It is 2012 and we are still consumed with the State of the Celebrity relationship.  I would have thought that by now we would be more firmly rooted in the reality of the relationships that we are surrounded by in the physical form as oppose to the fairy tale images that we place so much stock in as we are personally invested in the lives of a bunch of celbrity people who care nothing about any of us.  But hey!  This is America and an unhealthy consumption of celebrity relationships and gossip is what passes the day at work and what makes our grocery check out lines move so slowly.  Essential aspects of modern day Americana.  So I decided to succumb to the shameful obsessions that we all have with celbrity relationships…….  No matter how fake, fraudulent or unrelated to the reality of normal peoples realtionships.  Ok…..I am officially a sellout

Tom Brady & Gisselle Bunchden

Recently Gisselle was caught on tape defending her man after a tough Super Bowl loss.  Stating that her husband cannot throw the ball and catch it as well!  That his receivers have to do their job.  This little comment that was caught on some antagonizing fans cell phone has burned up the internet and drummed up the controversy that has serve as a lead in for SportsCenter for a the last few nights.  Gisselle broke one of the cardinal rules in team sports.  Do not publicly throw your teammates under the bus.  This never works out well.  It creates dissent amongst men and causes a lot of distrust.  Two things you cannot have on a football team.  But on the flip side I am going to bang my gavel and say, NOT GUILY to Gisselle.  That is nothing different than anything that my Mother, My sister or my Madea or any other woman who loved me would have said if someone were running around trying to trash me.  She was simply standing up for her man.  We all know Tom didn’t play a great game but Kudos to her for sticking up for him.  I am sure that he can explain it to his teammates next season and make it all work out.

This relationship moment gets 4.5/5 stars!

Jay-Z/Beyonce

Well, the day is finally hear and the world is in a better place knowing that the Carters now officially have a child.  The most anticipated emergence of a child since they pulled baby Jessica out of that well back in 1987.  I admire the music that these two produce but on a personal level there is not really a lot to love or hate them for other than people’s speculations and rumors.  They do an excellent job of keeping their relationship private (Minus Jay mentioning a miscarriage in a new record) and presenting an image of happiness to the world even when they are not together.  I like this couple because I don’t know a whole lot about them.  They are concerned about privacy and the impact that invading that privacy can have on their future.  I do not believe in celebrity love but I applaud the way that these two go at it.

4/5 stars for not selling out the most intimate moments of there lives for celebrity gain.

Kris and Kim

Speaking of selling your soul for celebrity gain……..  I have no sympathy for either of these two.  And for those of you who watch that show with the intention of gaining any sort of real insight into their lives, I say……get a hobby.  I do not know what is more sickening about our attachment to the Kardashians.  The fact that we really want to know about them or the fact that we actually believe the stuff that they try to tell us.  At this point I would not be surprised if the stupid/ditsy behavior that they put on is just an act and that these girls have the IQ of Rhode Scholars.  That is just an illustration of how much everything about them seems to be manufactured for Reality TV.  As for the “marriage” I do not believe that there is anything that can be said that would concretely speak to any blame on either participant.  We are either going to believe that she was that confused or he was just that naive.  Either way it seems like a stretch.  They both capitalized on peoples sick curiosity to make money.  The shameful part is that because our culture has become so reality TV obsessed, we mark their failure as some how a sign of the tim`es for what is in store for real people.  That’s just pure Horse Shit.

0/5 stars for the relationship.  5/5 for the business nerve that it takes to fake a realtionship for monitary purposes.

Will and Jada

This year has been swarmed with rumors of their break up and the end of what many people once thought of as some sort of Black Hollywood royalty couple.  Here is what we know.  Everyone likes Will Smith.  You do not stay famous in Hollywood for over 20 years without putting some measure of strain on your personal life.  It is tough to maintain a relationship through a profession that is so demanding of your time.  And like I always say, these people do not live ordinary lives.  So ordinary rules do not apply to them in many instances.  So these rumors about infidelity, wife swapping and scientology have never really been strange to me because I think that Hollywood people are already weird.  You just have to hope that they can do what is best for their kids.

I still give Will and Jada 3/5 despite the alleged seperation and impending divorce.  The over the top PDA through most of their relationship has been quite corny but I give them credit for sticking it out this long.

Kobe & Vanessa Brayant

Word on the street is that Kobe lost close to 80 million in the divorce settlement with his ex wife Vanessa Bryant.  I want to officially go on record and say that no person is worth that sort of money in any divorce settlement.  Man or Woman.  I would say the same if we were talking about Vannessa being worth 200 million and Kobe being the arm candy that sits at the game.  I do believe that he owes her the lifestyle that she has been made accustommed to.  However I just do not believe that it takes half of his wealth and earnings to do that.  All that said……  What a dumbass Kobe.  A dumbass for getting caught cheating on her and then continuing to do so.  For asking her forgiveness after the embarassment of Colorado and them getting on the other side of that issue only to get caught with other chicks.  But even more so a dumbass for not listening to your father.  Your mentors.  Michael Jordan.  Magic Johnson.  Coaches and even your beloved mother.  Everyone told you not to marry that young lady at such a young age.  But your stubbornness wouldn’t allow you to take advice from people who knew better than you.  Look where it got you.  I want to say much respect for Vanessa for sticking it out and working with Kobe after the rape accustations.  But I say that after hearing of the suspicions that she only stayed with him longer to make it to a 10 year threshhold that allowed her to all but garauntee a larger settlement.  I would really much rather think of her as a patient woman who gave her marriage her all as oppose to a scheming bird who was always in it for the money.

1/5 Stars.  They always looked really awkward together in the first place.  Maybe its becasue Kobe is always making that silly game face.

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