It’s homecoming season! And everyone is extra excited about representing their university and re-living the glory years! All night parties….Tailgating so hard that you forget the football team is playing……Showing the new-school sorority and fraternity kids how the Old-school does it! Just an all out weekend of debauchery and totally irresponsible adult behavior. But wait! Don’t some of you grown ass people have significant others? Of course you do. And like any heavy party boy/girl, you are not too keen on taking them with you to homecoming.  So here is a list of guidelines to maintain your relationships through the Homecoming season.

Rule #1. Don’t pose for any pictures that are not taken with your camera. While you might feel like every one of your friends from college is in the house for this weekend of reliving the dream, they’re not. There is a whole cross-section of people who weren’t able to make it to homecoming who cannot wait to see the play by-play via Facebook. And the last thing your girlfriend needs to see is a long comment thread on some photo that you posed for with your ex-girlfriend. “Awwwwww….you guys look so great together. Just like old times!” So unless you are going to stalk Facebook for the next 3 weeks to delete comments and untag pictures, stay out of the paparazzi view unless you are posing strictly with your boys.

Rule #2. Don’t turn your weekend trip to homecoming into a whole WEEK. I know that college represents the best times of your life for many people. And there is nothing more enticing than the desire to re-live those years. But dude……a whole week? What the hell are you doing walking around “the yard” on Monday and Tuesday the week of homecoming?  Besides pissing your girlfriend off and making her wonder about your motivation to party amongst a bunch of young kids……  You have to ease into homecoming when you are dating someone who did not go to a school that celebrates it like yours.  It is kind of hard to sell the idea that you are going down on Monday to meet up with your boys for a weekend event on Monday.  The first thing she is going to ask is…..So none of your old college buddies have jobs?  All of you are going down on Monday?  Just take it easy champ, go down on Thursday after work.  No need to OD on the foolishness.

Rule #3  Please try to avoid the urge to test the lengths of fidelity of your ex.  Guys can have this sort of uncontrollable urge to test the waters with that girl who was totally head over hills for him in college.  They like to know that they still have some small piece of influence over her.  So one hug leads to a flirty comment.  Flirty comments lead to tailgate drinks.  Tailgate drinks to alumni party dancing and the next thing you know, you are acting like you are in Vegas.  But the only difference is that “What happens at Homecoming, Definitely doesn’t stay at Homecoming”.  How can you really expect to have stuff happen on the DL when you are surrounded by this many people who really know you?  And don’t fool yourself into thinking that your boys will keep secrets.  Especially not the married ones.  They can’t keep anything to themselves anymore…

Rule#4  Don’t get caught over extending yourself by trying to show off for your friends.  Listen..I totally understand that some people were pretty broke in college.  We all were at some point.  Borrowing money here and there on rare occasions.  Having to pass on hanging out because funds were low.  I get it.  That sort of struggle is part of college as far as I am concerned.  But no need to prove anything to anyone almost a decade later.  We know that you have a good job now.  So try to fight the urge to show off and pick up the tab all weekend.  Dinner at the local hotel.  Drinks at the bar.  Concessions at the game.  Chill!  Because no matter what your special someone says, not only will they be a little pissed that you went without them for the entire 4 day extravaganza, but if they find out that you tapped your funds for the remainder of the month trying to play Big Willie, you will never hear the end of that.

Rule #5  Don’t walk into the house without a gift.  Now this has a double-edged option too it.   You can indeed walk in the house without a gift.  But if you do, just remember to shut your damn mouth about how awesome everything was.  Just give the customary sort of responses.  It was ok. ….It was nice to see everyone…..Jason and Tony are both getting married……Terrance is working on a promotion at his job.  Keep the conversation very generic and lame.  Stay away from using words and phrases like.  Off the hook, chain or heezy fo sheezy…..Epic…Saturday night is a blur….best time ever…….God I love Homecoming…….who the hell would not elect to go to an HBCU………I can’t wait til next year.  If you are stupid enough to come home talking like that, then you better be prepared with a little more than a damn hat and t-shirt with a school logo.

@jacksonbracey

jackson.bracey@gmail.com

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