You know….I really wanted to give my full attention to the Lord on Sunday morning but I was tempted by the devil and got sidetracked and never even made it out of bed. I got a morning call to temptation from a “good friend” of mine who is like many of us, plagued by the obsession that is reality television. And this morning’s obsession was Basketball Wives. You know….that VH1 show with a bunch of women who are classified as wives by the title even though none of them are actually married. Now to get this call was especially distressing to me because for almost a month now I have managed to dismiss the reality cycle. I went cold turkey! I have managed to stay away from the Kardashians, The Housewives, The Athlete Wives, Pregnant Teens, American Idol….all of it! It had all become so messy and over dramatized to me that I was having a hard time not talking crap about the characters. So I realized that I needed a break. But when she called me and summarized a volatile encounter between some women who were arguing over who had a legit relationship and who was or was not married, I was sucked right back in. I had fallen off the wagon. Just like Keyshia Cole’s momma Frankie! (Oh my God….I am using tragically trashy reality shows to illustrate my points) But even as I battled with my urges to watch or not watch I was overtaken by the words of my friend who called and told me, “you should watch because it provides good relationship material for the blog”. And that was all the excuse I needed to give into temptation.
So as I watched, I tried to pull out some points of interest to discuss with the women on the show and I wound up watching 3 full episodes and even reading some commentaries for the show that I found online. And I came across the Executive Producer of the show,Shaunie O’neal, giving a radio interview where she boldly proclaimed that she could only think of one guy in the NBA who is faithful to his wife. Ouch…….was my initial reaction. But after that my question was…….Now are we to believe that she discovered this tidbit of information before or after she married one of the most famous athletes of his generation? Do we have to actually go through things to know that they not going to go our way. To acknowledge that the drawbacks, that are so apparent from the outside, are real? I mean……I have never tried crack before but I am pretty sure that it is not a good look for me. And for me to continue on with trying crack, knowing all that I know, I don’t think it is appropriate for me to blame the crack after it destroys my life, when I know the potential for it to do so is there on the front in. Can you see where I am going with this? If the women on the show are constantly complaining about the lifestyle or pro ball players and the women who corrupt the weak men and stomp all over their relationships, I can’t help but ask the question…….Did you not know about all this stuff before you decided to get involved with them? I would never in any way absolve the men in these relationships of their responsibility in such a dysfunctional partnership. Any man who commits himself to a life of fidelity with woman before God should honor his commitment. And while I understand the stresses that men in their positions go through with having to deal with more temptation that the average man has to deal with, I believe that simply using that truth as an open-ended excuse for not having self-control is a cop-out and not fair to woman that they are with. It would make much more sense for these athletes to simply not get married until such time as this temptation is at a more manageable level. A level that is comparable of a more faithful man and something that can actually be handled. But as for the women who are claiming to be victimized on this show, I have a hard time showing them the level of sympathy that they are looking for when they have their crying spotlights at various times on the show. Why would a woman glow over being with a man who is in no position to be faithful to her. In no frame of mind to give her his undivided attention. It is not a blind situation that women walk into with professional athletes. So why the shock and surprise when he does something heinous and without character?
This is the same characteristic that ruins more relationships than just those of professional athletes. People have a tendency to overlook the shortcomings of potential partners because we see a more immediately desirable quality that makes us not see things long-term. A man can be captivated by a woman’s beauty and overlook the fact that she isn’t very bright. He can get caught up into her strong sense of femininity and disregard the fact that she acts entirely too prissy when it comes to getting her hands dirty with picking up a dirty diaper. A guy can literally be so into the fact that a woman seems completely enamored with him that he will not even notice that she has no other life ambitions. And all of these things are immediate pleasures that can cloud the vision of possible long-term incompatibility. Bad Move. So Bad. But the nerve of people like that to complain about thee shortcomings on the back-end is disgusting. Why must you look for someone to blame when people are only being who they have always been? And why are we least like to blame the person most at fault? Ourselves. Who really believes for one second that when Jennifer Williams married her husband, ex-NBAer Eric Williams, he was ever attentive, faithful or totally connected to what she wanted out of the relationship? Maybe he was. Maybe he was Mr. Perfect. Or maybe…just maybe…these guys are just being who they always have been. Maybe he was just being what any young Millionaire, who spends 45 games a year on the road and typically keeps a work pad in an isolated city where his significant other does not live, behaves.
We are liars people. We lie to ourselves to see what we want. To have our way in the immediate future. And when the truths that we try to ignore become too much to ignore we then turn our blame on the person we have decided to be with, which is essentially an act of dishonesty. Being dishonest with ourselves. You cannot fairly fall for an aloof cheater with money and then get mad at him when he has women on the side. That is who he is. Just like men need to stop vilifying women for being too clingy when the fact that she doted over every stupid word that came from your mouth is one of the things you liked about her in the beginning. Why are you complaining buddy? Her ass is still super fat. And that is what you made most important to yourself when you decided to be with her. If people cannot bring themselves to think beyond the instant gratification that bodacious bodies and boisterous bank accounts brings, then I have a hard time having sympathy for your displeasures and disgusts on the back-end. Look beyond the surface when you evaluate people. And know that the superficial exterior can only hide the ugly truth but for so long. The truth, not only about who they are, but about who you are as well.