Compatibility issues in today’s relationships are always at the fore front of breakups. You rarely hear about people breaking up because She always wants to do things for me or support me. We get along so well! Damn I can’t stand that! It’s always about a lack of agreement on more serious perspectives and viewpoints. You have different tastes in clothes and personal style. You don’t see eye to eye on politics. You’re a spender and she’s a saver. You like to travel and she’s a homebody. All sorts of things come up as indicators to let people know that they are not entirely meant for each other. But the unnerving part of that is, we often times over look the serious stuff for the sake of highlighting the superficial.
Guys have the very bad habit of relaying a woman’s beauty as her calling card or chief description when they are speaking of the new woman in their life. You ask a guy about the new girl he met and he will tell you every single thing of superficial importance that he can think of. Man she is soooo bad!….. She used to be a Model….. Her ass is huge!…. Shorty has a real slick style about her…. When I went to pick her up she was looking sexy as hell! Now after telling me all that, a guy won’t even mention what they have in common. He won’t tell me if she seems to be level-headed or high-strung. He won’t mention if she seems responsible or childish. He won’t tell me if she is fun to be with or a stick in the mud. But for a solid 3-5 minutes he will go on and on about how attractive she is, and then wonder why a month from now the two of them are not connecting. A woman’s beauty can attract you but it damn sure can’t sustain you. Oh, it will certainly make you over look a few flaws here and there but at some point, you cannot keep avoiding the obvious. You two are not compatible.
And shamefully some guys just don’t seem to think about that. There almost seems to be some sort of naturally instinctive pull that draws them to something so superficial. The only thing that I can compare it to is when women describe the new man that they just met by reading you his resume. I just met this guy and he is so great! He went to Georgetown undergrad and finished Dental school at Howard. He’s now interning with DC Public Board of Health while he is waiting for his new private practice to open up. Isn’t he great?!! Uhhhh…I don’t know. Because based on what you told me all I can tell is that he is pretty bright and motivated. I was sort of hoping that you were going to tell me something to actually justify the “Great” title that you gave me about him to start. Because I’ m not sure if you are aware, but smart guys with degrees from prestigious universities and very good jobs have the capability to be an asshole just like anyone else. They can cheat. They can be abusers. And they can be drunks. And that’s the extreme. They can simply just be weirdos. But it always seems to come to the resume first. And I certainly would not criticize a professional woman for wanting to date a professional man, but it just seems a little strange that a man’s profession would be the first thing that a woman would evaluate. Especially since most of the women I know usually end relationships because they can’t seem to find common ground on fundamental things like family, lifestyle and spending. Compatibility.
Maybe the way men are wired to pursue beauty, women are wired to pursue power or status…..or maybe the security that a high-paying job can bring. Whatever……I get it. But being wired to do something does not always mean that we have to stay slaves to our primal instincts. Instinctively we are wired to let one rip whenever and wherever we are when we have gas. But we learn to not do that. And in picking companions we should learn to evaluate for things beyond the superficial. Don’t confuse my point. I like beautiful women like the rest of the planet. But to solely base my selection on a woman’s beauty is not only shallow on my part but it is irresponsible. Divorce rates are through the roof but I married the prettiest woman I know! What a Dumbass! The rest of your life has to be about something more than eye-candy or a fancy job title. It has to be about something that binds you to someone for a lifetime. And as long as we look at people for what our primal instincts find attractive, people will continue to have painful break-ups and stupid expressions that illustrate how confused they are about how their relationship ended up in shambles.