In this edition of Friday night scuffles we have on display the ever-growing phenomenon of chick fights. I think on occasion women have always had a temperament that would lead them to a little scuffle every now and then. But around 2002 maybe 03, the belligerent meter got turned all the way up! So it is not too uncommon now a days for me to see a couple of women get it poppin on a Friday night in DC. Nothing super heinous for the most part, but general foolishness nonetheless. When alcohol and keeping it real go wrong is always the theme of the night.
So I am in this spot uptown that I like to frequent when it is really late and I am long overdue for a bite to eat. This burger joint called Black and Orange Grilling Comp always serves me well, after I am leaving a party or a friend’s house or whatever. Open til 4 AM, high quality burgers, cool space to chill before the sun comes up. But those same things that make it super cool for me also seem to make it a haven for drunk people who are highly likely to do some dumb shit before they go home for the night.
So I am with a group of women this cool evening around 1 AM. I met them at this guys house and they all seemed to want to chat me up for whatever reason. But after a while I was getting drowsy and I really needed to eat like 4 hours ago so I told them my plan to grab a quick bite and head home. They, being familiar with Black and Orange, were eager to follow me over there and I was totally cool with that. I liked them all! Not in a take you home or I am gonna call you to go out tomorrow sort of way, but more like in a good company, you’re a hilarious drunk, I would rather not eat alone sort of way. So we all hop in separate whips and head over and meet up in about 20 minutes.
Mind you these fine respectable young beauties have been hitting the sauce since about 4 pm according to them. One girl tried to grab my ass when she first met me and the other tried to grab me someplace else a half a second later. (Amazes me that all my life I have been taught not to objectify women like that, but women do it with such child-like laughter and innocence. I really don’t know if I am complaining when I say that or just making the point. Does that make me gross?) The other one said a few flirty things and the sober one just kept giving them all the SMH embarrassment face. So I do what I always do in situations like this. Play it cool and nonchalantly deflect attention. I just order my burger, have a seat and wait for them to call my number. But while I was doing that, this playful group of beauties seemed to have rubbed some other lady the wrong way. So from a about 20 feet away I see some crowding around and hear a couple of raised voices and a few indiscriminate “Bitches” rang out in everyone’s ears. I glance over and see that these girls are on the verge of banging out some lady who is about the closest thing I have seen to a female Tommy Hearns clone. Tall, rangy and a face that looks like it has been through some things. So as I am watching this whole thing unfold from my seat, (you didn’t really think I got involved did you) I can’t help but notice that this lady has a man who is with her, who I later found out was her boyfriend. And as I focus on him I can see the confusion, embarrassment and disgust in his face. And I thought to myself, damn…..I know that look. It is the same look my college roommate’s girlfriend gave him once when we were in school and he got pissy drunk at a party and threw up all over the place after challenging some guy to a fight. And here I am over a decade later watching this guy give his lady the same look.
I felt badly for this guy for a split second. He was perplexed in a way that no one should be on an early Saturday morning after a great night of partying. No one wants that sort of heavy contemplation after a night of drinking! But what was the right thing to do? Do you try to step in the middle of both parties and risk offending your lady who automatically expects you to take her side and chime into the argument? Do you impose yourself and your masculine presence on the situation by intimidating three girls and risk having a physical altercation that lands you on WorldStarHipHop.com? Or do you restrain your lady and pull her out of the restaurant only to have her be infuriated with you for putting your hands on her like that in an aggressive manner? How do you win in these situations?
Date someone with something to lose. That puts and end to all of this foolishness. If there is one thing that I try to do is always involve myself with women who have something to lose by being an ass. With me or just in general. Oh….and they must be able to identify that they have something to lose. Very Critical. That will in general take care of a lot of stuff that frankly is beneath sensible people to deal with. Think about it. If someone has something to lose they are less likely to erupt into some juvenile outburst at Target over someone cutting in front of them in the popcorn line. For instance, I have a government security clearance, so if I punch a guy in the mouth I am doing it to defend myself. Not so show someone that I am the toughest guy in the room. If a woman doesn’t have anything to deter her from popping off then she just isn’t the girl for me. Women with law licenses, teaching certificates, good self-confidence, young people who look up to them or parents that they do not want to disappoint have a tendency to put the Evelyn Lozado attitude on pause when things start to get tense. Anyone who just feels good about saying things like, You Ain’t About That Life, See Me With the Hands, You Don’t Want Any of This is probably someone who does not recognize that they have something to lose and thusly when they get angry they let loose! And notice I keep phrasing this as people who recognize that they have something to lose. I have to say that because some people really don’t. We all have a couple of friends or at least acquaintances that don’t recognize that their Keep It Real behavior can truly cost them their livelihood. ****True Story. Back in the days when my dad was cutting his teeth in education as a Jr. High School Principal, he had a colleague who was also a principal who had a reputation as being confrontational with teachers, students and parents alike that also worked in the district. He clearly didn’t recognize what he had to lose by acting a fool because he was constantly in physical scuffles with PTA members, parents and even a couple of kids! So he is a prime example of the type of person to avoid socially……….. (BTW, his wife was crazy as hell too. They were in the paper often for public fighting and they would divorce and re-marry every couple of years and tell people it was for tax reasons)**** Now I don’t want to give the impression that I would not defend myself or a woman who I was with when i am out socially. But I have to say that I am soooooo cool on instigating things with people or antagonizing drunk people. With that said let me put out this public service announcement. Most people have a 1-2. Well Jackson Bracey has a mean 1-2-3. That is two left jabs to your face, (oh so accurate) and a mean right that is more Tyson than Mayweather. When you se me in the street don’t get beside yourself.
All in all the fight did not pop off. The girls somehow managed to tone down the discussion and walk away. But I’ll be damned if the girls I was with didn’t start talking out-of-pocket about the girl after everything was diffused. And saying things in EARSHOT of the female Tommy Hearns!!!! Man, I just knew it was about to be on and poppin right on the table, where I was trying to just scarf down my burger as quickly as possible. Luckily Thomasina Hearns was looking a little out of it and ultimately her boyfriend had to escort her out as they left as she looked to be feeling the fatigue of some alcohol.
So I lucked out! Didn’t have to duck under a table to avoid any vicious lady collisions. But it definitely reinforced for me my theory on dating a woman with something to lose. Because if there is gonna be any sort fo scuffle popping off in the wee hours of the morning it is gonna be me! Well….probably not gonna be me but you get my point.
How do you handle a situation when your special someone is getting into altercations when you are out in public together? Is it a turn off, turn on or grounds for dismissal?