In 2011 the typical standards that people have always used to find someone to date have changed in such drastic ways.  People in this world in general seem to gravitate towards a selfish, self gratifying, me first..second…and third, sort of perspective that you have to be truly careful with who you chose to involve yourself with.  No more are the days of boy meets girl, boy courts girl, happily ever after relevant with the 2011 singles.  People have become so consumed with mining what they can get out of someone that you have to really be on the defensive when people are pressed to show you the image of who they are and not what lies underneath.

Top 3 Things to Evaluate a Man On

Integrity –  This is always the most important quality in a man.  Because whether women realize it or not, Integrity is part of the measure of a true man.  A man with no sense of Integrity will have absolutely no problem making poor or irresponsible decisions when you are not looking over his shoulder to shame him.  I think a lot of women understand this point but the mistake that many make is only evaluating a man’s integrity as it pertains to his direct relationship with you.  Grade him on how he handles himself in scenarios that do not run the risk of negatively affecting you.  Does he behave rudely to people he doesn’t know?  Does he see it as a burden to do something for someone else but always expecting someone to do something for him?  Is he the type who prides himself on being able to get over on someone?  I know it is a good feeling when you are able to bargain with someone for a good deal at the electronics store or car dealership.  But if a guy seems to always come into your house overjoyed because a GUCCI purse and accessories fell off the back of a truck , you cannot just ignore the con man in him because he gave you some of his findings.  While this sort of stuff can work in your favor at some points, it is just a matter of time before that lack of integrity shows itself in a way that directly affects you.    

As a side note, a man with integrity doesn’t run from a committment or responsibility.  That is the kind of guy you need on your team when times get rough.  Both emotionally and financially.

Strong Sense of Reality – This is the most important characteristic that any person can possess.  All people need this.  At some point you have to be a realist and get your head out of the clouds.  Unfortunately there are a lot fo people who have delusions of grandeur in this world.  And I use to call them immature.  However, when you hit 30 years old and you are still using phrases like Balling out of Control, getting tattoos that say Get Rich or Die Trying, and think of a 401k as detriment to your weekend weed money, then I really cannot take you seriously.  I am not telling people don’t follow their dreams.  No matter how unrealistic that they are.  But I do advocate that you follow your dreams as a single person.  Dreams are great.  But in the real world most of them never come to fruition.  And there is not shame in that.  You tried and didn’t quite become a pro-athlete or a rap star or a multi-millionaire Indian hair Importer.  That’s cool.  But when you can’t see the need to move on that becomes a problem.  Because you become consumed with foolishness and lose touch with reality.  Your perspective becomes more and more skewed and you can’t see why people are getting on you for not being a grown up.  Sad sight to see…..  Just make sure you recognize this stuff before you get into a guys rented 745 BMW with the Robb Report magazines on the back seat.  You will see him next week with a beat up Kia Sephia telling you some lame story about how he crashed his last whip and it’s in the shop.

Find some level of attractiveness – Now I bet you didn’t expect to see this on my list.  Seems pretty superficial right?  Well guess what.  People are superficial!  The good thing is that women respond to all sorts of levels of attraction.  When I speak of attraction I am not exclusively saying that a woman should hold out for her ideal physical fantasy.  That is ridiculous.  Plus women are never really satisfied anyway so whether or not a woman dates Brad Pitt or Idris Elba, she is going to find a way to, at least in her mind, upgrade him anyway.  So look at a guy and appreciate his charm.  His walk.  His speech.  All of these things can create a physical spark.  I maintain that if Mike Tyson had a voice like the late night love Dr on your local radio station that he would have been a huge sex symbol in his day.     My sister-in-law told me once that she sort of likes nerdy guys…..  Jackpot for my brother!!  He is a damn encyclopedia of obscure facts.  She thinks that is attractive. 

Attractiveness doesn’t have to be entirely defined by a nice visual package from across a crowded ball room.  But to often women and men can dismiss someone if they do not pass the immediate eye test.  And I understand that.  I would never tell someone to not be mindful of what their kids could potentially look like.  But at the same time you cannot feel a mans charm, hear his voice, or have him impress you with his intellect from across the room. 

Never ignore the idea of having some sort of attraction.  It will hold you together when things aren’t going well.  If you force yourself to adjust to a person that you have no attraction to, then it becomes difficult for you stay connected when the money, or pampering treatment or status that brought you together starts to not be enough.

What are some important qualities that I missed?

@jacksonbracey

jackson.bracey@gmail.com

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