Video Clip From Episode of Keeping up With the Kardashians
All it takes for most guys is one time to see a woman playing some guy out in front of other people to make them untrusting of women and answering machines. I can remember being in college and having a girl play me a guys super pressed voice mail that he left her. I cannot even fully remember what it was specifically about but it was somewhere along the lines of him pleading with her to call him back…he had so much that he wanted to say…he missed her and wanted them to be together forever,blah, blah, blah….. But what sticks out the most about that memory is the way that she rolled her eyes and laughed at his pleas for some sort of communication. The way she called me into her room to hear the message. She replayed it 3 times to help me hear the very moment where his voice cracked. I never can forget that moment because of my own shame for having laughed at that man’s pain. Maybe I was just laughing because she was laughing. More likely I was laughing because I was feeling really good about myself in the face of this mans emotional breakdown over a woman who he really cared about who was now trying to woo me by showing me how badly someone else wanted her. It had to be about a year later when I stopped to think about how hurtful sharing his messages with me was. I was just 18 and had not really been through enough to feel what that grown man was feeling on the other end of that line so I dismissed it. And maybe I just needed to grow up a little to realize what was happening. Or maybe the fact that I realized that shorty was an asshole who was self-absorbed and hard to hold a conversation with helped me to realize that she was not a nice person.
Fast forward 5 years and my experiences had grown. I know what the emotional roller coaster of unrequited love feels like. I know what it is like to see someone want to make a connection and have someone summarily dismiss them as though they are gum underneath their shoe. And the sympathy I feel for that is powerful. I think to how many women I have been just some sort of punchline for jokes that they have shared with their friends over a bottle of wine during a friendly girls night dish session. And while I know that such a company of women cannot be large at all, or even measurable beyond the number of tennis balls you could hold in your hand, it only takes one…… One yellow, fuzzy, bouncy ball with deep lines all over to represent the hurt that I felt over a bad separation. And having someone bounce that ball around to play fetch with some damn golden retriever…or laughingly share my impassioned emails, texts or voice mails with a group of people…..is hurtful. Shameful. Disgusting. Such thoughts have made me so prideful at times that I have been reluctant to be sincere with women about the direction that my heart is pulling me. And with the way men and women so casually can toss around someone else’s feelings……I don’t see that as a bad thing.
So now I look at the clips on-line for the Kardashian Show Trailer. And I see the selling point of the episode being centered around Kim (the Show’s feature character) fielding calls from her former boyfriend and professional football player Reggie Bush. And the clips show her taking his calls and listening to him vent over his initial anxiety over knowing that she has not only moved on, but having to deal with the public nature of it all as she dates one of his contemporaries in another professional football player. Now I will certainly not be a hypocrite and say that I have not exchanged a few frustrating words as I have remembered certain circumstances with a woman who I have dated in the past. I think that it is a natural thing to voice frustrations over someone who you had higher expectations for when they have disappointed you. And I use the word disappointment because sometimes when we use the term bitterness as it pertains to relationships it gives the connotation that you some how want that person back, which is certainly not alway the case. (I mean damn! I can share some stories about my 10th grade English teacher doing some things in class to leave a sour taste in my mouth but it doesn’t mean I want to go back to the 1oth grade. Their just memories.) So when Miss Kardashian speaks candidly to her sisters or mother about the pain that her boyfriend has caused her or the disappointment that she has suffered over his or her indiscretions, I think that she is well within her right to share with her loved ones if it helps her feel better to talk about it. But as I watched the clips, that’s not what was being shown…..or at least not what I was seeing. And maybe those 2 minute clips did not tell the whole story. Maybe the greater picture could be surmised in the entire show. But what I saw immediately took me back to that day that I sat in that girls dorm room when I was 18 years old. I saw Miss Kardashian smirk and smile as she listened to her ex boyfriend rage about some bill that she charged to him over a car wash. And not only did her facial expression seem sort of condescending but the way she repeated everything that he said as he said it, for her family and the tv audience just made me feel a little…..uncomfortable. Exposing his anxiety to all those who sat at the table and for the cameras to see. Exposing a guy whose entire professional success is fueled by bravado and strength and maintaining and edge over the competition. An edge that he will somewhat lose in the locker room and on the field when these episodes air. Because if you think that his pro football contemporaries aren’t using this as a mental edge over Reggie Bush as they rib him about not only losing his girlfriend to a competitor, but about his emotional breakdown being replayed on television, then you don’t know much about the competitive nature of young, testosterone driven, millionaire pro athletes. And in another clip as she went so far as to put him on speaker phone and expose him to the world I thought it was just tacky. Maybe this reality tv is more real than I thought. Maybe Reggie, who surely knew that she was taping was totally aware that she would be recording his conversation and the two of them laughed about the publicity plot that they had concocted to get people to talk about them. Maybe this is just a another reason why I am glad to not be a part of a world were notoriety is what drives peoples success and happiness. And it really isn’t for me to understand. Or maybe……………she had carelessly done to this man what “superstar” Ray-J did to her some years ago when he callously released her frantic voice mails to the internet when she left him emotional messages.
Link to Phone Call on Speaker phone between Kim and Reggie:
How quickly we forget the idea of the Golden Rule. “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them.” And whether you have seen this in Matthew 7:12 or on a bumper sticker at a truck stop, you can never go wrong by letting such and idea lead your thoughts or control your movements in life. But I guess at times the idea of being resentful or being vindictive just consumes us so much that we are blinded by our hurt that it drives us to hurt. And in the process we create distrust……distrust for people moving forward. I wonder if Reggie Bush will ever date another reality star? I wonder if Kim has had second thoughts about putting the pain of a guy that she conceivably still has some connection to on television? I think it is fair to say that maybe the both could have some regrets, but what is even more sure in my mind is that I won’t ever laugh at anyone elses voice mails.