I do not even really know how to address this in a fair and balanced sort of way. I am really at a loss. I am trying to wrap my mind around the whole thing in a way that will make me more well-rounded and understanding of a woman’s perspective but I really need help. Some where along the way to a brave new world with progression of thought and liberties, there has come to be a new push for ladies to no longer find it acceptable to take a man’s last name upon marriage. When or why this has become the new trending phenomenon, I do not know but I find it fascinating when I hear some of the explanations for why a lady would even chose to reject this long-standing tradition. I have heard such quips as …..I’ve had my name for my entire life and I don’t have a reason to change it…………I like my name better, It has a much nicer ring to it……..I don’t subscribe to such outdated, male dominated theories of control as though I am his property………..I think it is disrespectful to my father to change it….(Really?)
Now I do not want to be disrespectful to any woman’s opinion when she announces these somewhat……..audacious reasons for not taking a guy’s name, but I just have to ask…….What sort of man is going for this stuff? What do you expect a guy to think about the future of his relationship if upon giving you a ring, which could easily be construed as a sign of ownership, you tell him Thanks! By the way…I’m about to pull a Mrs Whittendale! That said, I would never want a woman to drown her identity in a marriage and I think that it is important to hold onto her name in a hyphenated fashion if she feels that it will help her maintain her presence that she established before being married. But this idea that you just are going to entirely keep your last name………knock that foolishness off. For a guy, that is tantamount to a man coming up with some convoluted sort of reason to not wear his wedding ring. Baby…..I don’t believe in symbols. Baby…..I’m allergic to gold. Baby….I don’t subscribe to such feminist dominated theories of ownership to objectify and control me as a man! No ring for me! I would fully expect a woman to drop a man right there on his head if he came up with such a ridiculous justification for why he won’t wear his ring.
Just as important to a man is his thought in the back of his mind that says, If she is gonna battle me on something like this…what the hell do I have to look forward to? If we are going to argue about this, what happens when it comes to my expectation that she will be a nurturing mother instead of a hands off mother? Is it going to be some sort of enormous hassle to get you to make the rounds for holidays to visit my family? Am I going to have to have a knock down drag out conversation about why I don’t want you hanging out til 3 in the morning on Saturday nights? Not only to me, but to a lot of guys this is obvious stuff. And when we cannot see eye to eye on the obvious, it casts and enormous amount of doubt over our thought process.
Now I would be a real idiot to dismiss a relationship with a woman over a name dispute. That just sounds bad to say. But understand it is about more than the name for men. It is about letting other people know that you have a claim to someone and that they have a claim to you. It is about being able to agree on certain things and it not being a huge situation. It is about knowing that if we have children we will all have the last name as one family unit. Then again…….if a lady has a trouble taking my last name in marriage, it is not a far stretch to think that we may have a problem come birth certificate time with little juniors name as well.
I really need to know women think about this. I need some serious schooling.