I have a real problem with the usage of the word sexy like it is some sort of mandatory description for all women to hold and embrace as a piece of their worth.  I don’t say that to suggest women don’t have a right to feel sexy.  But it does concern me that being sexy is something that sort of loses it’s luster when it is shared with so many different people.  I want to look sexy for the woman who I am with.  Not the lady who stalks me at the metro station every morning…….  (Let me scratch that.  The truth is that rarely do men look sexy in any capacity since our crude and rough exterior does not really illicit any sexual feelings unless we are naked.  So I better keep all of my examples strictly focused on the ladies.)  Sexy is an adjective.  A word that is used to describe sexual attraction in people.  When people dress in a sexy manner it creates feelings of sexual desire in those who gaze upon them.  And I just feel a little bit uncomfortable with the idea of a woman who I am with, trying to turn on anyone but me.

Now clearly most ladies get that when I say that too them.  I always lay on my point really thick by saying that ” I wouldn’t walk into your house during a book club meeting in my boxer briefs with no shirt on just because I feel like I look sexy”.  Besides…..I don’t need your mother and your Aunt Mildred thinking about me in a sexual context!  Ughhhh…….  But ultimately women will usually just patronize to shut me up.  They ain’t giving up an opportunity to look sexy no matter what sort of caveman mind-set I have.  The just nod at me and say that they are not making an attempt to look sexy, but merely an attempt to look….”CUTE“.  CUTE……I know that word.  The way my grandmother looks when she wears that wool tam in the winter time.  The way my niece and nephew look when they get serious to pose for the camera.  The way little girls look when they wear their first-day-of-school outfit.  Cute……I can accept that.  The only problem is that I get the wool pulled over my eyes by not so effective attempts to pass off sexy as CUTE.

So I decided to run down a few scenarios for things that we need to agree are blatant attempts at trying to be SEXY, that are being fraudulently represented as CUTE.

If the length of your cleavage is greater than the width of your smile……you are trying to be SEXY……not CUTE.

If I can in any way make out the exact language or message of the tattoo that is scribbled across your breasts…….you are trying to be SEXY……not CUTE.

If I can see any part of your underwear, whether it be from the thong that shows from the top or the crotch area that shows from the constantly raising skirt……you are trying to be SEXY……not CUTE.

If you are bending over at the waist instead of the knees, to show off the not so subtle tattoo that covers the small of your back……you are trying to be SEXY……not CUTE.

If you have a pair of low-rise jeans that expose so much of your mid-section that you cannot wear them until you get a full Brazilian wax……you are trying to be SEXY……not CUTE.

If you have a purse full of MAC lip gloss but insist on licking your lips and re-applying the gloss in front of every man in sight  every 10 minutes………….  I think you get the point.

Honorable Mention

*Belly Button rings with those dangling chains

*Applying any sort of shining agent to Breasts

*Showing of the ass crack  ( that’s just flat-out tacky)

I get the idea that women like to feel sexy for themselves.  That is entirely understandable.  It would be the same thing as being a guy who works out because he likes to feel fit.  Likes to see the growth that he gains from long hours in the gym.  The only difference is that when women get sexy, it seems to in general generate a much more unnerving sexual response from the people who notice it.  And it can lead a man to be uncomfortable with the idea that his lady likes to have people lusting for her.

I know that it is entirely too much for me to ask women to save the sexy for their single days or their special someone.  Hold back on the desire to send the guys at work or the local bar into a drooling frenzy.  Women just aren’t trying to hear that.  So I wouldn’t ask that of all women and don’t think it would be taken too kindly for me to tell a grown person how to dress.  But……………………..you better damn well believe that if you gonna roll with JB that either we are gonna have to come to some sort of meeting of the minds, or we are gonna have a parting of the ways!!!!!!!

There can be no real  wonder at all why I am single……

Is there a compromise in here somewhere?