dorm room.  So with age I had to reassess my dating strategy.

A girl once told me that if you let a guy start out dating you on the couch then where can you expect it to go?  ( I thought…to my bedroom!  duhhh!)  And after a quick  gas-face expression I gave her I thought,….She is absolutely right.  Sitting on my couch watching movies is a phase in dating that relationships should grow to.  It is not a starting point.  And sometimes when guys are used to being allowed to jump right to dessert then they get spoiled by the convenience. 

Now one thing I try to be clear about when I talk to lady friends, is that playing the waiting game is a no-no.  If you are hard to get then that is cool.  But if you are Playing hard to get then that is not cool.  If you feel entirely comfortable being at a guy’s house just kicking back and relaxing for in-house dates then that’s your preference.  It is all about how comfortable you feel.  But if you are playing some sort of manipulative, I’m gonna make him work for my time, sort of game with guys then you are asking for problems.  Mainly because guys can sense the insincerity.  And once one person starts to go down that path the other person can get just as fake with their intentions.

So when is a good time to ask a woman over to your house?  I am not much of a cook.  And it is not some manly requirement that I must have a woman cook for me.  That stuff is cool but it is not what I measure a woman’s worth by.  But I do get to a point when dating that I get a little tired of spending money for the luxury to get to know a woman.  So after  few dates of good convo, I like to invite a woman over to just hang out.  There is really no better place to get a real picture of who I am than when I am in my most comfortable surroundings.  Just as long as my comfortable surroundings does not consist of me walking around in my boxer briefs and covered in baby oil………….WHAT?………that’s not sexy?

We all know that sex is the next step for grown-ups when they start to spend a lot of time together.  And it is generally believed that sex to soon can stunt the growth of a relationship.  So how do you get to know someone in their most comfortable setting without rushing into sex?

1.  Treat him like a Werewolf.  Make sure that you get the hell out of Dodge by 11pm as if the full moon were coming to turn a guy into a werewolf.  Something about the night-time turns guys into a wild sexual beasts that makes him grow bigger balls and extra hands.  Be sure to get out of there before you even have to deal with it.

2.  A trip to someones house doesn’t lock you out of the dating world.  Just because you make a stop by a guy’s house and hang out for a while does not mean that every future encounter has to be at his house.  Remind him of that by asking him out on a date.  Something that won’t make you feel forced to go home together.

3.  Stay away from Movie Nights!  Look….if you are going to a guy’s house to get to know him then do stuff that will let you get to know him.  The two of you sitting on the couch, close together in silence while he plots out a way to make a move is not it.  Play UNO or something.  But just remember that for a lot bachelors, if the bedroom is considered where the magic happens, then his couch is considered where he gets his magic wand ready!  Alakazam, Alakazoo, take of you shirt and show me your Boobs!

4.  Don’t start something that you are not prepared to finish.  The most important rule of dating on the sofa.  If you aren’t ready to hit a home run, then don’t even step up to the plate.  Guys past the age of 20 take no comfort in slowly making it from first base to second base, etc….  Once a woman gets to a man’s magic sofa, guys only know one thing.  Swing for the fences like Hank Aaron.

Jackson.Bracey@gmail.com

@jacksonbracey

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