I do not think that in my lifetime I have dated nearly as many women as I probably should have. I mean that to say that I have at times been entirely to selective and particular about certain things. Now most of those things have been part of my process of evaluating things honestly on the front end so that I don’t wind up getting myself into bad situations on the back-end. And that is the thoughtful part of me. The part that can see right away when I don’t share common values with a woman. Don’t have enough in common to allow us to enjoy each other. Or most importantly, Oprah is her role model! Just kidding……sort of. But I can admit to that part of my thinking. It is the more superficial side of myself that I cringe over and have a hard time acknowledging.
I have at many times in my life tried to shake the idea that I am entirely into looks. It use to bother me a lot because when women said that to me it usually was followed by two criticisms that I absolutely hated. 1. You have a certain look when it comes to girls. She’s gotta have a certain hair length and she must be the right complexion. Now I used to really hate that because I thought is was an unfair characterization that wnot only unfairly based upon one girl that I dated, but also it was more about other folks small-minded opinion of what they were internally harboring as hurtful social stigmas. 2. You act like you can only date Bad Chicks! Now my problem with that statement is that, what person doesn’t want to date someone beautiful? I mean, seriously. If you lined up Flavor Flav, D.L Hugley, and Blair Underwood and asked a woman who she wanted to go out with I am sure that an overwhelming majority would say Blair! That isn’t rocket science. And for me, the same thing applies. Now I have made it my business to never sacrifice personality and substance for beauty but I think the criticisms of me being particular come from the idea that I typically think I should get both. So for that mindset I guess I have been labeled as too picky. And a few years ago my feelings about that criticism were put to the test as I went out on a date with a ThunderCat.
It was one of the many convention weekends here in DC and I was out at a rather quiet spot that seemed to have been the only place in town that did a poor job promoting their party. The place was empty. And while I was just there shooting the breeze with an old college buddy I noticed a couple of women that were checking us out from the other end of the bar. Now, as is typically the case in situations like this, one of the ladies looked noticeably better than the other. And I thought that would be cool because my boy was involved and not trying to be anything other than a wing man in such a situation anyway. So as the two of them walked toward us I just had my mind fixed that I would get the curvy, chocolate beauty and my boy would bat clean up with the other girl who I didn’t even notice beyond being an obsure frame on the other side of the hot chick. But naturally when they got close enough to speak, the woman who I had hoped my boy would occupy immediately stepped forward to ME…not we…and introduced herself and forced me to take notice of her. *Damn!* Which I did. She was pleasant. Light-hearted. Easy going and we shared a few things in common. She was not the looker that her friend was but she definitely was…….attracive…..? I think? It was a dark club and she was neatly put together and seemed full of laughter. Bottom line is that I did not feel slighted for the night when I exchanged numbers with her instead of her friend. So after we exchanged a few emails and got to know each other through a couple of phone conversations, we decided to grab a bite one Saturday afternoon. And this my friends…is where it all changed for me.
I was not expecting her to put on a show for me. I really like when women can look casually cute. Partly because I like to feel comfortable myself. A nice pair of denim. stylish sneaks. Trendy t-shirt. Fresh cut……….Fresh…Cut! Can you see where I am going with this? This woman got in my car looking like a damn ThunderCat! And not in the trendy or stylish sort of way. She got in my car looking like the “I just hopped my ass out the pool” type ThunderCat. It was all I could do not to laugh in her face when she sat down and put her seatbelt on. Her hair was so out of control that I could hardly take her seriously. (For clarity, I like cute natural hairstyles, The operative word being styles. This shit was just a hot mess) I damn near felt disrespected that she felt sooooo confident that she had me in the bag that she could just slide by the “let me impress him” stage right to the “his ass ain’t going nowhere” stage. And from the time she got in my car the date went downhill. I started to notice all types of things that I guess I didn’t see in that dark lounge the week before. All of the sudden she had really huge freckles that looked more like sunspots. Her joyful laugh seemed more obnoxious. Her trendy shoes from the week before had now been traded in for some beat up sneakers! And then it dawned upon me. I was finding things wrong with her because she wasn’t cute. And her personality was not able to balance out my attraction…………………. and honestly as out of control as that Lion’s mane on her head was, she would have needed the healthiest/heaviest personality in the world to balance out that monstrosity.
Was I shallow for not dating Cheetara, the female warrior ThunderCat? Was I out of line for not overlooking her exterior abrasiveness to see the true character within? …………………Hell no I wasn’t! Man you should have seen this girl. I tried! I really tried to not be shallow and desirous of an attractive woman but I just couldn’t do it. I guess my balancing scale of attractiveness to personality broke. Was I being too picky?