I am smart.  I am handsome.  I am upwardly mobile and I am a strong, character lead, dignified man with a lively sarcastic sense of humor!  If girls don’t like me it is clearly because they are stupid.   **exhale**  Wow!  That was really easy.  Easy and self-assuring.  I just told every woman that I am the shit and to not like me means that there is something wrong with them.  Man I feel great!  But as I think ahead, this isn’t going to make those women like me any more.  As a matter of fact it might just come off as a little obnoxious.  But I was being honest about myself right?  I am all of those things.  I deserve the best right………?

People have a way of living exclusively in their own perspective.  Thinking the best of themselves at all times.  Wrapping themselves in the comfortable protective blanket of self assuring commentary and aggrandizement.  And we should all love ourselves.  Being confident and knowing that you are worthy of good company is not a bad thing.  But at what point does speaking your worth turn in to just blowing a lot of hot air?  At what point does all of this self-flattery turn into me filling my head with a bunch of BS that makes it hard for me to see what other people see in me.  Which is not just the cool stuff but the obnoxious stuff.  Like the way I go off on self-righteous rants about things that I am passionate about.  Or how about my inability to always focus on the thousands of thoughts that run through my brain on any given day.  Or the fact that I am not nearly as handsome as my grandmother makes it seem.  I cannot even begin to think of how you draw a distinction between the two states.  But what I know is that drifting too far away from balance is a problem. 

I have to know what makes not only me think highly of me, but what other people think makes me a nice person.  And remember to hold on to those things as well as the things that I like.  If women like me for being polite and respectful, I cannot rest my hat on the fact that I THINK I am witty and handsome.  Maybe women don’t like that about me.  And I am living in this delusional world where I believe I am a combination of Lance Gross/Kevin Hart!  I am playing myself.  Because by thinking so highly of me, I get defensive when women do not respond to what I think they should respond to.   I start to internalize thoughts like, She is crazy if she thinks she can do better than this!  Or I can tell by the way she is looking at me that she wants me.  Or she must be some sort fo dry stick in the mud if she didn’t think that was funny!  I need to be selling what the ladies are buying.  And if that is not what they want then that shouldn’t be what I am promoting about myself.

I would never suggest that a guy not be himself around people to get a lady to like him.  Not advocating for any level of phony behavior over here.  But……I will say that……at some point change should not be looked at as an admission of a glaring deficiency, but just and opportunity to grow and be better.  It might do a guy some good to put down the Xbox controller and expose himself to something that is a little bit more cultured.  It might do him some good to be neater and more meticulous about the way you keep your house.  It might do him some good to start watching what he eats and managing his health in a more proactive manner.  And these sorts of changes should be viewed as more a sign of growth than altering yourself to be what someone wants you to be.  Guys shouldn’t abandon their video games, or stop eating pizza with their friends or become some super neat freak.  But waiting around to find the perfect woman who entirely likes the exact same things about the way that you have been living your life is kind of far-fetched.  Unless you want to date another guy………  Whatever floats your boat!  Let’s be practical here.  There are not a lot of women out there that are sloppy gamers who sit around in their shorts all day playing Final Fantasy and Madden Football ordering takeout and leaving stale boxes all over the coffee table.  And as heavenly as that might sound to some guys, most girls just don’t dig it. 

Make yourself attractive to women based on what they are attracted to and based on what things you have interest in.  As a guy you may not like the theater or the ballet.  But I am sure that you can stomach taking in a museum on occasion.  You would be surprised what you find in museums that may peak your interests.  especially in DC.  As a lady you may not be into video games and freezing cold football games, but there are some very stimulating conversations that happen between men in Sports Bars after work.  Conversations can range from Mayweather vs. Paquiao to Oscar speeches!  We are all better for having new experiences.  Whether we enjoy them or detest them.  Whether we repeat them or discard them.  We all grow a bit through them.

Now I realize that a majority of my readers are women.  A fact that I am desperately trying to change.  But with the examples that I gave I think that the point holds true for women as well.  We all need to get to know our true selling points and not just think of ourselves as a good catch because we have a job or someone told us we were cute.  If you don’t know what’s great about you, how can yo expect someone else to see it?

Do we sell the wrong things about ourselves to prospective mates?

Jackson.Bracey@gmail.com

@jacksonbracey

Advertisements