One of the most difficult realizations that all people have to accept at one point or another is that someone looks at you and thinks…..I can do better that this person. That is maybe the single hardest thing to accept for a lot of people. The idea that someone can even consider themselves as being too good for you. The primary obstacle in realizing this point for many people is trying to reconcile in your mind that maybe it is not just a reality that is someone’s personal thoughts. The idea that this could actually be true is word burdens people.
In every single aspect of life we are encouraged to explore our options. Analyze what is available to us. Then make a good decision. Shopping for cars, picking fruit in the grocery store, choosing a college, or even weeding through job offers. We are taught to choose wisely. And choosing wisely certainly does not mean choosing the lowest end of the options that you are presented with. But we hate to feel like someone is dismissing us. Saying that we are beneath them. Telling us that we are not good enough….. Pretty enough….. Smart enough……. Successful enough. We go through these long drawn out explanations in our minds that lend themselves to borderline delusional thought processes as oppose to facing a harsh truth.
I had a girl int he 7th grade stalk my whole like for an entire 2 weeks. She waited for me to get off the bus in the morning to hand me a note that would be filled with jargon and chicken scratch with the expectation that I would write her back, which I never did. She would sit right behind me in class and play with my hair and talk my ear off for the entire 50 minutes. Ensuring that I would have little to contribute when the teacher called on me as my focus was elsewhere. She would never try to sit next to me when we were in the lunch room, but she was always strategically placed across the cafeteria so that she could watch me as I chomped on corn dogs with crinkly fries for lunch. But all of this adulation and stary-eyed treatment totally changed when she got the word that I had no interest in her at all. You know how it was back in those days. You would send someone else to feel out how she felt about you before you asked them to “go with you”. And once she got the word that I wasn’t feeling her………. her whole attitude changed. Her first words were….I don’t like him any way….he ain’t all that! Like an instant defense mechanism it just kicked in. Had she just totally forgotten that she had just slipped a love letter in my locker and hour earlier? Now honestly I did not think she was cute enough….. That sounds shamefully harsh. And not something that I would ever say to a woman. But that is the reality that we have all felt at one time or another. The same reality that I have had to face countless times in my life when a woman has thought me to be less than suitable of her affection. Whether or not I was not handsome enough, not tall enough, not short enough, not skinny enough, not educated enough, not successful enough or any other enoughs that she was unhappy with. And I too, like that girl in the 7th grade, in most cases responded with some sort of defensive comeback because I was pissed that someone told me I wasn’t good enough. I could instantaneously breakdown every flaw that a woman may have had, as a responce to her cavalier dismissal of me. All in an attempt to find some sort of self gratifying way to make me and her know that she wasn’t better than me. That she was wrong to make a judgement like that and she would regret it in the long run. But really……..no woman who did not like me was ever wrong. She just wasn’t into me.
Attraction is a funny thing. Sometimes no matter how much money you have or how good you look or how smart you are….sometimes people just won’t like you. And it doesn’t have to be a reflection of your deficiencies. But when someone’s lack of interest is because of your deficiencies, don’t be a hypocrite. Because we have all not liked someone because we thought them to be not up to par. If you are a handsome guy you generally want a pretty girl. And if you are a smart woman, it is well within your right to like bright guys. And if you just happen to be that person who someone deems not attractive enough or not bright enough……….get over it. Not everyone is meant for everyone. It is not my birth right to have Halle Berry like me. Just like it is not Fantasia Barrino’s God-given right to wind up with the handsome, charming and witty Jackson Bracey. (If you have a problem with my adjectives take it up with my grandmother. Irene thinks I walk on water!) Because it is just my honest opinion that I might be able to pull something a little bit cuter…maybe a little smarter….I hope…. Now I don’t want to be one of those unrealistic people that we all know who always seems to gravitate towards and shoot for people who are out of their league. But in the end…………….I don’t want to feel like I underachieved. And not just in the physical department. But in all facets. Especially the areas that are much more important than looks. We all have a little bit of shallowness in us. And we should fight to overcome such a simple disposition. But if I were to expect a woman to fight some of her very basic instincts that guide her general sense of attraction, all in the hopes that she would be into me…..I think that would make me a little bit less than reasonable. I think that while she is holding out for someone who is more atractive…I better hold out for someone who finds me more attractive. Because in the long run…while I don’t want to feel like I underachieved, I definitely don’t want my lady to feel like she underachieved.