Platonic relationships are absolutely real and alive. One of my very closest friends since college is a woman who I met during the second day of orientation. And what makes our relationship work is that during that very first meeting and interaction we were not meeting out of a sense of attraction, but rather a common sense of frustration as we waited in registration lines. But aside from how our relationships are formed people have to be honest about what their relationships are based on. The best platonic friendships are based on respect and appreciation for someone. That may be respect for someones intellect. Appreciation for someone’s sense of humor. Or maybe even a little bit of admiration for someone who is doing positive things and going someplace in the world. Someplace that hopefully can lead you to great opportunities as well. But at some point we have to stop and evaluate what someone is getting from our friendships and whether or not they are quietly just playing the friend role while secretly pining for your affection.
I have a very solid sense of when a woman likes me. I notice the body language, the attentiveness and the flirty discomfort that people exhibit when they get just a little bit flustered. I think I know the signs so well because I have given them off before. I’ve been that apprehensive guy who is nervous about being upfront and explaining why I am so quick to help you out or go someplace with you that is not quite a date, but more so just a place that you don’t want to go by yourself. In my earlier relationships I have been the friend that wanted more. And I believe that a lot of people have been in that role. That is why so many people are sensitive to their special someone having platonic friends. People want to know what that other persons intentions are. I mean, honestly…….how many guys do you really look at like a brother?! Better yet, how many of these guys really only look at you like a sister?! Any guy who has ever wanted to nail his close female friend doesn’t like to hear his lady utter those “like a brother” words.
But even amongst the suspicions I completely believe that you can have these types of relationships that are loving and friendly without being steamy and salacious. I literally vomit a little bit in my throat when I think of my close lady friend naked. Ughhh! (despite what some of you might think, she is indeed cute….even though I would definitely never tell her that. I’d sooner shoot a spit ball at her) But the thing that upsets people the most about these opportunities for suspicious feelings is your partners total ignorance to the hidden affection of some people. Really? You really expect me to believe that this guy who bought you lunch for a week straight was just being nice? Like your brother, Right?……Really? You think that she just picked up the phone to text you and tell you that she was lonesome because she was legitimately lonesome…..at 10:27 PM…on a Saturday night? Love her like a sister , Right?…………If you knock that naive, I can’t tell that he/she likes me, love them like a sister/brother routine off, I am gonna hit you in the head with the imaginary wake-up brick…which by the way is actually a REAL BRICK. You mean to tell me that I am supposed to believe that you are observant enough to notice when someone new cuts my hair, when I have on different underwear than I did in the morning after coming in from the gym after work, and even notice when I am in a good mood by my voice mail tone, but you can’t tell that this stalker ass dude who is supposed to be like your brother is secretly in love with you? I’m not buying it. Either you are dumb or blind. And those contacts and that masters degree in psychology give me no reason to believe either!
People sometimes hold onto those sorts of relationships for less than respectable reasons. For a lot of people who maintain relationships with men and women who they know are into them, it is for the sake of the ego boost that it gives them. It is nice to be in the company of someone who is hanging on your every word and stroking your ego quietly but not aggressively. Sometimes people are using them for something. I know a woman who even to this day maintains a relationship with a guy who doles out money to her when she wants it because he really likes her and he uses his money as a way to keep her close. And she disingenuously plays it off as if he is just a good friend and that she would do the same for him. It just so happens that she never does. And of course, just like a guy, he tries to downplay his interest in her by repeating to anyone in ear shot that “this is like my little sister”. The is that he would love to be more than just her friend and he is not sure that she would reciprocate those feelings so he does what ever he can to keep her around in whatever capacity that he can. This is not rocket science. And it is serious grounds for major disagreements with people in relationships.
The excuse of, you should just trust and no that I have no interest in him/her, is not a strong enough excuse for me. Because for me it is not that I don’t trust you, but that I simply do not like you being in the company of a man who has his designs set on you. When a persons frustrations build up from having to look at a woman that they want but can’t have, it leads them to act out. And let’s say I cannot convince you that he would ever do that. Fine. I still don’t like it! Find another friend. Someone who isn’t actively always trying to do things that are placing him in your emotional good graces. It is a very underhanded practice and whether or not you will actually fall for it is not the point! The point is that you need to stop playing dumb and acknowledge that the woman/man who brings you lunch 3 days a week is not just looking for a friend to help her/him with their legal briefs. They are really just trying to get into your boxer briefs. These aren’t even typical behaviors that you see between friend of the same sex. You have to notice that no one is going to try that hard to be just your friend. And you keeping them around because they are conveniently catering to you or stroking your ego is unsettling and the type of juvenile practice that you should have abandoned a long time ago.