When guys are dating they really like to be in control.  Not in control of where they go out for dates or how often they see a woman. Not in control of what movie we see or where a woman is when she is not with us.  We like to be in control of something much more important than that.  You see, the surface control is not what we ultimately yearn for.  We want to be in control of the destination that our life is going in the foreseeable future.  We want to know that when the ship sails, that we are the ones driving.  We like to be entirely in control when it comes to when and how quickly we move into relationships. Everything else ladies….you can have.  (At least until we get married and you start nagging me every couple of hours about what I am doing with my time) Because guys feel like when we are dating a woman, to lose that control over where my life is going in the immediate future could either do one of too things.  It can lead to us being pushed into a direction that we are not entirely prepared for or it will just mean the end of our single life.  And while the second reason is not a bad thing at all, for a man who has been single for a long time it represents a change in his normally comfortable single existence.

A lot of men have problems with aggressive women because they feel like they are pushy.  And very few men like to be pushed around.  By anyone.  It has really nothing to do with the fact that a woman is doing the pushing.  Having things suggested to you in an overbearing sort of way or even having someone try to tell a grown person what they need to be doing is grounds for a confrontation for most people.  In the workplace, at the gym, in relationships….it’s all the same.  But guys shouldn’t be so put off because a woman let’s you know that she likes you.  We shouldn’t really take that as being aggressive.  That really fits more so into the frame of just being honest.

But when men feel like a woman says that she likes you too soon, that she is automatically throwing down the gauntlet and letting you and the whole world know….I WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU! Now I typed in bold and capitalized that statement because that is honestly how some men take hearing a woman say “I like you“.  It’s like you just told the whole neighborhood that I am bad in bed.  (Lower your damn voice) And from a guy’s perspective, I can relate because I have been there.  I have sat across the dinner table on the first date and heard a woman say things like…You know..I really like you.  You seem pretty nice, funny, no kids.  I think you are the kind of guy that I could really fall for. PAUSE…stop right there.  How am I suppose to respond to that?  We just met and while I think you are attractive, that is the only thing that I can definitively speak to right now.  I feel like when someone says that to me I am forced to say something in response.  But I usually end up just giving the awkward thank you because I don’t want to over speak about how I am feeling at that moment.  More importantly it comes back to the issue of control.  If we are going to get together, continue to go out on dates, have sex, get married or never speak again, guys always want to be the ones to make that call.  Make the call on how serious this whole thing will get.  But when a woman puts a proclamation of her love out on the table it sort of throws a wrench into a man’s plans.

A woman saying what is on her mind is not at all a bad thing.  A lady should be able to be open about things before she, instead of taking it to another level, gets taken to another level.  I would just say that women and men might want to gauge how early they are expressing their feelings.  Love at first sight might seem cool to women, but guys find it to be not quite as……breathtaking. And while many guys find it to be “too much” from the perspective of not allowing the relationship to grow naturally, there are a lot of guys who strictly just don’t want to take the possibility of having a strictly physical relationship off the board.  If a woman just jumps right out there and says on the first date that I want you to be my boyfriend, then a guy has to make up his mind about whether or not he wants to make that happen or whether or not he is going to just lead a woman on and lie to her and bang her anyway.  Sure!  Plenty of men do that, but for most of them it is an awkward enough reality that makes many guys just say, “I’ll pass“, all together.  But where does that leave the lady who has expressed herself to a guy in the first place?  Usually by herself.

It’s so weird that actually telling someone that you are into them can really be such a turn-off for guys.  It is similar to the dynamic that exists with women who seem to be turned on sometimes by the mystery of a man who seems aloof but put off by the sincerity of a man who brings her flowers.  We just cannot get it together as single people.  And we cannot stop protecting our personal comforts at the expense of someone elses’ sincere feelings.  People will shit on you in a heartbeat when you get too expressive because it feeds their egos.  Makes them somehow feel superior.  But when you begin to look back on all the people who you played out for being honest with you, the feeling that should more appropriately be jumping out at you is a feeling of shame……

@JacksonBracey

Jackson.Bracey@gmail.com

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