I have never made it a secret that I like slim women.  I hate to use the word preference because to me  that word seems to imply some sort of conscious effort to go after certain things.  And that is generally not my circumstance.  But when a woman has slender extremities, slender neck line or any of those typical Olive Oil features to go with a pretty smile I usually notice.  Just like I notice that I tend to gravitate to women who wear glasses and women who wear short haircuts.  And I being a tragic mullato on some levels, being darker than me is somewhat of a distinct feature that attracts me.  However I am proudly not married to any of these unconscious characteristics to a point where I have not dated outside of that narrow scope.  But growing up with a mommy who was thin and regal with slender extremities has no doubt had an effect on what I view as beautiful.  Just like I notice women who are smart and a bit combative……just like my momma.

But identifying a certain predilection does not exclude me from having a huge appreciation for thicker women.  Seeing a woman with curves is a fascinating thing for a man.  He is captivated by it and curious as to where all this scrumptious juiciness is coming from.  What it feels like and how do you make it move so enticingly.  This is why men can at times be so mesmerized by a woman’s figure even when she looks like a borderline hyena in the face.  Her frame is so amazing to men that our normal standard of respectable behavior goes out the window.  Think about it?  If a person bumps into someone attractive from the neck up you look them in the eyes.  But if you meet a woman or even a man who has a jacked up grill then you immediately size up their body.  It is just a lot easier for a man to notice that a woman is stacked through her clothes than it is for a woman to notice if a man is hung like a horse.  Or if he has an ass that you can bounce a quarter off of.  Don’t be put off if a man stares at your ass on the street.  Correct him but don’t hate him.  Because on some levels it is no different than a guy staring you in your face when you walk by. He is just noticing your beauty from a different perspective!  (Did I just try to justify ogling a woman?) 

However there comes a point that I find myself having to make some more difficult decisions about how I move forward with women of varying sizes.  And I am afraid that this is where the shallow side of me comes out.  I have become more conscious of my shape and weight as I have gotten older because I know that my metabolism is falling like cinder block in the ocean and I my health is of the utmost importance to me.  Plus I do not want to spend a bunch of money on tailoring my suits as my waist expands.  And the same simple logic that I apply to my own life applies to how I see other people.  People see a super thick, dynamite stacked brick house and lust after that body.  But people also think about where that body will be in a few years.  And that may not be as good of a look in 2017 as it is in 2011.  With the rise in hypertension, heart disease, diabetes and high-cholesterol in black men, is a woman wrong to encourage me to be more fit?  Is she wrong to tell me to stop buying new pants and try to work on fitting into the ones that I have outgrown?  Or should I say outgained, because I am not getting any taller.  Women are not as superficially visual as guys but it cannot be a beautiful experience for her to have to endure my fat belly laying on top of her, breathing like darth vader, when she can recall a time when I was much more fit.  I get it.  And guys as well try to mentally project how a woman will look post-pregnancy and whether or not she is one baby away from being that chick that I would have never looked at before we got together.  I cringe as I say that too women but it is a real part of life.  Men like to be physically stimulated by the woman that they love.  It is not all that attracts us but it is a vital part.  For both men and women, if you have ever been thin and gained an excessive amount of weight, it is indeed a turnoff to the person you are dating.  They may not tell you this because of how much it will affect you on a personal level but believe me it is not a good look.  And if you have the nerve to actually ask someone if they think you are fat or getting fat……then I really think that you already have your answer depite what they may say with your feelings in mind.

I really wrote this post to speak to how important it is that people get healthy and fit in a way that personally improves your health and externally keeps you attractive to the one you love.  And not super fit like some sort of video vixen, but just not totally unrecognizeable to the person that you have been daitng from 4 pants sizes ago.  My blogger friend at lionessrising.wordpress.com brought up this discussion about the difference between curvy & thick and from a man’s shallow perspective we are always keenly aware of the line that separates the two.  I think it was a shallow man who made up that old saying about someone being just one pastry away from being fat.  Shamefully in making those assessments they forgot to look down and notice their beer belly in the process, because women are just as entitled to question a man’s personal health and commitment to fitness.

What do you think?  Is it appropriate to project is someone’s sexy curves or manly thickness of today will turn out to be blubbery skin in 5 years?  Or is unreasonable…or even shallow to be at all concerned with such things.

@jacksonbracey

jackson.bracey@gmail.com

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