I have never made it a secret that I like slim women. I hate to use the word preference because to me that word seems to
imply some sort of conscious effort to go after certain things. And that is generally not my circumstance. But when a woman has slender extremities, slender neck line or any of those typical Olive Oil features to go with a pretty smile I usually notice. Just like I notice that I tend to gravitate to women who wear glasses and women who wear short haircuts. And I being a tragic mullato on some levels, being darker than me is somewhat of a distinct feature that attracts me. However I am proudly not married to any of these unconscious characteristics to a point where I have not dated outside of that narrow scope. But growing up with a mommy who was thin and regal with slender extremities has no doubt had an effect on what I view as beautiful. Just like I notice women who are smart and a bit combative……just like my momma.
But identifying a certain predilection does not exclude me from having a huge appreciation for thicker women. Seeing a woman with curves is a fascinating thing for a man. He is captivated by it and curious as to where all this scrumptious juiciness is coming from. What it feels like and how do you make it move so enticingly. This is why men can at times be so mesmerized by a woman’s figure even when she looks like a borderline hyena in the face. Her frame is so amazing to men that our normal standard of respectable behavior goes out the window. Think about it? If a person bumps into someone attractive from the neck up you look them in the eyes. But if you meet a woman or even a man who has a jacked up grill then you immediately size up their body. It is just a lot easier for a man to notice that a woman is stacked through her clothes than it is for a woman to notice if a man is hung like a horse. Or if he has an ass that you can bounce a quarter off of. Don’t be put off if a man stares at your ass on the street. Correct him but don’t hate him. Because on some levels it is no different than a guy staring you in your face when you walk by. He is just noticing your beauty from a different perspective! (Did I just try to justify ogling a woman?)
However there comes a point that I find myself having to make some more 
difficult decisions about how I move forward with women of varying sizes. And I am afraid that this is where the shallow side of me comes out. I have become more conscious of my shape and weight as I have gotten older because I know that my metabolism is falling like cinder block in the ocean and I my health is of the utmost importance to me. Plus I do not want to spend a bunch of money on tailoring my suits as my waist expands. And the same simple logic that I apply to my own life applies to how I see other people. People see a super thick, dynamite stacked brick house and lust after that body. But people also think about where that body will be in a few years. And that may not be as good of a look in 2017 as it is in 2011. With the rise in hypertension, heart disease, diabetes and high-cholesterol in black men, is a woman wrong to encourage me to be more fit? Is she wrong to tell me to stop buying new pants and try to work on fitting into the ones that I have outgrown? Or should I say outgained, because I am not getting any taller. Women are not as superficially visual as guys but it cannot be a beautiful experience for her to have to endure my fat belly laying on top of her, breathing like darth vader, when she can recall a time when I was much more fit. I get it. And guys as well try to mentally project how a woman will look post-pregnancy and whether or not she is one baby away from being that chick that I would have never looked at before we got together. I cringe as I say that too women but it is a real part of life. Men like to be physically stimulated by the woman that they love. It is not all that attracts us but it is a vital part. For both men and women, if you have ever been thin and gained an excessive amount of weight, it is indeed a turnoff to the person you are dating. They may not tell you this because of how much it will affect you on a personal level but believe me it is not a good look. And if you have the nerve to actually ask someone if they think you are fat or getting fat……then I really think that you already have your answer depite what they may say with your feelings in mind.
I really wrote this post to speak to how important it is that people get healthy and fit in a way that personally improves your health and externally keeps you attractive to the one you love. And not super fit like some sort of video vixen, but just not totally unrecognizeable to the person that you have been daitng from 4 pants sizes ago. My blogger friend at lionessrising.wordpress.com brought up this discussion about the difference between curvy & thick and from a man’s shallow perspective we are always keenly aware of the line that separates the two. I think it was a shallow man who made up that old saying about someone being just one pastry away from being fat. Shamefully in making those assessments they forgot to look down and notice their beer belly in the process, because women are just as entitled to question a man’s personal health and commitment to fitness.
What do you think? Is it appropriate to project is someone’s sexy curves or manly thickness of today will turn out to be blubbery skin in 5 years? Or is unreasonable…or even shallow to be at all concerned with such things.
@jacksonbracey
The Reasonable Bachelor 
Well. Hmm..being that I am a pretty thick, Southern girl. I’ve been told I was “heavy set” by one dude and “just fine” bu the next. This leads me to believe that ninjas is schizo when it comes to what the FUCK they want. Imma get healthy, Keep being healthy. But I’m always gonna be a curvy, thicker woman. Im gonna eat fried chicken just like Imma eat a salad. Regardless..Imma EAT. And I am not sure if it is hurting my dating lifr or not..at this point..*sigh* I give up. Cause you all THINK you know what you want..but you don’t…I dont even care. I’m tired of trying to fit into some MOLD just to be attractive to some dude. PS: Can you make your text box WHITE> I cant see what I am typing.
Excellent article. I believe health and fitness are important and both the man and woman should be aware of it in their relationships. If you want me to be the bad ass fly broad on your arm, then you need to work out and keep you beer belly down as well. I think its okay to care what your mate looks like, shit they represent you as much as themselves and the same thing that attracted you to them should be upheld.
I’m a woman that has never been thin but I’ve always been active and healthy. Up until recently I have been on what seems like a life long diet trying to be thinner to no avail. I have two sisters who were both very thin growing up and one is now obese and the other is still thin but not the healthiest. I say that to say that I don’t think there is really a way to tell what a person will look like in five years. I do feel it’s unfair for a person to let themselves go . But you just never know. Sometimes the thin person gets fat. I’ve never been a small woman and probably never will be but I exercise, I eat right most of the time, I’m pretty, and I’m smart. But as a woman I’m tired of killing myself to look like what others deem as beautiful or healthy. Besides, I know some skinny women who are very unhealthy and couldn’t run a lap if there life depended on it.
Great Comment! I do not believe that women should try to meet some unrealistic standard either. Especially women because it becomes more difficult for women to pick up some sort of rigorous hobby as they get older if they did not grow up running and jumping around as children the way that boys tend to. But, it is a reality that guys think about. Men in my opinion should be fit. Not Adonis but fit. I hold the measurng stick a little bit harder to men than I do to women.
I think it’s kind of an unspoken understanding among both men and women that maintaining an image that is both attractive to the person that you’re with AND one that you yourself are comfortable with is very important. Thing is, for most couples, during the initial phases of a relationship, those two things are in sync. I think it’s when those two things unexpectedly become out of sync later on down the line that problems arise and your relationship begins to pay the price for it (i.e. you think you look great and he/she doesn’t OR he/she thinks you look great but you don’t.) As you pointed out, whether it’s a shallow way of thinking or not, at the end of the day, it’s still a reality that physical appearance and body image have a lot to do with people staying attracted to one another over a long period of time, especially well into long-term relationships or marriages where your significant other is ultimately supposed to be relatively superior to all others in your eyes to the point where you’d want to make a lifelong commitment. But, I do think that it takes a lot for both men and women to either A) step up and admit when it’s you that’s the problem and try to work towards changing it OR B) identify when you’re NOT the problem and move on from that unhealthy (unintended pun) situation because, really, who wants to admit that they’ve gained a pound too many OR that they’re being unrealistically shallow? I think with this issue, pride gets in the way when it shouldn’t and incorrectly assigning the role of the “victim” OR the “problem” can take a huge toll on your relationship.
I don’t know that the dynamic could have been explained any better!
If there was a “like” button..rnic would DEFINITELY get a vote from me!
I am thicker than you
cool