I have had my fair share of fun hitting up the nigh club scene for about a decade.  Going hard with my friends and trying to relive the images of what the hot club party scene is supposed to be like based on all the stuff I saw on videos before I was 18.  And yes, I say before I was 18 because I never snuck into places when I was under age.  As a matter of fact I think my first experience with going to a club was my freshman year of college.  And it was really cool.  Just the atmosphere, the music, the way the girls were extra done up and looking like a million bucks.  It made want to go hard.  And I did!  I went through that whole thing with my friends.  Getting as fly as I could, to stand out amongst a crowd of thousands to compete with the meat market that was “The Club“.  We would start preparing our Friday night outings on Wed.  Make a barber shop appointment for Friday at lunch.  Make sure you polish the wheels.(not the car tires but the shoes on my feet.) And guys are notorious for buying a new shirt for the club.  We won’t go out and get entire outfits as much as women.  But all we need to feel extra fresh when we go out is a new top.  So the whole preparation thing is not just a big deal for women.  Guys on a much smaller scale get into the whole competition of being the Flyest Dude in the club.  And when we hit the door looking good, smelling good and feeling good…look out.  Because here come the obnoxious, corny line delivering, casual hand grabbing, staring you down to lock eyes stalking, 40 dollars worth of ones and fives flashing dudes who are feeling extra good about themselves.

So contrary to popular belief, guys have totally lived the club experience and enjoyed it just as much as women.  But we just seem to go for different reasons on the average.  75% of the time, guys go clubs to stare at, talk to and take home women.  The other 25% of the time is just to get out, be with friends and enjoy the atmosphere.  And as we get older and get into relationships that ratio starts to sharply shift.  And eventually it totally changes to us just hanging out at different types of places all together.  The club just presents too much temptation for a regular hang out spot.  Going to the club all the time for a guy that is in a relationship is like making someone on a diet sit in a Cinnabon shop all day and apply the icing to fresh hot cinnamon rolls.  I can hang for a few hours but why even do it too myself.  That’s why guys go to sports bars and hang out at the gym and do the sort of stuff that women consider lame.  Because as women get older they still like to enjoy the club from time to time.  Women start off going to the club for the same reasons as guys but their percentage does not change the same way.  Lets’ say about 65% to 35%.  That’s 65% going out to meet guys to 35% hanging out with friends, liking to look cute and dancing the night away.  And when women get into relationships, the first percentage takes a huge dip right away.  All the way down to 30%!  But they still enjoy being with their girlfriends in an environment where they can still feel cute and sexy and have that sexiness applauded by some guys that will be dying to buy them a drink.  Somehow though, men and women can’t understand where the opposite sex is with their percentages.

Since guys go to the club to meet girls they have a really hard time comprehending that women don’t go out to meet guys.  Just about every guy I know has at one time said…“I can’t be serious with a woman who I meet in the club”.  Uhhhh.  Newsflash jackass.  You go to the club!  What’s the difference?  And to be fair, I have known quite a few women to say the same thing.  But for guys they can never seem to get into the idea that a woman may just want to go out and be with her girlfriend and dance.  Even as I write this article I still sort of have a hard time totally understanding it myself.  In my mind people go to a club to have drinks and dance in the dark.  So if that’s what my lady wants, I can just stop by the liquor store on the way home, download a mixtape and install that dimmer that I bought from HomeDepot last month and get it poppin!  I mean, in my mind I just saved you money on gas, parking, a new dress, make-up and alcohol.  Not to mention the time you save on getting ready.  That time could be spent making dinner to avoid a late night stop off at the carry-out after the club closes.  You know…..after I cut on the living room lights.

But that’s how guys think.  Because what we are really trying to do is keep our lady away from the ogling men that hang out in clubs the way that we did when we met you.  We just can’t fathom that a woman would want to go out to a single, social environment and not be involved in that sort of stuff.  For me, whether or not my lady would be tempted by those advances is not the issue.  It’s just I don’t want any guy aggressively pursuing my lady.  I don’t need some over zealous dude who feels like he is the man disrespecting that fact that my lady has a man.  That just irritates me.  And if my lady were the type to consistently like to be in that sort of environment I would be put off with her seemingly strange desire to always have someone other than me showering her with attention.  Because that is scary.  Guys feel threatened by that.  And while I know that women have a lot of fun just being out with friends and dancing, let’s not act like relationships haven’t been broken up by people meeting and striking up “friendships” with committed people who they have met in a club.

So the question becomes, how much should a person in a relationship hang out in night clubs or other places that are usually a magnet for single activity?  Once a month?  Twice a month?  Once a week?  People are wrong to automatically assume that just because someone gets to be a certain age or has children, or is in a relationship that they should be banished from hanging out.  Even though it is not my cup of tea, some people legitimately get some enjoyment out of hanging out and just people watching, having a drink, or listening to music or dancing. (for the record….I can do all those things in  the mall, the bar at my favorite restaurant, or a lounge……without ever setting foot in a club.  I’m so biased) But I think that couples should discuss some sort of parameters that are set because hanging out to the detriment of your relationship is an easy sort of thing to fall into.  If I like to hang out with my boys at the gym, in the bar or at the game to the point that my girlfriend feels neglected, then I cannot really complain when she hangs out in clubs where someone else is going to pay her the attention that maybe I am not.  Conversely, hanging out in a club because you like to have that sort of attention is never something that anyone should feel comfortable with.  Maybe how much my mate and I will agree to hang out in the streets should be something that I can negotiate before I get married.  I better add that one to the list.

@JacksonBracey

Jackson.Bracey@gmail.com

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