I had a really interesting 4th of July weekend.  I made the trek down to New Orleans to take in the Essence Music Festival.  Despite being a Louisiana native who has been to New Orleans plenty of times, I had never been to EMF.  But it was about what I expected.  The weather was muggy and hot.  Bourbon Street was lively, entertaining and disgusting all at the same time.  And the food!  I had more crawfish than I could handle.  And the beignets at Cafe’ Dumond where well worth the walk each night.  Now that was the good…and the bad.  So you know there must have been a little ugly.  I saw more overweight women with ill fitted maxi-dresses and rompers that I ever want to see in one location at one time in my life ever again.  This is one of the few times that I have been to a social event where the ladies did not look noticeably better than the men.  But the disappointing aspect was to see the lack of grace and class with which so many woman were carrying themselves.  Foul mouths and lewd commentary were the norm.  And I guess that for an event that is sponsored by a magazine that has depicted the elegance and grace of black women for over 40 years, I just hoped for a bit more.  But I quickly got past that and just enjoyed the scene for what it was.  A golden opportunity for me to make some jokes.  But one of the things that became noticeable to the women who were hanging with me on Canal Street was the fact that despite the less than lady like behavior, that these chicks all had a man who was either grabbing her hand to claim her or chasing her down the block!  And then I heard one of the lady’s utter a phrase that I seem to hear more often amongst a more siddity crowd of women who I tend to hang with.  Hoes Stay winning out here!

Now let me clarify a few things off the top.  That statement is not my phrasing.  I have heard some embarrassed ladies make that statement to describe women who do not exhibit traditional lady like qualities and despite that fact seem to have a man on their side.  Also, I don’t use that word siddity as a pejorative.  If I have a daughter one day I will raise her to be somewhat siddity in her image and down to Earth in character.  I have no desire to have a daughter that will in any way be common or referred to as a Cool Ass Bitch.  Cool ass bitches might get a bit more praise in inconsequential settings but Stuck up Bitches get a lot more respect.  Common minded men will call that cool bitch a bitch to her face as if it is acceptable.  They will call my daughter a stuck up bitch behind her back because they know that she has enough respect for herself to know that is wrong.  Not to mention that she will tell her daddy and I will promptly show up on the scene and knock his goddamn dick in the dirt.  And lastly to address the term Hoe and what that describes, I want to be clear.  We did not see a woman get gang-banged on Bourbon street or doing sexual favors in not so dark alleys.  But we did witness a few incidents that could be considered somewhat Hoe-ish behavior.  For instance…..walking up to a guy and licking your lips and then saying…Show me your dick!  Hoe-ish behavior.  Lifting your skirt as you walk by a group of men who are making lewd comments about your posterior to show them your dental floss thong…..Hoe-ish behavior.  It just really caught me off guard for a moment.  I think some people got their dates mixed up and confused Essence with Mardi Gras.  Of course now, when a lady makes that comment about another woman it is usually not because she knows all of her sexual activities or has a true accurate measure of the level of her promiscuity.  But we all assume that when people in our society wear their sexual appetite on their chest like a badge of honor, that they are acting on it as much as possible.  Women even more so than men because a woman can almost always find a willing partner.  So now that we have clarified those details let us move on!  Where were we?  Ahh…yes!  Hoes Stay Winning!

I understand how frustrating it can be for some of the nice, beautiful and respectable young ladies that I know who are open to having a fruitful relationship with a guy but not able to make that right connection.  Sometimes even going long stretches without dates.  Not feeling as appreciated as you would think that your characteristics of intellect and charm would certainly warrant.  I understand that!  Hell we all can feel that way at times.  But that disappointment just becomes illuminated when you see these chicks at Essence having to beat away guys with a stick on Bourbon Street!  But as I heard the ladies let out a reticent giggle and speak those words I glanced around and asked them…..Would you ever even consider being with the guy that she was just with?  Yeah…the guy with the sagging pants, dirty drawers, poor diction and the blonde Wiz  Khalifa patch in the front of his hair.  Of course they wouldn’t.  While I certainly noticed the tacky element of women that were in New Orleans, I have to be clear that there were plenty of sub par guys in the place as well.  Certainly sub par to the women that were hanging with me and my friends.  And maybe even somewhat sub par for some of the women who were giddy and flush from all of their attention.  But sometimes I think that for some women, the attention is all that matters.  The women that I hang with can no doubt get a man at the drop of a hat.  If a man is all that you want, then certainly all of the smart, cute and lady like women can get that.  But it is the standard of wanting something on top of that which separates them from those Hoes who Stay Winning.  Those women do not seem to care that a man presents himself in a mature and respectable manner.  That explains the wife-beater and house shoes that they wear in the lobby of 5 star hotels.  Those women seem totally unconcerned that these men show no level of class in public.  They don’t care that this grown man is hollering up ane down the street to locate his homeboys instead of using the disconnect cell phone in his hand.  If a man is what the most select among classy women want, they can certainly get that.  But the reality is that you are rightfully holding out for a nice man.  No shame in that.  I think nice should be at the very top of everyone’s list.  We have taken that characteristic for granted, while right under our noses people have become more and more cruddy!  But the natural angst that some of my lady friends feel seems to come from the attention.  The attention that is thrown at these other ladies’ feet.  All women like a little attention.  A compliment here and there.  I get it.  But the attention that you see is not the attention that will fulfill you.  At least not from some of these clowns in the street.

I think pop culture does a lot to promote the idea that Hoes Stay Winning.  And that is really too bad.  I am such an anti-pop culture person that it sort of hurts me to see how so many people are subconsciously impacted by the imagery.  It irks the hell out of me when we use pop culture figures to draw relationship comparisons or some semblance of kinship with Evelyn and OchoCinco.  Those people don’t live regular lives.  And furthermore they don’t have the same sense of reality and committment to relationships that ordinary people have.  But we stay talking about Kim and Reggie, Amber and Kanye, Brad and Angelina, Will and Jada and using them as a template for our own reality.  It get’s sick.  I know a lot of women think that Kim, Amber, Angelina and Evelyn are prime examples of  Hoes Who Stay Winning.  Using the term Hoes for the very reason that I previously explained.  But comparing them to your own reality is like me comparing the stress I have to perform in a YMCA basketball league to the pressure that Lebron James feels in the NBA finals.  It is not even a comparison worth mentioning.  Those women fall in and out of relationships like normal people change clothes.  And because so much of their relationships are tied into their professions, fame and future earnings, they become tainted by all sorts of outside influences that are counter-productive to what normal people want.  So in essence, those Hoes Ain’t WinningThem Hoes Stay Working!

I want all my lady friends who are nice and respectable to stay just the way they are.  I want them all to have nice guys.  I want them to all feel flattered and appreciated.  And I will tell them that as much as I can.  I just want them all to know that if winning to you means just having a man then I think all of you can win numerous times over.  But honestly, you need to know that Hoes Ain’t Winning.  They are just picking up the scraps that most of you will not ever tolerate being with.  And I do not mean that in the, your standards are too high, sort of way.  I mean that in the , don’t compromise on common decency, sort of way. I know the attention can be nice, but it can’t sustain you when you realize that the clown who has been showering you with praise is still just a clown…..