It is inevitable that relationships will have some problems.  We are all human beings and no one is perfect, no matter what our self-aggrandizing egos will tell us.  We all make mistakes and step on toes at some time or another.  I for one have this opinion of myself that tells me that I don’t think that I know it all but……….. I generally know a little bit more than you.  And while that sort of shallow, at times, thinking serves me well in some ways as far as being confident and self-assured, it can make me a real pain in the ass to a woman who decides that she wants to try to put up with me.  But in my true over-confident fashion I have found a way to pat myself on the back in recognizing my short comings.  Something that I think many of us fail to do in relationships.   In relationships you can find yourself raging against the shortcomings of a significant other.  Complaining about this and that.  Pointing out the things that irk you, or the things that you get tired of or even the things that you aren’t going to put up with.  But in those moments of inner focus on our outer annoyances, we give little thought to how imperfect we are.  How much our stupid habits and irrational quirks bother someone else.  How much that stupid noise you make when you scratch your throat makes someone want to barf.  We are too self-consumed to realize that,  Hey…….maybe I’m not perfect.

It is very difficult to maintain relationships with two people who are extremely vocal or extremely aggressive.  Those things don’t compliment each other.  Of course the dynamic is not impossible to make work but it is often times just not the norm.  Especially when it comes to being vocal.  When you have a guy who runs his mouth all the time, if he is fortunate enough to have a lady she is usually more of a listener than a talker.  And when she does talk, she is more thoughtful, direct and deliberate with what he has to say.  And that is what makes a relationship work.  The fact that they are both Ying and Yang.  But what I find with people who are usually the talkers in the relationship is that their vocal tendencies can make them out to be more of the complainers in a relationship.  And they take the fact that a partner is not always talking about their shortcomings as a sign that they don’t have any.   WRONG!

Let me throw out one of my gender biases that I will never give up.  I hate guys who complain about stuff all the time.  Guys who just feel the need to verbalize their emotions in an accusatory manner because they just have to have the world know their feelings.  This is part of the reason why Kanye West irks me so much despite his spectacular music.  A man should control his tongue.  Temper his criticism.  Make his words more impactful by shortening them and saying them with compassion.  I hate to hear men complain about stuff in a way that is not going to improve the situation.  If your girl gets on your nerves over something trivial, EAT THAT!  Tighten up and control yourself.  Don’t react to her blow up with a louder and more aggressive blow up.  Take a second to think about your words and then communicate with her gently in a way that will make your point and not make her defensive.  I know a guy who will argue with his girl over things like why she wears a certain type of stockings or the fact that she always uses the same catch phrases in her speech.  I am not going to act like sometimes, small things don’t annoy me too.  But the question that this dumbass never seems to ask himself is, Do I really want to make a big deal out of this?  Arguing about a woman’s obnoxious personal habits all the time really devalues your words when you want to have a heart to heart about something serious.  Something like encouraging a partner to get in shape or do more professionally or managing spending habits.  Not to mention that it overlooks the fact that his need to always tell the world about his complaints is even more obnoxious!  Like his whining about her attire or her toenail polish is really cool of him and in no way annoying.

I have a saying for all my relationship complainers out there.  Humility…..get some!  Especially you guys.  I know women complain and they should correct that but I just cannot wrap my mind around accepting a guy who complains all day about trivial stuff that a woman does.  Be a man!  Either find ways to communicate with her or bounce.  I seldom curse on this blog, because I believe that such crass forms of communication are part of the denigration of our culture and society as a whole.  But…..Stop Acting Like a Bitch!  Think about your own shortcomings before you run off at the mouth about someone else’s.  Just a simple moment of reflection to think about how many times you jam her car locks by pulling on the handle or how many times you spit on the sidewalk when you are walking with her; or how about when you consistently have to be told to lower your super loud voice when you are talking to someone in the car! 

No one is perfect.  And remember that the next time you feel the need to start complaining.  What sorts of unimportant things do people complain too much about?

@jacksonbracey

jackson.bracey@gmail.com

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