Trey Songz hit the nail on the head with this one. I had been hearing the song on the radio for sometime before I actually saw the video and the illustration was pretty amazing.  He summed up I think the sentiment that a lot of men have as they start to separate between physical gratification and the sort of emotional connection that feeds a man’s soul and direction  for a lifetime.  But just as important, the video director accurately captured the difference in how those sort of relationships start off.  And some of the key triggers that can send a brief encounter to the left or to the right of that very often traveled fork in the road of relationships.

Women can be in a really tough position with men sometimes.  Especially when it comes to capturing their attention.  It is important that we understand that we don’t always speak the same language when it comes to attraction and that can sometimes send us crossing signals.  For example Sometimes women will string together some words that they consider to be synonymous with something that guys “should” find appealing.  Ladies have a tendency to feel like Sexy is the same thing as Beautiful or Glamorous.  In lady speak that is all good.  But in guy speak, interjecting that 4-letter word can be a death sentence to all things of substance moving ahead in a relationship.  Sexy means, according to Websters Dictionary, Sexually Suggestive or Stimulating.  Now this is without a doubt the definition that all men apply when they hear this word or encounter this adjective in the women they deal with socially.  When a woman is dressed in a provocative way that may show off some of her beautiful lovely lady lumps, these things arouse a man almost immediately.  And we just assume that such a reaction is your intention.  So when the blood in our body rushes to our loins because you have you skirt hiked up high enough to give me a peek at your panties, it is highly unlikely that I see you as anything other than a sexual object.  You have aroused me sexually by showing me that part of yourself.  The video illustrated some subtle cues that speak to the sort of dynamic I am talking about.  For the purpose of just comparing the two ladies, and how the circumstance plays out for them both, we will call one woman Sex and the other women Love.  In the opening scene you notice right away that Sex is showing a lot more cleavage than Love.  Cleavage represents the single most captivating part of a woman’s body for a man.  It is the most easily distinguishable feature between men and women.  We see it, we stare at it.  On top of that, the very critical moment of eye contact is met with a different sort of signal.  When Love looks at Trey Songz she smiles a very inviting, bright, and wholesome sort of smile.  Sex looks at him with this look of hunger as if he is a pork chop and she is a starving Somalian.  One woman is inviting him to conversation and the other is inviting him to a nite cap!  And then the third signal that the director incorporated that is very subtle but very critical, was the conversation banter and contact.  Guys do this all the time to women and this woman played the role perfectly in the video.  Ladies have you ever had a guy walk past you through a crowded club and place his hand on your waist, arm, elbow, shoulder, ass or any other region that he can get his hands on just to excuse himself to get by you?  Well of course you have.  This is the “Cheap Feel” manuever.  Guys do this to create some sort of moment of connection with you.  A chance for you to notice him.  Now he plays it as him being suave and gentlemanly but he really wants you to look at him and feel his physical energy and measure if it does anything too you.  You don’t really think that he had to grab your waist with both hands to slide past you in the club do you?  Of course you know better.  Well in the video you notice that Sex is being very forward with Trey when she speaks to him.  She keeps touching him and leaning into his neck so that he can feel the energy that she is giving off.  Her body language is screaming something much more than getting to know you.  On the other hand, Love is showing her interest by looking at him in the face, smiling at him in a very normal , non-suggestive way, and talking to him without burying her nose into his neck.  As a result of the way that the two women are presented to the man of their interest, you see the difference in how the situations grow. 

Now I am sure that some of my readers of the fairer sex will think that this is an over-analyzation of the situations.  And no doubt some will refute what I am explaining as cues that guys pick up on.  And honestly I can see why you say that.  I could never convince a woman to not show her body to a man.  The simple truth is that a lot of guys respond to that.  My point is that all attention is not good attention.  I would always emplore a beautiful classmate of mine to just try to switch up her attire when she was out socially because I think that it would make a difference in the type of reaction that she would receive when she was out on the town.  She was such a beautiful girl with an awesome frame with this flawless skin the color of dark chocolate.  But everytime she went out the twins were on display and he flat ab, mid-drift was out for all to see.  She would always complain to me that the guys she would meet were only out for sex.  And I begged her to see that she was showing all the sexual parts of herself that men love.  She was not exactly putting her mind and spirit on display.  And her reply was always the same.  Shut up Jackson!  You know guys like it when I dress like this.  Guys go for that.  And she was right.  We do.  We go for it, and expect to take it straight to the hotel.

It is so extremely difficult for a woman to display herself as girlfriend material amongst other women who are displaying themselves as, let’s get it on, material.  To be that understated beauty in a nite club amongst the women who are coming off as the Kim K sex kitten is a tough environment if you want to meet a guy.  And ladies just enjoy getting dolled up in that way.  They see each other as glamorous and beautiful.  And they are certainly valid to see it that way.  Just don’t expect a guy to see you as beautiful when you are triggering all of his sexual responses.  It can be tough for a woman to fight the urge to be what she considers beautuful and what a man considers sexually available.  But what I know is this.  There is no sense in any of us fooling ourselves.  Sex trumps all.  It can cloud our judgment and imbalance our thinking.  And guys should be aware of that when they immediately respond to a woman who has the girls all glittered up and on display,  maybe that decoration truly isn’t for you.  And ladies should be aware that you can’t dangle sweet delectable treats in front of a man with a sweet tooth and expect him to still want to eat his vegetables…………….  God, that was such a lame food analogy.  But I think you get the point.

Jackson.Bracey@gmail.com

@jacksonbracey

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