I think that it takes a special type of person to really stick with someone through the vow that says, In Sickness and in Health. And as I type this let me amend my wording and say unique instead of special. Because I do not want to speak down upon anyone who does not have that capacity as though the are less than special in their own right. For example…..I am not sure I have it in me to be a nurse. I am very squeamish about blood and I get emotional when I see my loved ones suffer. I certainly commit myself to giving my best in support of loved ones but I just don’t think that I am the best at it. So I guess I am just ordinary in that capacity. But there are some people who are really built for this role. Just like there are some who are not. And I am not certain that I can definitively say that I believe it is a reflection of someones lack of love. And since I am always the type of guy who likes to know what I am walking into I believe that it is essential that people know the bad side of what they are getting into with who they chose to spend their lives with. I try to be upfront about my own personal ailments so that a woman can choose to deal….or not.
I have for pretty much most of my life dealt with headaches. As a child I started to wear glasses in the 2nd grade. And along with that wonderful esteem booster for a 7-year-old, I would have these headaches roughly once every couple of months. Generally thought to be brought on by my astigmatism and not wearing my glasses diligently. As a college student the headaches changed and became more intense. They lasted longer and became a deterrent to my days. Missing class. Ruining afternoons. Having to postpone activities. Finally after college I was diagnosed with Cluster Headaches. An incurable illness that affects less than 3% of the population. Pain described as being more intense than any other measurable sensation by many patients. Lasting sometimes up to 5 hours straight in my own personal experiences. The most distinct part about this ailment for me is that they come in cycles. Many sufferers have different patterns but for me, the headaches come for a period of 2-3 months and occur at least 4-5 days out of the week, usually during the hours of 10AM-2PM. This causes me a lot of trouble with having to endure these pains during important moments at work or other responsibilities that I have during the peak of the day. It can be really unnerving and very difficult for someone to see. I often times strip down naked if I can wherever I am as my temperature spikes, and I writhe in pain like a man changing into a werewolf in one of those old B movies. The only difference is that they can last for hours. And if a woman doesn’t want to deal with something like that……I cannot really be upset with her. I don’t know if it will ever go away. I cannot say definitely that I won’t miss an important date. A time when I am supposed to pick her up or a special program to celebrate her awards at work. I just can’t guarantee that. So I tell women what ails me. Let the know the severity. Let them decide what they want to deal with. Just like I don’t make a secret about the fact that the men in my family have had prostate issues in the later stages of their lives. And that I feel like it is smart for me to prepare myself for the idea that I might one day have the big C.
But recently I have had people tell me that I am divulging too much. That if someone loves you that those things should not matter. And that you cannot control the future! I certainly understand the sentiment of such statements. I think that love is indeed the closest thing in this life without limits. But I also believe that it is only right for someone to divulge these things and give them a fair chance to decide what they want to do. Should I marry a woman, hypothetically, knowing that I cannot give her children and then tell her as we come up short in the baby department? How would I feel marrying a woman who knew she had a slow-growing brain tumor before we married and never told me? To withhold my medical history as though they are KFC recipe secrets just seems wrong to me. What do you all think?