I think that men are simple creatures in what it takes to please us. We can be complex in other ways and even be down right DEEP when it comes to issues that tap into place of passion in our souls. But when it comes to just being down right happy and in a general state of mind, we are fairly basic. This is a list of a few things that really makes a guy smile. Sometimes on the inside. Maybe even on the outside.
1. Be excited to see him. I had a very interesting conversation with a lady who is a close friend of mind and I asked her a general question to just gauge a personal suspicion I had with the way people show their affection for one another. “Hey Mika, would you have a problem giving your boyfriend a hug and a kiss when he comes over to see you?” As a guy I thought this was a simple question with a simple answer. But as Mika quickly schooled me, it wasn’t quite that simple. “What For? I mean, I’m tired. I work. I got stuff to do. And if he is coming over then he is probably going to spend the night anyway so we are gonna get into it later.” I was speechless for about 4.3 seconds. And then the laughter came shooting out of my mouth. Even Mika started to giggle as I explained to her, that in all the time it took her to say all that, a simple gesture of a hug and kiss shared with someone you claim to have feelings for would be so much more well received than some sort of constant questioning of why is this necessary. People like to feel like their presence is meaningful to other people. When your boo comes over again, charge to the door like a loose cocker spaniel and give him a big hug and let him feel your excitement. Much better sign of appreciation than some tickets to se any of the disappointing DC sports teams.
2. Pick up the Check. I once made the mistake of calling a girl on her bluff when she offered to pay the bill for dinner. I got no love when I dropped her off at her place that night. She played that coy, oh let me get it this time game, where she starts to dig around for her credit card for about 15 seconds until I whip out my card and say, thanks but that’s Ok…I will get it. This is only half of what it takes to make a sincere effort. She understood the idea that the gesture would make and impression on me. However, I got the feeling that the gesture was not backed up by any real intentions. Needless to say she didn’t speak to me for a week. Obviously if you have a guy who doesn’t pay a majority of the time when you go out to eat then this may not be a big gesture. But most of the guys that I know pay for meals most of the time. So the next time you go out for a night together, pay for everything. The cab, the movie, the popcorn and the dinner. I think you can figure out the expense of the desert on your own. He may feel a little sensitive about it at first, but let him know that this is a gesture of your appreciation and he can resume picking up the tab tomorrow. But for that night, he can put it on your tab.
3. Be playful! Women can sometimes hurl out the adjective immature to describe guys. And in many cases it is completely justified. A guy who is an adult that consistently shows himself to be unreliable and not diligent enough to take care of important things is immature. But playing in a flag football league and having an X-Box 360 is not a fair measure of his maturity. Those are hobbies! Sure I can agree with you ladies that having a guy that doesn’t want to expand in any way beyond those hobbies to do things that are stimulating for you is immature. But on the flip side, having a lady that always criticizes a guy for going to the gym to play basketball and play online video games with friends as being childish is being somewhat inflexible. Here’s an idea. Buy your boyfriend a nice size water gun and leave it out with a note for him to bring this out to the back of the house. When he shows up, you let his ass have it with your industrial strength, super-sized, super-soaker! Unless he is a total stick in the mud or dressed in his best work suit, he will laugh and have fun chasing you around with his little dime-store water gun. Being playful is something that will usually lift a guy’s appreciation for a woman. Please just make sure that the water-gun fight coincides with your upcoming hair appointment.
4. Concede a point with grace. This is something that men and women need to learn to do. People can get so combative with each other over stupid things. And in most instances it becomes a posturing game for who can win an argument. But the game is never truly won because even in defeat people can sometimes continue a dead-end fight on a broken down point. Or even when they are bested in a battle of facts, instead of conceding gracefully we pout like 10-year-old kids who didn’t get any ice cream. Don’t be afraid to say, I think you are right. I stand corrected. And then share a little praise for how knowledgeable your guy is. Afterall, he is Your guy. Doesn’t it elevate you in a way to be with a guy who knows some stuff? Be proud! He want’s to know that you are proud of him, that’s for sure.
5. Find a sticking point to praise him on. I really hope that women do not take this as ego stroking. That is classifying it in the worst possible terms. Look at it as just doing something to make a man feel good. My grandfather was the man! Legitimately. He was the first black man to receive a Master’s degree in education at a school where two of his children went on to do the same. He was a church deacon. A principal during the days of segregation. He was a community activist as well as a member of a civic organization that his son’s, son-in-laws, nephews and grandsons all joined in his footsteps. (’06!!) So he was legitimately somebody. But as much acclaim as he received in the public eye it paled in comparison to the praise that he received from his family about little things. In addition to the praise that he consistently got from his wife for being a good father. (Sidenote: My grandfather had four children that were all perfectly spaced out boy-girl-boy-girl, and all of them were 2 years apart. We used to tell him how skillful that was to perfectly space out children. To which he would jokingly respond by saying he worked hard to plan it out that way) It was my grandmother’s consistent praise for my grandfather in one specific area all the time that made the sincerity of her feelings shine through. And that sort of reinforcement kept him pushing to be the perfect dad and grand-dad until the day he passed. Come on! You have to see this as more than just ego-stroking.
I really cannot map out anything easier than some of this stuff. It seems that the committment is made not in the actions but in the sentiment of wanting to see someone else be happy. Everyone woman that reads this should at least try #1 the next 3 days that you see your man. If you don’t get some sort of reaction out of him then you can scrap this list. But go all in! And if you do, I can promise you that he will be a happier man for it!