When you are single beyond a certain point of comfort for yourself, it is important that you at some time or another stop and ask…Is it me? And this is a very difficult question to answer alone, because your mind can play crazy tricks on you when you are uncertain about your self-assessment.  Some people refuse to ever believe that they have contributed to their single life while others can teeter on the brink of suicide, because they start to see themselves as some sort of unlucky in love figure who will never find a mate. (please get some help) But it has been my experience that all single people have this stupid, convoluted set of rules that they live by that they completely understand, but it is up to other singles to just figure out.  It’s sort of like having your mother tell you to clean your room and when you think you have it completely spotless, she comes in and lets you know that none of the places that you have chosen to neatly store your things is appropriate.  And then to add insult to injury she asks….what where you thinking?…………….Well actually right now I am thinking that my mom is psycho!  How am I suppose to know this stuff?

So these are just a few of the fine lines of dating that people expect other love-searching singles to follow.

There is a fine line between being aggressive and being a stalker. Now while I constantly hear single ladies complain about guys being aloof and acting like they can take or leave a particular woman because they have sooo many options, I still hear some of these same ladies complain about a guy seeming too Pressed.  It’s like a lady want’s a  guy to show genuine interest and pursue her but she also wants him to do it in such a way that she doesn’t really know for certain if he really likes her…..WTH?? I can remember being a young college student and using the stupid 3 day rule whenever I got a girls phone number.  The rule states that from the date and time of procuring said phone number from hot girl, you must wait the minimum of 48 hours and no more than 72 hours to make contact. Complete little kid stuff.  But as a grown man I directly tell a woman when I get her number that I am going to call tomorrow or whenever, just to let her know that I am being sincere about getting to know her.  But this is a turn off for some women.

I think we all know what a stalker is.  And I, myself, have been guilty of accusing a girl of being too pressed and not letting the interaction happen at a relaxed pace.  But the point is, how does the person who is pursuing you know what your rules or standards for being too aggressive are?  For the most part they are just trying to show their legitimate interest and let you know that they think you are special.  Are we that jaded to having someone really treat us nicely and showing us attention?   All that being said………………..Some of ya’ll are just bona fide stalkers.

There is a fine line between being a nice guy and being a chump. This is a really hard thing for guys to deal with and understand.  Many of us are taught to be nice and polite but at some point when we realize that girls are responding to guys who treat them like shit we get confused.  And then there is this struggle about whether or not we should act like jerks as well or just continue with business as usual.  Most guys wind up going through a period where we modify our nice upbringing and try to balance it with our inner DMX and fail miserably.

The first time I had to deal with this, I questioned what I was doing for a solid 2 weeks when I was a freshman in college.  I was talking to a girl who was really cool and more than any other superlative I could use to describe her…she was really hot. So after a couple of weeks of getting to know her, word got back to me from a mutual friend that she didn’t really need me like that because she thought I was too soft.  Well excuse the hell outta me Bitch for trying to treat you with some measure of respect! That was my immediate response back them.  She was sort of put off that I hadn’t tried to jump her bones…………in two weeks. So it completely sent my nice guy swag into the closet for a while.    How are guys suppose to know which woman to treat with respect and which ones to shove our tongues down their throats?  I sort of think I understand the dynamic a little better now as I try to read a woman’s cue’s more.  But all it takes is for me to misread a cue….. be a little overzealous and try to push a good night kiss into an over night polka party and a woman could totally sink my battleship.

There is a fine live between dressing sexy and looking like a whore. For my taste I have always had an appreciation for understated beauty.  A woman who can look really pretty at times when she is not really trying.  And when she does try, she has a limit to how far she will go to try to catch some attention.  And as I have grown I have just really appreciated the diversity that women exhibit between looking sexy in some sweats or jeans and also being able to be sexy in a short skirt.  But with all that said………..I still love to see a woman dress like a whore from time to time. I can literally look at Amber Rose/Niki Minaj pics for well over an hour straight and not get bored.  Guys are captivated over that sexuality that women exude when they prance around in outfits that are generally designed to peak a mans interest.  When guys see a woman dressed like that they can immediately fantasize over what they want to do with her right then and there.  And when women see guys behave that way over women that look that way, they want to do the same and attract that sort of attention from guys.  And that’s totally cool with guys too….until you become one of their girlfriends.  Guys don’t want their girlfriends to exude the same sexy/trashy vibe that video vixens do.  They are looking for a different sort of sexiness.  That understated sexiness that makes a woman attractive but doesn’t entice other men to want to jump her bones right in the middle of the street.   How are women suppose to know that?  If they see some skanky looking girl getting more attention than she can handle in a nightclub, while the respectable girls are getting no play, what do you expect them to do?  Fine line…..very fine.

There is a fine line between being funny and being a smartass. Women and men both love to date people who have a great sense of humor.  As a matter of fact I cannot recall ever meeting someone who has not said that they appreciate a man or woman with a sense of humor.  But there is a fine line between being naturally witty and forcing in jokes that make you seem like a cornball.  Some of us have watched wayyyyy too much Curb Your Enthusiasm and not gotten the point.  The main character Larry David makes us laugh from the other side of the television screen but to the people he interacts with, he’s and asshole.  Please try to chill out with the extra dry humor until you can gauge what someone else is into.  And as the offended party, people need to know that  common nerves play a role in some of the getting to know you jitters that might make someone say something awkward.  Lighten up and give someone a chance.

There are so many more fine-lines that we all have.  We can’t help it!  We are just used to certain things.  But the point is that the people who are setting these rules are often times so inflexible with what they are accustomed to, that they will never be able to meet someone nice because there will always be this invisible FINE LINE that only they know the proper way to navigate.  Single for a reason……..

Jackson.Bracey@gmail.com

@jacksonbracey

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