There is a serious disconnect between what a lot of people say that they are about and what they do when actually confronted with the specific circumstance in the real world.  It’s like, a guy saying  Baby.  I would take a bullet for you…from the cozy confines of his living room sofa.  But where is Mr. SuperHero when someone whips out a gun on the train and asks for your purse?  Probably in the corner with his tail between his legs.  But we speak so matter of factly about things sometimes because we know that it is the right thing to say.  But our emotions can get the best of us at times when things are right in our face.  Every straight guy professes that he would totally love his son if he were to come out as being gay.  But when he turns 16 and comes home with his 6’2″, 210lb linebacker boyfriend as his winter formal date, then your ass is curled up in your garage like a shut-in while you are on hold trying to schedule and appointment with Dr. Phil.  Sounds good in theory…..but doesn’t quite come out in your actions in reality.  We see this all the time with dating.

I guess it sounds good for you to say that you have no problem with your lady making more money than you……..Until you realize just how much more.  And you start to get super paranoid about every little thing that the two of you do together that pertains to money.  You start to suspect that she is trying to disrespect you every time she suggests that you go to an expensive restaurant, or she makes mention of paying a bill or she talks about the raise she just received from work.  FOOL!  Get your panties out of a bunch!  You are the problem….not her money.  Stop pouting like a sensitive little 6-year-old who just found out you can’t follow your older brother down the street!  Man up.

I guess it sounds good for you to say that you don’t have a problem with a black man dating a woman who is not black……Until it happens to be a guy that you would like to date.  At which point you start to read into little things about his background that speaks to how he is nothing more than a self-hating, woman hating, low self-esteem having man who has absolutely no respect for his mother, his sister, his grandmother and every other black woman that he has ever come in contact with.  Please check yourself….or maybe even just be honest with yourself.  Don’t open your mouth to proclaim what you don’t have a problem with it unless you really don’t have a problem with it.

I guess it sounds good for you to say that you to have this very simple image of what you see as being the ideal person for you.  To paint this picture of yourself as being easy to please and very reasonable in your expectations…..until you actually run into that person on the street.  Now all of a sudden you are asking questions like, What exactly do you do for a living?  And you said you live where now?  And you went to school where exactly?  How tall are you?  Just a second ago all you needed what a clean-cut guy/girl who seemed to have a happy disposition, a strong sense of respect and a cute smile.  Now you are asking questions like you are too good to date a guy/girl who lives in a one bedroom apartment and works as meter maid.  You just finished talking out the side of your neck about how you are easy to please and you had the nerve to ask someone where they went to school like some sort of Oxford snob.  Fool you got a professional certificate from some obscure trade school and now you are a damn scholar?  Who are you foolin’?  If you are an unreasonably picky prick who is unfairly concerned with superficial things like how big a girls ass is or how tall a guy is then own that.  Don’t be ashamed.  At least it will keep you from looking stupid when an easy-going, eligible comes by and you shoot them down for something trivial like what side of town they live on.

I guess it sounds good for you to say that you support your guy/lady getting back into good shape……..Until their new fit frame starts to shed that much more light on how out of shape your flabby ass is.  It was all good when he/she was excited about fitting into that old pair of jeans from a couple of years ago.  But when other people started to notice how nice they looked you couldn’t help but feel compelled to all of a sudden start cooking up all sorts of pastas and pies and cakes.  What kind of sick ass person comes home with a two dozen hot glazed Krispy Kreme donuts at 9pm on a Tuesday night…….?  Excited because you had a buy one get a dozen free coupon.   You seem more like and unfit hater who is looking for company on the lazy train.

I guess it sounds good for you to say that you are cool with your lady hanging out with her friends….until you don’t have any place to go and she starts to be out more frequently than you are.  Next thing you know you are staying up late sitting on the sofa with a beer when she comes home wearing nothing but a pair of boxers and a scowl.  Feeling all out of control while you sit there with a MANtude, not willing to come right out and say that you don’t want her to go hang out to late or to often.   Why?  Because you are to prideful to admit that it was your arrogant pride that made you tell her to go out in the first place because you didn’t want to seem insecure, or give off the sentiment that you were lonely or that you were jealous of other guys talking to her.  So instead you give off the psycho vibe.  Sitting in the dark all alone with the lights out, like someone’s father trying to catch them sneaking in after curfew.  And that is actually so much worse to do.  Now she thinks that you are borderline crazy and she sleeps with one eye open.  Good job Dumbass.